What do you mean by pursue? I like pursuing a girl in a sense that I like to take charge, ask her out, sure pay for first date etc. If you mean girl shows interest sure. It depends on how she shows her interest and even if she asks me out I'll take her number, and ask her out.
Same way men have *game* meaning what they would do in mating dance to pursue a girl, get her to be interested in him, and ask her out. Girls have their own version of game ie how to grab a guys attention, how to flirt, how to keep him interested, and get him to ask her out. At least both men and women used to "have" some level of said skillset. You can see that playing out in bars or clubs for example.
If he doesn't like you there is nothing you can do, same way if a girl isn't interested - advice for men is move on. Now if there is some interest you could flirt and use your feminine charms to get him even more interested, get him enchanted by you, and hopefully he asks you out. There is no black and white advice, same way it wouldn't be for men.
You don't come off as being needy by having composure and reading the situation. Then use your feminine charms, if he still seems clueless then subtly be more obvious. If he seems interested then get him to be comfortable and ask you out.
Of course it depends on the situation and guys, if you see their is connection you could ask him out. But I'd suggest putting ball in his court and getting him to act, if the interest is clear and he is at least somewhat sure you'd like him, he'd be more likely to take initiative and ask you out.
You could be more direct and simply present him with certain scenario - which will clearly imply that you are interested and would like to go out with him. For example there is art show, you're both interested in art - you're flirting, he seems keen. Present him with scenario which makes it clear that this is something you are interested in, and he should ask you to join him. Alternative could be simply giving him your number and implying hey if you like what you see call.
In situations he really doesn't seem to be taking any initiative and you know he seems interested. Then sure go ahead and take a shot. Don't be too obvious or needy, keep your composure, be confident, ask out but don't be too direct (as different guys can react differently). Hey I'm dying to go XYZ come with me. Take your phone out ask him for his number, and say something like great I'll call you, smoothly end the conversation if needed, smile and move on, unless he still seems keen.
Asking a guy is double edged sword though, still for some guys it can be off putting and you might come off as desperate. But only thing worse than failing is not taking a shot. You wouln't know until you take that shot. So before you go about asking someone out make sure there seems some level of interest and there is some reciprocation. Confidence is key here.
I'd suggest getting the guy to take initiate first, that's simply how the dating dynamics work, its still better to have some investment from him. Not to mention its just biology whether we like it or not. If you like the guy, sure you have no problem asking him out, but let's be honest you rather guys take initiative. If a girl liked me and asked me out - I'll be flattered, it shows confidence. But I'll take her number instead and take initiative. Life is short go for it!
I have been waiting a lifetime to have this Playboy grade colliegeate hottie come up to me and tell me she wants me more than life itself...
But as a guy I would be turned on, but long-term I would have my doubts. Every guy would love the woman making the first move, but he would begin to wonder how many others has she approached. Is she aggressive? Is she hypersexual, which sounds good starting up, until she banging all your friends, coworkers and family members. That's what really scares most guys.
From there he would begin to doubt other things. And he would feel like he was playing with fire. Fun in the moment, but the fear of getting burnt would set in. But not before he has some fun.
That's when she would begin to feel used. But I am still waiting on that Play Collegiate chick to bang on my door, then on me. I have had that fantasy from about 14 to current. Still has happened. So...
Actually when I pursued a guy he told me he was so happy I shot my shot. Lemme tell you guys are NERVOUS. The don’t want to be rejected and I don't know why they have to be the chasers. In all honesty, they might not know how to approach a woman so that she doesn’t feel like he’s harassing or making her uncomfortable so I’m all for women approaching men. In my experience guys love that and respect you a whole lot even if they reject you.
I don’t think it is a turn off nor is it desperate depending on how she pursues him. It usually depends on the guy. But sometimes some girls tend to come on WAY to strong and that makes her look desperate. Like one of my girlfriends visited this guy at work when it was only her third time meeting him in person and acted like he was her boyfriend. A couple days after that he stopped talking to her.
Opinion
97Opinion
-------------There is a big difference in pursuing and annoying. Men love to be pursued but not annoyed with overwhelming clingyness.
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG
Agreed
Agreed also the 8 female dislikes might be from clingy females or either they took what you said the wrong way
@Madison193 I think it's just one person with several accounts. GAG shut them down and now they are back. I wish I had that much time on my hands.
I only like women who are overwhelmingly clingy, so not all guys feel that way.
