Is he trying to make me jealous?

[Anonymous]

So I have this coworker which I closely work with and now I am wondering is he trying to make me jealous or is this all in my head.

We never were very close (like friends), but I noticed that he literally is staring at me for minutes and smiling and all of it. Sometimes we talk about work, sometimes unrelated, he used to hint me for a coffee, tease me, say how I could help him (with non work related stuff), etc.

The thing is we never talked about it and I am very careful with that because of the workspace, but we also can’t be together because of the cultural
differences and I am sure he know this.

Lately, he started to ignore my texts (which are by the way about work) and just interrupt me while I am speaking. He started to bring other women into conversations, showing how he “meet” with them, showing mails from other female coworkers.

He is very loud about his car, money, travel and how he is so social...

I am the only one who gets the treatment like this, he doesn’t listen my ideas, think how my work is bad etc.

I am not sure if it is relevant, but he is short height, nerdy, flirty guy and I think he doesn’t even have any woman in his life.

I really just wanna do my work and I was wondering why he has to tell us and show how he gets contacted by them, what he sad, what they said and how he is helping them. Why can’t he keep that for himself and go out with them?

[SueShe]

It looks as if he is attempting another approach since obviously his initial approach has failed to bring results.

But that type of approach bears a number of dangers because it could also be interpreted as a possible way of mobbing you. He is giving you the silent treatment in order to confuse you and to aggravate you.

I would remain very objective and factual and only talk about business issues with him in order not to give him the wrong impression. However, by distancing yourself, you also indicate that you are irritated and annoyed by his behavior. This will lead to more "mobbing" and that will lead to a dangerous situation where he will start spreading wrong rumors.

Your best approach is to have a serious talk with him and be open about what is acceptable to you and not. If it fails, report to HR with proof of an attempted mobbing.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for this reply!

It is so true, he is leaving indirectly rude public comments on my work and nitpicking on it!

The thing is we are small company, we don’t have HR and he is super friend with boss.

It is not even anymore about liking me or not, it is very difficult to work like that... Guess I should search for a new job :(

[SueShe]

If the guy is indeed friend with the boss, then chances are that your attempts to straighten up the issue will fail or worse, that you will get fired.

The better alternative would indeed to find a new job if you cannot reconcile with the guy. But reconciling does not mean that you have to give in. Don't give in your self-esteem and dignity for that.

[Asker]

I am a very proud person and would never give in (maybe that’s also a problem) and continue in “business” behavior.

Would be good to know what are the intensions behind everything..

Thank you @sueshe

[Iron_Man]

He’s trying to flirt with you and drop hints but you’re so professional and you’re not showing him any
sign of anything so he’s discouraged

[In_Trance]

Maybe

[Anonymous]

I would say yes