Guys, Uncontrollable ogling or is "men are visual" an excuse?

[Cmoreins]

I'm seeing this guy I'm pretty secure in except for the area of his eye wandering. Women notice men as well, but to look twice or three times makes me uncomfortable. He makes eye contact with them and I see the women also making eye contact with him as well.
He said he's enjoying beauty, men are visual, and can't help it.
Looking once is fine, but more than that doesn't make sense to me when I'm right there.

Men, what is your take on this?
What is your experience?
What is your experience with your s. o. noticing you doing that?
Am I misunderstanding something?

[superrmatt]

Men are visual. This has been a problem for me in just about every relationship I've been in. The ones it wasn't an issue, she didn't notice or didn't care. It makes sense you question the validity of his behavior considering the sheer volume of checking out you seem to notice coupled with his eye contact moments.

Everyone is different, he may not view it as a problem, but if what you say is true, he appears to not be trying too hard to ensure his invesment remains in you. A look here and there is acceptable to most people, and from what you say, you seem to fit in the 'sometimes it is okay' category.

Long story short, his actions seem a bit over the top for a committed relationship, but borderline normal. It also seems as though perhaps you have not made your opinion on the matter rationally clear to him. Men are visual, but that does make the extravagence of his eye fucking acceptable. He should be working to moderate it, especially when you are around. Try this "when you check out other girls, I think of myself as less adequate" (put your own twist on it). Make sure you use an "I think..." statement, us men think before we feel.

[Cmoreins]

This is good, and helpful with how to talk to him about it.
Is it everytime a man looks that he's imagining her with him, naked, etc, or just looking?
He says he's enjoying beauty.

[superrmatt]

I can only speak to my own thoughts. I do not believe most men immediatley jump to thoughts of sleeping with someone. For me, it seems tobe more an innate first step to social interaction, especially when courtship is the subconcious driver. Try not to overthink what goes on in his head. you can only control what happens in your own head. If he is unwilling to at least try and control his urges and interactions, that ia a major red flag of lack of respect and maturity, in my opinion.

[Cmoreins]

Yes, I agree. I haven't been direct with him yet about it

[Anon-01]

Women's fashion is proof that men are visual. Women's pants aren't form fitting because it's more comfortable. It's because that's what gets the looks. Leggings are just an evolution of that idea. Men look.

That being said, it's no excuse to be rude or act like an animal in public.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yeah I agree with you but its also about respect and in that instance he's not giving you much

[Cmoreins]

How would you, as a man, be open to hearing a woman bring it up?

[Bklynbadboy12]

Well I feel like honesty is the best policy I believe in communication so just talk to me cause I'd want the woman I'm with to be happy

[Cmoreins]

Hopefully that's what he wants for me, too. Walking away isn't a big deal if needed to do so

[Bklynbadboy12]

How long have you been with him

[Cmoreins]

We just start dating, 3 months in

[Bklynbadboy12]

Have you ever talked to him about how you feel when he does that

[Cmoreins]

A little bit. Not directly yet. We're also long distance. We met years ago, remained friends, and now in a relationship. I trust him to not cheat on me, but the looking and eye contact implies to another woman that he's open, though he isn't.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yes it does I'm not saying he can't look but anything more than a quick glance is disrespectful

[COMMODOREII]

I can see looking at a girl once. But to oogle over her is something else.

[krin_m]

I may cast a discrete glance but I never ogle.
If we are in an intimate situation, of course then I pay full attention to all her beautiful parts and more! :-)

[rorimaster]

I like flat petite chests a cup or just budding so no and if its a issue don't show cleavage at all

[JesseJayNeak]

Glance here and there. Ogling is creepy

[Jmmmfi4]

Definitely guys are visual

[Anonymous]

I look at who i want to look at