I’m the type that doesn’t bother at all. Even if I like a boy, if he doesn’t call me I won’t call. If he doesn’t text I won’t bother. It’s more of a relief for me. I like to he left alone to get on with things. I have only had one long term relationship which is past the seven year mark and as long as I don’t think he’s upset with me or something I don’t make an extra effort to talk to him constantly. Though he does wish I contacted him more often. I’m just not the kind of person to be all romantic and cheesy or clingy.
@Sarahr123 When you get into a serious relationship the first thing you should discuss is love languages. This helps you and him communicate how you want to be treated during the relationship instead of guessing who likes what.
@coachTanthony well that person could be doing better things irl also making a backup acc should only be necessary if a person got banned for no reason
@Madison193 Yeah they make dozens of accounts just to down vote me. it's like this on all my opinions. GAG is aware of it and looking into it.
"Desperate" is all in you women's heads I think. Totally! I don't know where you get it from or how it's "ingrained" in you, but it's the same as the reverse with you. It's ONLY a turn off if we've already rejected you and you aren't taking no for an answer. Otherwise a turn on if we like you back. And it's nice to be asked (once) even if we don't like you back (everyone likes to be liked). Still flattered. Personally I prefer her to ask me out (even though it has almost never happened). But if she does it, then I know she must have some genuine interest in me, vs if I ask her, some women might say yes to a guy (initially at least) just because someone asked her. I don't want that. I want her to be interested back! This way I know it.
I think guys are used to having to work quite hard to gain women's affection, so if a woman suddenly offers it freely, it can make him take her interest for granted, a little.
If I had to make a comparison, it's like recently, you started to be able to lease supercars where I live. So suddenly, young idiots would be driving Lamborghinis, Ferraris, etc. that they couldn't afford in a million years. It kind of made me lose my admiration for those supercars, because part of the appeal is that it is only a select few who can afford them.
Replacing gender doesn't means now you will have privileges of majority saying you "yes". Established notions are different and reality is totally different. In this phase of a girl she would get to know that it was never guys who approached for sex but it was an agenda promoted and facilitated by those girls who were never approach so that good ones also dont get bfs.
By simply approaching nothing happens and this is actual reality i dont understand same girls go nagging if boys dont accept their rejection. So girls its time go live rather than go live online. Well you won't always face rejection from boys too its just that if you were his type you would not get a chance to take the tension or he might indicate you beforehand. Least you can convince is for a date
Your question is kind of comical.
Because you know guys have the same problem. My response to you would be the same c response most women on here would give to the guy asking it. "Why is she so important. Just move on to another girl".
Look I get it the heart wants what the heart wants. But what you're asking is "How do i make a certain guy fall in love with me". Can't be done. And even if it could. In the long run would you really want that. To know you manipulated his interest?
Why would that be a turn-off? If she likes me and tells me, stick to me or prefer talking to me over others, I'll gladly take "falling in love" into consideration. It signals that the girl is well aware of what she wants, maybe even confident or bold, which tend to be attractive traits.
It's not a turn off unless she does it in a really bad way. And she needs to respect his lack of interest, if he turns her down. Doesn't matter if she likes him if he has no interest back. Just get it verbally not by one of the so called tests, because those are worthless method to see if a guy like you or not.
I guess in U. S. culture where it's practically been made illegal for men to approach women, it's now easier for women to make the 1st move than for men. But if you're too aggressive or come across like you're desperate and would jump on any man you see, that's going to turn off guys with higher standards.
As you’ve stated in your update what is or isn’t a turn on varies greatly from culture to culture and person to person.
My wife is my wife today mostly because she very heavily perused me initially. If she didn’t wouldn’t of been interested very likely. At the time I had just returned from Iraq and not to toot my horn there was several ladies interested. Her dogged pursuit was a serious advantage, especially since most played hard to get which was a huge turn off for me.
It's a turn on, but only if I like her.
If I don't like her and she does it, it's not a turn on, but I also don't find it annoying unless I'm touched (pervy banter doesn't bother me and a lot of my friends just do that for shits)
On the other side of that coin, if I like her and she doesn't pursue me, I lose interest.
Its not. The problem is just because you are interested doesn't mean he is. Ladies are you interested in every guy who pursues yiu? So take the blow to your ego and accept he was never interested in the first place and stop the ego saving "guys don't like to be pursued, I tried it once and he said no."
It's not a turn off and let's get over this dumb myth that is being perpetuated in the last decades that "men enjoy the chase". No they don't. Chasing is feminine behaviour and no woman in this universe values a man who does that. This is all beta male attitude promoted by pop culture like stupid disney cartoons.
Honestly, I think if the guy is turned off by something like the girl pursuing him... you're better off without him. Either that and/or he's not into you- in which case just leave him be because pursuing him regardless won't change his mind, y'know?
