I agreed to a open relationship just to try something new, but why am I feeling jealous?

[Anonymous]

I started talking to this guy back in April. We started to become close. I would stay the night at his house. We would go downtown to ride bikes, electric scooters. He made me feel like I was the only girl he was talking to and that he actually loved/liked me until I started to notice him always asking for a threesome or mentioning having another girlfriend or how whenever he got a text when I was around he’ll say things like “It’s not who you think it is.” When I didn’t even say anything so it made him seem and sound suspicious and there would be times where I would tell him I’m coming over but he would give weird excuses as to why I couldn’t as if he had another girl over. After he continued to mentioned having two girlfriends one day I just told him “I’m not into girls even though I will say a girl is pretty if she really is, I guess trying a three way relationship wouldn’t hurt. It’s something to experience and it doesn’t hurt to try.” Right away he says “I’m glad you mentioned that because I’ve been talking to this girl. I really love her like I love you and I want you guys to meet each other.” It ended up happening. After we both saw pictures of one another and after he mentioned we were both sort of alike. The three of us spent about three days with one another and there was no drama. A little awkward at first but it went better than expected. The only thing is he seems to love her/like her more. Now that he isn’t hiding anything when he texts her he’ll show me and say things like “Girlfriend number one is on her way.” Meaning I was two, that had made me jealous and then he showed messages of him telling her right after she had left us one morning to head to work “I miss you and started to think about you So I put on your oversized t shirt that you left over here.” he says things and does things that makes it seem as if he cares about her a lot more even though he calls himself having two girlfriends.

[Nawlins34]

1.) I started talking to this guy back in April. We started to become close. I would stay the night at his house. We would go downtown to ride bikes, electric scooters. He made me feel like I was the only girl he was talking to and that he actually loved/liked me until I started to notice him always asking for a threesome or mentioning having another girlfriend or how whenever he got a text when I was around he’ll say things like “It’s not who you think it is.” - It is what you think it is. He's found another girl he likes, but not enough to get rid of you, so he wants to keep both of them. He's struggling with living the lie and it would be easier to "cheat" if it was in the open.

2.) When I didn’t even say anything so it made him seem and sound suspicious and there would be times where I would tell him I’m coming over but he would give weird excuses as to why I couldn’t as if he had another girl over. - Because he did.

3.) After he continued to mentioned having two girlfriends one day I just told him “I’m not into girls even though I will say a girl is pretty if she really is, I guess trying a three way relationship wouldn’t hurt. - This is when you lost him forever and this particular relationship ended. Your real options were either don't do this or end the relationship with him. You've lost all leverage with him because you're not going to be able to "put the spilled water back in the jar" so to speak.

4.) It’s something to experience and it doesn’t hurt to try.” - It doesn't, but for a threesome? Best to do this with people you're not romantically involved in.

5.) Right away he says “I’m glad you mentioned that because I’ve been talking to this girl. I really love her like I love you and I want you guys to meet each other.” - He just confirmed what I said in points #1 and #2

6.) It ended up happening. After we both saw pictures of one another and after he mentioned we were both sort of alike. The three of us spent about three days with one another and there was no drama. A little awkward at first but it went better than expected. The only thing is he seems to love her/like her more. - He does. He likes her more because if he really liked you, he'd never look her way. This also confirms that if he is forced to choose, he'd take her over you.

7.) Now that he isn’t hiding anything when he texts her he’ll show me and say things like “Girlfriend number one is on her way.” Meaning I was two, that had made me jealous and then he showed messages of him telling her right after she had left us one morning to head to work “I miss you and started to think about you So I put on your oversized t shirt that you left over here.” he says things and does things that makes it seem as if he cares about her a lot more even though he calls himself having two girlfriends. - I understand why you're jealous, but you shouldn't be because you should be moving on from this guy.

You gained nothing in this scenario other than experience that you didn't care to have to begin with. He's over you; He's not mature enough to tell you this and doesn't want to hurt your feelings so he'll keep you around.

This is when spending time with someone is actually wasting time. He is the only one that benefits here. If he resists you leaving, it isn't about "you" it's about him losing his "dream" scenario - dating two women at the same time who are aware of each other.

Move on, be #1 and only that for someone else. I hope I've helped. Good luck and be safe.

[Lycirian]

See, you agree because you didn't want to loose him because of they great feeling he gaves you. But your jealousy tells that you ain't want that so stop it. You are hurting yourself and he gives a damn about it because that is no relationship in that. A guy which loves two girls but says girlfriend no. 1 and no. 2 that obviously means he loves her more then you. If he at least would love you both the same way there were no numbers. Stop fooling yourself and cut it of. Have pride and honor this punk doesn't even deserve two women not evens one women.

