This was my date's reaction after I told him I don't do premarital sex. Is he most likely going to ghost me?

[Anonymous]

There was a long pause after I said it. We laughed. He said "I don't know what to say." Another long pause. Then he said "it's not so surprising that you do that. I kind of got the sense. If that makes you feel better." I joked and said it was kinda hard to jump out of the awkwardness after bringing that topic up, I was referring to me telling him of how I save sex. He agreed and then he changed the subject and started asking me about my interests.

At the end of the date he was the one who initiated we leave. As we left I told him I was attracted to him and asked if he just sees me as a friend. He said he would like to see me again. As he walked away he said to let him know what we should do. I suggested something and hw agreed but hasn't texted since

[MrOracle]

You have to do what's right for you, but you also need to be realistic in that 98% of men are going to be gone after hearing this - and the other 2% are crazy/very religious or asexual.

Dating and being in a relationship is something that needs to be MUTUALLY beneficial. You're telling a guy up-front that one of the largest benefits for him is off the table until he is legally bound to you, giving you tremendous leverage over him and, even then, it isn't by any means guaranteed, so you shouldn't be surprised that most men find this deal unacceptable.

It's like you're telling a guy he can start making payments on a house today that he MIGHT be able to move into at some point, but you won't make the decision until he signs a mortgage that requires him to pay for this house where he may or may not be allowed to live. You'd have to be a pretty good salesperson, and he'd have to be a pretty naïve or stupid buyer, to fall for that.

Again, I'm not saying that you don't have a right to set whatever rules you wish, but guys also have an equal right to walk away from a bad deal, and for nearly any guy, this is a bad deal.

[Cecirose]

I don't really think it's all that uncommon to wait till marriage, and it doesn't make someone crazy. If sex is one of the largest benefits to being with someone then you should probably rethink about being with them,
The benefit should be getting to spend time with them, enjoying getting to know them, making each other happy and waiting to see if it works out in the first place, who wants to put payment into a house they might get kicked out of? plus they never said it was off the table she just said she wants to wait. When it comes to women there is more involved in it for us. The risk of pregnancy. So tbh I don't blame her one bit for walking out on a guy if he wasn't willing to commit to her.

[loveslongnails]

You did the right thing for you, but don't expect to hear from him again. Only a very small percentage of men are willing to go sexless until marriage. For you, it's a simple choice and probably registers in your brain like this:
* "I'm not having sex until I'm married and know the man is committed to a lifetime relationship with me, and was willing to wait to show me that."
For him, it registers like this:
* I just met this girl and even if I like her a lot, I'm not getting any unless I marry her? I'm not ready to think about marriage now, so forget that".

Unless you're living in a country or culture where no sex before marriage is widely acceptable, you should expect this sort of reaction from the majority of your dates.

[EyebrowChewie]

she's basically put a condition on her kitten, marry me or f*** off 😂 she wants him to trust her, invest in her and hope she accepts his wedding proposal. That is a lot of commitment for sex that may not even be that good.

[loveslongnails]

@EyebrowChewie I agree. Taking it completely off the table like that requires meeting someone who is on the same exact page.

[EyebrowChewie]

YES HE GHOSTED YOU.
Why?
i dont think you seem to know what guys go through in dating.
Girls are typically like this;
"Hi, you're awesome, ty for the dinner and drinks" (He invested in her and all she does is smile and kiss him on the cheek only).
and then... [She ghosts]
This tells us guys you're all untrustworthy and two faced until proven innocent.
Waiting til marriage means he has to hope you're sexually compatible and won't be the same as you are now (no sex drive).

Contrary to what girls tell you, They are actually gleeming with joy you're not competing with them and will sympathise, have you feel like you're right to wait.
Yes you're intentions are likely true, but stop wasting a guys time, you're undateable.

[EyebrowChewie]

and by the way if you think im harsh or wrong for writing this...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F14OX4xDFo

[Cecirose]

I agree that ghosting is wrong (unless they did something to hurt you or make you uncomfortable). but if I go on a date with a guy I always bring cash with me and if he brings up sex I hand him the cash and say "here is the money for my meal, you seem to want something I'm not looking for atm so I'm gonna go." Its just my way of going about it. Also just because you buy a girl dinner and a drink doesn't mean she owes you sex in return.

[EyebrowChewie]

@Cecirose that's kinda smart that you try to cut your losses so you don't feel you owe him if he's going to demand sex first date. My recent date a woman was unbelievable in the restaurant she was making sexual demands loudly and I couldn't invite her because I lived with a couple and their two cats. We split the bill as it was expensive but omg she went on a little binge and managed to wind me up even more and then outside she again said so no sex ever? and my blood was boiling. There's this and what you said. And by the way any other guy would've had sex with her. She thought I wouldn't ever.