Problem in this situation is that if he doesn't respond to her in the way she wants, she's very likely to start spreading vicious rumors about him. Being she's a woman of course people will believe these vicious rumors and it will damage his reputation severely.
It's not and whoever is spreading this must have a punch in the face -_-
Okay, some men are like that, probably because they want to do to pursue themselves and be more "masculine". I don't know to be honest, it's such a strange thought to me.
It isn't for someone with secure relationship frame.
For insecure avoiding/switching it's a totally different matter.
It could also be that they aren't interested in you in the first place. that you aren't his type.
( just because you are a female doesn't mean that you are sexually desirable by default for males or that they are turned on by you )
Begin to look at what kind of males you usually go for.
It could be you get sexually attracted to those that aren't in you.
It scares a guy when you are doing all of the pursuing. He wants to make sure what your intentions are with him. Call me old fashioned, but since the beginning of time, the man wants to do the chasing. After all men are born hunters.
And the women want to do the cooking.
It is a turn off if the woman isn't attractive in his eye, definitely lowers her stake on the pecking order as he prioritises his mates he knows you are “easy pickens” and will put you on the back burner as a backup or fuck buddy when he needs his nuts drained saving his efforts for the hard fishes. Human nature I guess.
I will appreciate the lady effort that... she even tried to pursued a guy she like. I would have really immense amount of respect for her.
See i don't see that as slut shaming.
Pursuing is ok if it’s done equal investment but if you keep messaging him all the time that’s desperation and clinginess. Will need to stay at par with him he’ll like that. Stay elusive stay mysterious.
Guys love it when you approach them first. But only if they seem interested. Otherwise you come off as stalkerish
That is.. if you keep pursuing
It's not.
In all of western society it's a good thing.
I'm not even convinced that guys from other cultures actually object, I feel like it would more likely be some idiot cultural trend they're parroting or something they just never really thought about -- not something they genuinely personally believe.
You want to know why?
Because it is NOT a turnoff.
If a girl is pursuing me I get super horny for them. It gives me a sense of security to really relax and be vulnerable.
In my past experience, I was rarely pursued by women. But, whenever I was pursued by one, it was usually a woman who I wasn't attracted to, thus turning me off.
Firstly you're stating your believes as facts.
These is not true at all, there are guys who are mean and they are girls too who are mean.
Common between two is both are human.
Till now you might've approached mean guys and they rejected you.
Because in nature it is the male who does the pursuing.
This is just an opinion of author. It doesn't make it universal truth.
So I just spent five minutes cross checking that quote and I can't find it's original creator. For all we know that could have been a woman who created that quote, thinking they understand male nature better than men know themselves.
Come to think of it, I think it might be. Look at that last quote:
"When a man really wants you, you won't have to chase after him like he's some celebrity who barely has time for a fan."
That sounds oddly cynical, like someone speaking from a point of having received a bad personal experience at one point. I could take a month to explain how many things from a mechanical level is wrong with that quote and I still wouldn't have enough time.
@kambo_trick3y Do you know any any mammal on earth where the male is not the pursuer? Let's be honest, if a male didn't get horny he would care less.
@daniela1982
Do you know any other mammal that can do Advanced Calculus? Look, we can go in circles all day about what humans should or should not do based on their species or natures. How about we actually do the fair thing and accept that people have an amazing capacity for self awareness and intelligence and with that intelligence comes very different personalities. Some men are brave or shy, some women are brave or shy. It makes sense to take every situation differently.
@kambo_trick3y Then why do men complain about dating sites that they can't get a date? Are women pursuing them? No, they don't have to because all the guys come to them, nor vice versa.
@daniela1982
Plenty of girls approach first. You can find a million questions on not just this website but many others showing girls stating they were the one who approached first. Is it as OFTEN as guys? Of course not, it's societal norm that dictates that guys should approach first.
But the fact that both genders have on quite a few occasions subverted expectations (i. e women being aggressive and men being shy and passive) shows that there's no genetic wall magically stopping either of them from pursuing the other. Putting both genders into a pigeon hole and just going like "Oooo eeee unga bunga, you man, me woman, man must approach because they are men" does nothing but limit your chances with someone you like.
That quote you posted is so BEYOND egocentric and "the world revolves around me" type of mentality that I don't even know where to begin. Has it ever occurred to the creator of that quote that guys suffer from lack of self confidence too? What if they asked out a girl once and they didn't just get rejected, they got HORRIBLY made fun of? It happens all the time.
I'm just saying, if women and men are to understand each other better, quotes like the one you posted is very much NOT the way.
