Why did he ask for a 2nd date in person and then change his mind?

[Lilphil123]

Went out with a guy on Friday and had a really great time. Convo was good and then went dancing and stayed until the bar closed. He ended up staying the night. He kept saying how he hasn’t had this much fun in a while and talking about a 2nd date. He kept saying “next time when we hang…” and then also as we were leaving asked to hang again.

He texted me the next day and asked how I was feeling and thanked me for showing him around. He then said he will let me know if he’s ever back in the area. Now that threw me for a loop. I thought there would be a definite 2nd date. He sent me a few more message and haven’t heard from him today at all. What happened?

[little_bird1]

From my experience, it's already too late because you gave him sex. I know that as we grow older we think having sex early on is a good mature thing, but unfortunately that "hidden rule" never changes. I'm fed up with guys disappearing after sex, but it is how it is, apparently that's how they function. So my advice is to stop giving into temptation, even if you both agreed that you want something more, only time will tell about his true intentions, leaving sex out of the equation. Because a fuckboy won't wait long, you'll notice his shift in behavior and attention. And the right guy won't change at all, he'll be happy just to hangout with you doing whatever.

[spartan55]

I like how you conveniently left out that you had sex. Kind of changes the whole situation.

[spartan55]

It doesn't sound like he actually asked for a second date from what you said.

[BarryLiverstone]

When he stayed the night did you have sex?

[Lilphil123]

Yes we did.

[BarryLiverstone]

He asked for the 2nd date because he wanted you to be excited and look forward to it and he got sex

[Lilphil123]

He asked for the 2nd date after sex though and mentioned hanging again in the morning too. So he was completely sober and already got his sex.

[BarryLiverstone]

Right but he hadn’t left yet. He didn’t wanna get into an argument or deal with negative emotions as he was still there. by the way for him the 2nd date will still happen but not for a while and then he will want more sex

[BarryLiverstone]

When he contacts you in a few weeks will you want to give him sex again?

[Lilphil123]

Ugh no not if he contacts me in a few weeks. Need to change my strategy apparently. I had been open previously to just a hookup but have been single now for 2 years and ready for something more.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes def need a strat adjustment. Be sensual, talk openly about sex all you want in the beginning. But communicate your boundaries so he knows sex is in the future as your feelings mature

[Lilphil123]

Wanted to give an update ! He messaged yesterday saying he’s coming in the area this week and asked to meet for drinks. I had already written him off as a one night stand but I guess we will see what happens. Not sure if he’s shy/insecure but he keeps saying “maybe we can meet up “. Guess will take slow and see how the date goes.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ty for the update. I called it, he is back and he wants to get alcohol into you so that you give him sex again. He’s not looking to date you. Will you meet him this weekend?

[Lilphil123]

I am open to seeing what happens. He is a lot younger than me so probably wouldn’t be the one anyways. I am open to a casual hookup just didn’t want it to be a one night stand of course.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are not staying consistent to what you said a week ago, did something change? He will want sex again and clearly isn’t looking for a relationship. If you want to keep it casual then I would suggest meeting for lunch. Less chance he will try to get you drunk. If he gives an excuse that he can’t do lunch that’s when you know

[Lilphil123]

Well I mean I didn’t want to be contacted as a booty call. I do eventually want sometbing serious but open to a hookup in the meantime.

[BarryLiverstone]

He is treating you as a booty call tho. That’s why I suggested a lunch or meet him for a walk. Him suggesting drinks and not planning a date means he wants sex. If that’s ok with you go for it. But I thought you might actually be ready for a more emotional relationship?

[Lilphil123]

Hm you mean because he just said “maybe we’ll meet for drinks “ and not taking initiative to make a definite plan? I guess all of my dates have been just meeting for drinks. A rare few have been dinner.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes. This is the 2nd date and he’s trying to replicate the first one. By now he should have learned some of what you like to do. Why wouldn’t he suggest another activity then?

[Lilphil123]

In my experience the booty call guys have gone straight to “can I come over “ or messaging late night to hang out. He seems a lot more respectful than those guys. Other guys weren’t interested in any type of hang out prior.

[BarryLiverstone]

Well you sound like you will just accept what ever effort he gives. I was just reminding you that you wanted to break the pattern of guys who just want sex. But I just hope you don’t believe he will want to stick around and it will morph into an actual relationship. As long as you know he’ll be gone eventually that’s up to you