[HollyK21]

I could never stress this more, but do NOT put yourself in an uncomfortable situation in order to keep and/or please a man. First of all, he lied to your face, over and over. He literally had to know that you would accept his cheating (apparently long enough to love this women) before even being honest with you. That is not okay or acceptable by any standards. Secondly, what he’s doing is selfish. He is not bridging the gap between you and “gf number one” at ALL. To be honest, I don’t even think she even wants to be with you or is interested in girls, but you guys both want him. Being in a Poly relationship requires love to be tied between all three of you. He is not trying to make that a factor. Like ask yourself, if you and her were alone, would you be interested in her? Probably not! I know you love that guy but be true to yourself first, always.

[Asker]

Honestly I don’t think either us would show sexual/physical interest while he isn’t around. We don’t when the three of us are together. I mean we get alone great. The three of us laugh and have nice conversations and as girls we just have that friendly bond but as far as kissing one another, touching, caressing etc we only do that to him.

[HollyK21]

Are you comfortable with this? Or is it all about him? Please be true to yourself. Don’t put the idea of “losing him” above your morals. I feel like in the day and age, things like this are so normalized that we allow ourselves to feel like it’s less taboo and something we should all be okay with. But that’s not the case, love. What he’s asking of you both is self-serving, and not in you or her best interest.

[HollyK21]

Tbh I feel like your situation will end badly, because someone will get hurt, especially if you and her don’t want romance or love with each other. He should stop trying to have you both and make a choice, it’s the fair thing to do.

[silversharpiie]

We don’t always know how we’re going to react to something like that. It can be easy to imagine being in an open relationship and something completely different to experience it. Typically they require unbound amounts of trust and communication. If it’s making you feel a certain way bring it up with your partner! That’s the most important part and also why it works spice things up and strengthen a relationship when done right- it’s because it pushes you to practice being open, vulnerable, and with a stream of communication about your feelings and experiences.

[John_Galt]

it’s only natural to be jealous, if you’ve never been in that type of relationship before. There is nothing wrong with trying it to see if it’s something that your interested in. he isn’t ha doing the situation well at all... from what your describing. “Just know that people don’t change”. So if your unhappy you’ll have to bail!

[Wise4myage]

Doesn't sound this is something you don't want to be involved in, and I agree, he does make it sound like you are second best. So why stay in such a relationship?

[Asker]

The thing is one night while he went to work, he works overnight, he left the two of us together at his house and we had decided to walk to a store up the street together for some late night snacks and that gave us a chance to really speak on what was going on after experiencing it for a few days and long story short we both admitted that we don’t see this being long term and that we both only agreed to it just to experience it but we don’t seriously see our selves having both a girlfriend and a boyfriend or sharing the same guy and that after three days of trying it out there have been times we both felt jealously which is going to stop this from working out long term. We both also mentioned that we only agreed to it because we both care about him just that much. We wanted him to be happy. We want to sit and talk to him about it considering we both have mutual feelings toward the situation before he really starts to believe or think this is actually going to be something long term and permanent.

[Wise4myage]

Yeah, that's a great idea. And who knows he might also be thinking it won't last long term either, so you both should have a chat with him about this.

[Asker]

I honestly want to give him a ultimatum to where he chooses between the two of us. Obviously it’ll hurt, but I rather him do that than just have us two girls in a situation we both don’t seriously want. Or at least just be honest with the both of us and say he doesn’t want a girlfriend at all let alone two because he isn’t ready for commitment. Though he has never said that, any guy who wants two women can’t possibly want a serious one woman monogamous relationship at the moment or at all. Deep down the both of us know we want him to ourselves but it’s the love we have for him that’s telling us to put up with this love triangle.

[Wise4myage]

You have every right to do that. On a funnier note, I think it would hilarious if you both dumped him and ended up as lovers, haha.

[pizzalovershouse]

He justed wanted to use you cuz you did what lits of girls didthat find out it never works out usely most guys fall for the other girl or the girls gmfall for each other the he is left out

[boggboss]

You a clown for staying with him but meh like you said I guess it can't hurt

[bklynbadboy1]

Wow! Why would you put yourself in this type of situation. You deserve better than this. Tell him how you feel

[blankwave]

Sounds like you need another boyfriend. Your situation sounds almost okay but he's not respecting you at all.

[Surfstyle1]

Is he getting more than you or have you already set tour hooks in him

[ItsTheNephilim]

This isn't working out for you.