How do I get over the self hatred and anger at him I feel for letting this coworker tear me down mentally and emotionally for a year?

[Anonymous]

I should have made it stop when it began many months ago.

Im far too polite and nice.

This asshole infiltrated my mind giving me self esteem issues so that to this day i am self conscious about my every move and facial expression... thinking everyone is noticing it and watching me and judging me.

This asshole (excuse my language but i am very hurt and angry over this) would point out my every expression and body language every second as if he had nothing better to do. I never met anyone this focused on how i appeared. He would also mock what i did or said. He would ask me a million stupid questions to probe my personal life and then turn around and toy with my head using what bothered me as ammunition. I just remember him pointing out every thing i did or said as if it was some interesting science experiment he was recording. Who focuses so much on a woman like that for no reason? At first i kinda felt sorry for him cause he seemed to have no life and so i let his behavior slide. Now i am dogged out and think everyone is judging me if i make the slightest face expression or move any part of my body any little way.

The funniest part is he just got promoted. The wicked prosper?

[Anonymous]

Honestly you were probably already self conscious before he said anything, he just touched on those insecurities and made them more prominent. First off, he’s a jerk, probably vain and thinks he has the right to verbally pass so much judgement onto others, who knows. But you shouldn’t even want him to be a voice in your mind because he just doesn’t deserve to have such an important role in your life. Like imagine how arrogant and smug he’d be if he new you literally stop making certain faces and doing things because of him. You shouldn’t even want to give him the satisfaction! Regardless, you need to work on self love. Let go of all that negativity you feel towards him because that does way more to you than it will ever do to him. Start reprogramming your mind, and basically when a negative thought comes up, you tackle it immediately with something positive. IE: “I don’t know if I should wear this it’ll make me look —“ “Nope! Not today, this dress is perfect and I look damn good in it”. Like literally interrupt those bad thoughts with positive ones. Soon you’ll be a much better version of yourself, and feel way happier for finally letting go of that grudge and the sadness surrounding it.

[Asker]

Thank you my dear. I have to work on that.

[J2ohhhhh]

Just imagine that it happened to someone else. And she goes through what you're going through now. You try to explain her that her expressions are normal but she doesn't believe you. She doesn't believe you that people will not ridicul her. You feel pity for her, but it doesn't help. She thinks it's hopeless, people will laugh at her. And the only thing you can offer is your friendship. Just let her know that even when everyone is laughing at her, you'll be there, you'll never judge her and never let her down. She is you, and this is self love.

[Asker]

Thank you.