He's crazier than I thought lol, yo what is wrong with people?

[Erica686]

What's wrong with him lol. I NEVER in my life, had a friends with benefits who literally is keeping me around. Just in case, If I change my mind about sleeping with him. Him and I haven't been with each other, in months. I decided to cut The Sex OFF. I want more than just a hot body, and if that's all he can offer me then why just settle for that when I can have someone who will give me a commitment and plus more. But anyways I asked him a few questions about what he wanted and where he sees things between him and I. He definitely didn't answer the question directly but he gave me an answer that made everything all clear. So I'm like okay no commitment no cheeks. But he also agreed and said that we can still be friends. But does this man really think that I was born last night lol. And don't get me wrong there's totally nothing wrong with being friends. But my thing is he could have left right then and there the door is wide open. I guess I'm just saying I never had a man regardless of what the title is to me keep somebody around just because they want sex. He may have a thing for me and he may not. But, I don't know I just never knew that one's vagina could be that important to one man. Advice please?

[MrOracle]

He sounds perfectly rational to me.

In the 21st Century, especially in the era of Tinder and Instagram, committed relationships are NOT the default expectation the default expectation is casual sex/friends with benefits. That means that if you want a committed relationship, you need to make that clear from the beginning and you need to set boundaries to enforce that desire. It doesn't sound like you did that, but instead accepted a friends with benefits arrangement.

It is incredibly rare for a friends with benefits to become a committed relationship - far more rare than if you had pursued a commitment from the beginning. It doesn't seem like you understand that.

The guy has been getting casual sex from you for some time - why would he not want that to continue? Why end the relationship completely, when women so often go back to those arrangements when they get lonely?

He knows it can end any time, and he accepts that, but he also knows that if you start dating some other guy, and it doesn't work out, that you may want some comfort and companionship, and he'll be ready for you.

His goal isn't a committed relationship and never was, but it sounds like you are projecting that goal on him and then judging him against that goal, but clearly that's YOUR goal, not his. You are the one who went against your own goal and then later realizing that you weren't even on a path to where you wanted to be. But instead of taking accountability for your own decisions, you are trying to make him the bad guy - the crazy one.

I really think you should reevaluate who the crazy one is...

[Erica686]

Well shit!! I can't deny that. It is incredibly rare for a friends with benefits to become a committed relationship - far more rare than if you had pursued a commitment from the beginning. It doesn't seem like you understand that.

The guy has been getting casual sex from you for some time - why would he not want that to continue? Why end the relationship completely, when women so often go back to those arrangements when they get lonely?

He knows it can end any time, and he accepts that, but he also knows that if you start dating some other guy, and it doesn't work out, that you may want some comfort and companionship, and he'll be ready for you)

[Erica686]

And your right. Because I have gone back to him even when I said and say no Sex. Ugh. And just like you said. He'll be ready to f me again. I gave him a test the other day to see what he'll say and how he'll respond. This was around 4 a. m. or 5 a. m. I messaged him and said hey are you still awake I don't know if you're busy or not but I was wondering if I can see you next week. Let me know. He got back to me around like 10 or 11 a. m. and said yeah I can. Ugh! I wasn't expecting him to say that but just as you said why would he turn that down. Now I got to get myself out of the situation before next week. Ahhhhh.

[Erica686]

I like the way you break it down I'm going to detail about situations into people's questions you make it where is more reason and understanding. But let me ask you this though. So I get that he's been going through some family stuff and he lost his nephew rest in peace and bless their souls and family. But I noticed anytime that I get online that can be Facebook or messenger well I guess that is part of Facebook but anytime that I get online or SnapChat he'll get off. And a lot of people will say that's just coincidence but to me it's not. So I figured it all out that he's avoiding me. Then also to when I do communicate with him he's very short with words. Like he'll respond back to what I say or maybe read it and respond to it later but then after that he's done with communicating with me and he disappears. But then if I get on messenger I'll see him online then he'll get off. So I'm like why are you avoiding me what is your reasons here. What do you think it could be, or did I just answer my own question?