[Anonymous]

Only time will tell whether he'll ghost you or not. If he does, he probably was only looking to use you for free sex anyway (and you don't need a user like that).

Thank you for being honest and upfront at the beginning. It will also help you to weed out the guys you probably don't want anyway and it'll save you more time to find a real man who appreciates you not sleeping around. (The problem for you is to find someone who will be as faithful to you. Good luck.)

[Asker]

Thanks for your input

[jspl90]

well I wish he would not i hate ghosting so i hope he comes out and just says it

[EyebrowChewie]

guys need to level the playing field, if girls dont have a conscience and act fake so should guys to tell them what they are doing hurts.
Ghosting is the least of her worries. I know girls to develop grudges and seek revenge when they meet a guy who won't have sex with them.

[Asker]

@Eyebrow: Ghosting is harsh man, whichever way you put it. Set aside what women did to you in the past

[slatyb]

There aren't many men willing to marry a woman they have never had sex with. I would be wondering
1) whether she has much desire for sex
and
2) why is she waiting.

So for me that's a deal breaker.

[Asker]

Thanks for your input. I guess I thought there was a possibility he wouldn't see it as a dealbreaker since he mentioned once that he is Christian

[Asker]

From my description, it sounded like he was done right?

[slatyb]

You can text him and ask. How did you meet? If you have a profile online you might put this information in the profile to avoid wasting time.

[Asker]

That's a good point. I've thought of putting in on my dating profile but wasn't sure how to word it. Plus I put Christian under the religion category. Would it have helped if a woman, while revealing this info to a potential date, told him that she wants to have lots of sex? I feel like there's a stigma that women who save sex for marriage don't get horny or don't want to do sex frequently.

[slatyb]

Sexual compatibility is important. "Don't want to have sex frequently" is a deal breaker for menn who do. You don't need to disclose your general lack of interest in your profile but you need to disclose this fairly early in a relationship.

[slatyb]

If you "don't want to have sex frequently," why do you want to be married? Why would you even want to be married? Marriage is not just playing house with sex once in a while. Most people enter marriage with the idea of having sex pretty regularly. Fifty years ago you could have made an arrangement with a gay man, but they don't have to do that anymore. They can openly marry each other.

[slatyb]

Sorry, misread your post, thought your hypothetical was your reality. You might be able to find such a man. If you do, you need to talk about sex A LOT before you think about getting married.

[Avicenna]

He probably needed time to digest that information and didn't want to make you feel bad since that is a legit preference. It was saving face.

Whether he will contact you, none of us know, but that is a dealbreaker for most guys.

[Anonymous]

From his point of view that's like going out to a restaurant, being told they don't serve food, and then as you leave, they shout back "Thank you! Come again!"

Like... why would he?

[Anonymous]

To be honest he probably will and ik how disappointing that is but it's ALWAYS better to stick to your beliefs, especially as a woman because there is more in it for us when it comes to pregnancy. Don't let him make think you need to have sex with someone, in order for them to stay. If they can't respect you, then let them where the door is. He doesn't deserve it.

[iseekpinetrees]

Probably. But why did you even bring up sex on the first date?

[MrOracle]

Because she knew full well that this is going to be a dealbreaker for the vast majority of men, and there's little point in stringing a guy along if there's no hope of things working out.

If you, as a woman, choose to go on dates with someone you are virtually certain won't work out, then you are really just using that guy for free meals and entertainment, and he's going to feel used and angry - and why shouldn't he? It's one thing if you didn't realize until a few dates in that you weren't compatible, but if you know that from Day 1, you are obligated to say something.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4E8qEDi_xg

[MountAverage]

Maybe he won't ghost you, but I'm pretty sure this isn't gonna work out.

[Anonymous]

he's already dumped you. and will be looking for somebody else who will put out before marriage. best to move on and find somebody else

[spartan55]

I doubt you'll hear from him again.

[Asker]

From my description, it sounded like he was done right?

[K-I-S-S]

Well it is a deal breaker for a lot of us.

[Asker]

Would you tell a girl straightforwardly that it is?

[K-I-S-S]

Yes i would. No point in those games. I mean i can respect peoples decisions to have certain goals in life, even if i don't share them.

[Asker]

Ok, because after I told this to a guy in person, he asked if we could leave the date early. He said to let him know what we should do next time and he never texted me again.

[K-I-S-S]

Sound like he just isn't very good at telling people no. Although, he should have texted.

He is probably holding you as a maybe, in case he gets no tail, then you are at least a good dating practice.

[0112358]

I’d guess he’s ghosted you.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Sex is important girl

[JamesRandiDebates]

I would have just walked out on you.

[Asker]

Out of anger?

[JamesRandiDebates]

Not angry, just no reason whatsoever to continue wasting my time on you.

[r0ddy]

Good luck xox

[dudeinohio]

Probably ghosted you

[Ilickvulvas]

It’s over