She needs to show him her value to his purpose. What does he need to fulfill his purpose, if she can support him she has value. You have to have qualities he wants for him to be attracted to you
All men enjoy being chased; The feeling of being wanted. Even if it’s from someone they aren’t attracted to.
It is not a turn off - it's a turn on - but I'm sure it's also a lie that women tell themselves, to justify not pursuing the guy.
"I would, I am brave enough, but what's the point if pursuing him would just turn him off of me?"
Depends on your strategy or pursuing. Bad strategy where female comes off pathetic is turn off. Good strategy where she flirts with you is turn on.
Story of our lives lol we gotta approach girls all day and unless you a model type dude getting shut down most times unless you got game. It would be refreshing if girl approached me not a turn off
if i don't like her then i don't respond to her come ons. if she's forward and i like her then it doesn't bother me that she is aggressive. i'm aggressive too so it usually works out in the short term
Men be nature are chasers. It takes the fun out if it for them and if he really wanted to be with you nothing and I mean NOTHING would stop him.
As a Russian living in UK, it would be turn on to me, if I like her.
And in case I do not like her, but she persistent I would F**k her, but nothing past that.
Yes, I would tell her that I do not like her and that nothing will be after that, before F**king...
Nothing she can do. If a man doesn't like you he will not change his mind. If he rejects you with obvious advances, you aren't attractive to him. Unless he is taken. That can change his answer if he becomes free. But you can not..
According to my personal experience it's not a turn off..
Who's spreading lies like this. It's more than welcoming, however some women can be obsessive and stalker-ish. THAT is not pursuing, that's just creepy.
Who says it is, and what is this person's malfunction?
When it isn't a turn-on, it's usually not her pursuing him that is the turn-off, it's usually the woman herself, i. e., that it's an unwanted pursuit.
I would not see it as a turn off. I wouldn't mind if a girl pursued me a little. Sometimes I can be shy and could use a little push.
Its not a turn off at all and I never considered women in the past needy for making a move first.
No man in his right mind gets turned off by that. What is a turn of is women who pursue men in a masculine way like talking like a man and using cheesy pickup lines. Also the pretty ones never do any approaching😩
It’s certainly not a turn off for me, but quite the opposite
Well if a guy does it then it's stalking and sexual harassment.
Either the guy isn't single or he's just not sexually attracted to her.
I don't think it's a turn off if a woman pursues a guy she's interested in. I actually think it's a turn on.
Its not unattractive at all. Whatever man finds this unattractive you have to watch out for anyway.
It means he's controlling and would rather control the situation. Move on to the next one mama.
Girls we usually show interest in men. But those women are usually delusional they look like one out of 10 with make up and extensions and all that and they want to land a 25-year-old Brad Pitt
Whoever is turned off simply by a girl interested in them needs to have their head checked.
It's one thing when said girl is a bitch with a bad history with men, but that's about it.
It isn’t, but he’s the wrong one for you if he plays with your head. Women can pursue men just like men do to woman. We only need to find who’s the perfect match for us!
Turn on to me, that says she doesn't play games I would know where I stood with her.
To me its not. Infact its a turn on, makes me know she's above the norm. I'm attracted to above the norms.
It's not. Those guys are simply immature and wanting to play and fuck around. if you have some self respect you wouldn't want to have a relationship with those immature guys anyway. Simply Consider it a warning sign and don't ignore it.
It would be a turn on for me. I am a middle-aged, over-weight man and if a young girl finds that attractive, then I'm all for it.
Some men enjoy the chase in which case flirting can get you further than outright saying you like them
You can't win, but... you can still play the game. Simply tell him, " I am very attracted to you, what do you want to do about that""
What? Men fucking love it when you take initiative because we are sick of having to do everything ourselves!
For me, far from it. It would should her interest in me and in fact would be safer for me than my approaching her.
It's not? I know not a single guy that is turned off my this.
@CasuallySamsonite I'm mainly referring to women who ask out guys right away or ask out random guys. It's also just a preference for some people.
A lot of us Guys have that problem with Girls, I think some Guys would do it because it has been done to them in the past.
I was born in America but I moved to Japan permanently. I would say the main reason here is that
it is seen as masculine to take the initiative romantically. In Japan we still have traditional gender roles so guys tend to prefer to take the lead in the relationship. I personally prefer when girls flirt with me and make it clear that they like me but wait for me to ask them out. I prefer to take the lead and plan things in a relationship because I have a very dominant and masculine personality. Of course I make sure to make decisions based on what she would enjoy as well.
Also, women in Japan can ask a guy out but he would usually prefer if she waited for him to do it unless he is shy.
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