[Erica686]

And my other thing is. Does he not understand the consequences of us hooking up.. If I ALLOW that. I mean of course we do and didn't use protection. But if the rubber or condom broke chances I will get pregnant and he probably wouldn't even tell me. And just like you and any other person would say. As long as you will allow it, he's going to keep on wanting it. But I look at the outcome of things. That's why I'm like, I can't keep sexting you. Smh.

[MrOracle]

He's likely avoiding you because you essentially told him your relationship was effectively over - even though you've continued it. He's going to avoid chatting with you until you tell him that you are friends again, or until you end it completely for real, because you've left things in limbo, and he isn't sure how to handle that.

As far as the consequences - that's something that YOU as an adult should have had a conversation with him about, and worked out IN ADVANCE what would happen in any scenario. That's what being an adult is all about. As the woman, you know that a pregnancy will impact you far more than him, so you need to take it upon yourself to initiate that conversation with ANY sex partner you have. And you need to make sure you are okay with their answer, and if you aren't, then you need to move on.

Glad I could help, and hope that helps a bit more.

[Erica686]

Ohh I see. That makes sense because when I told him that day cuz he's seen me for next week. He was like, yeah I can. But I definitely do feel that there is another energy around him so I'm not too pressed on trying to get closer to him. But yeah ever since I told him about my fake boyfriend and let him know that I was in a committed relationship with him. He has been very distance. I mean is to the point that he can't even being on the internet or web with me at the same time. At first It irritated me and bothered me, but now I laugh at it. It's because it's ridiculous what he's doing maybe you see something else there. Or if I did message him he'll be really short with words then he'll disappear. And him and I agree to be just friends or he agreed to be friends with me because he wasn't ready for a committed relationship. And my other reasons why I cut sex off. Because the more we've done it, the more he wants it. That's why I label the title that he's crazy. But it's been months since like July that we done anything so I'm not really pressed on it. I just got to get myself out of this situation before next week comes cuz he's going to be coming around looking for his girlfriend which is my vagina that's the only thing he seems like he's committed to. 😂😂😂😂

[Erica686]

And you are right like him and I we use protection and I don't get around like that he was my last. But you're right if anything did happen or if I allow that situation to continue that is something that I should talk to him about. But Thank You again! 🙃🙃😊

[LegendaryIcon]

friends with benefits is for pathetic loses with no lives

[spartan55]

HE'S crazy... yeah okay.

[Erica686]

He is. I just tested him a few hours ago and said hey can I see you next. And he's like yeah. Wtf! I don't have to tell him to come over and come fuck me, or can you get me wet, or I need some dick lol. We have a way of communicating when he knows I want something SEXUALLY. But my point is that's crazy because he really thinks I'm going to have sex with him. 😂😂😂😂

[spartan55]

'tested him'? Good lord, wtf are you doing? What did your little test accomplish? Did you really think he would say no? You are the one who can't let him go. Do you not have ANY self respect? He will never give you what you want.

[Erica686]

I haven't let him go. You are 100% right. But I do have enough respect for myself. I just thought that he would say No. I'm good.

[Erica686]

Ugh! Now I gotta get myself out if this situation before next week. 🤔🤔

[spartan55]

There you go expecting him to respond in a certain way. You will only set yourself up for further disappointment if you continue that.

[spartan55]

I bet getting out of your little test didn't even cross your mind when you decided to do that.

[Erica686]

No. But as he said to me he's been dealing with stuff and that's mainly more his Focus right now

[spartan55]

Translation: he figured out your test, and has no use for you since you won't fuck him. And you love this guy? Damn...

[Erica686]

No he's been going through something with his family. So he's been here and there

[spartan55]

Read the opinion @MrOracle wrote here. Then read it again.

[Erica686]

Okay I will 🙃