Why did/do I have a habit of getting so delusional about men I barely even talked to? Am I schizophrenic?

[Anonymous]

I have a habit of doing this since HS... I will either have a few brief interactions or exchanges of words or even NONE but just see a guy around or something like that... Wether a guy at school or at work and my brain will intensely over-emotionally spend a long time (usually it has been YEARS) stalking his social media secretly and/or just having love romance fantasies about how we have this strong deep bond and connection and its just waiting for the right time for things to happen and him to pursue me. I am talking about guys who maybe said a few things to me here and there... These aren't male friends. At best one was a coworker who did compliment me here and there on a personal level but honestly the compliments didn't even have to be there for me to be obsessed with him because i fell in love with him at first sight and was so attracted to him before he ever complimented me. I have spent so much time sitting alone weeping balling my eyes out over these guys.

I dont think this is a normal pattern to have but this is how i bond apparently: by not bonding.

[RawIronhide]

I've had similar experiences where I just maybe thought someone was interested or hoped we'd have an entanglement that turns into a full on relationship. I realized it was likely because of an unstable upbringing. See the thing is that others know people for a long time and I'd moved around my whole childhood so I was working off the presupposition that If I was ever going to find love it had to happen spontaneously. This is very unconventional to how most people pair bond. I had to give up many things that I once identified with to come to a better understanding of my situation. I doubt your crazy hun, you just need time to reflect and put in the work by yourself before bringing other people into the mix.

[Asker]

Thanks, it seems you get it. Most people bond how?

[RawIronhide]

Well many people who don't move in early childhood and socialize regularly. Sometimes people know each other from grade school before hooking up. They experience dating in general much differently.

[Asker]

Ah... Yeah for me it may be some less obvious reason that i am unaware of. I think its unusual for true lasting love to come from people who have a friendship or similar bond hooking up with those romantic or other feelings but maybe it's even more rare for two people to spontaneously fall in love and have it lead to true lasting love. But somehow I wonder if the spontaneous way is more likely... I don't know.

[Asker]

I am open to aranged type marriage (where true lasting love i. e. commitment etc comes before romance and falling in love) but alas I am not from India so its practically out of the question sadly.

[RawIronhide]

Everyone does these things differently with varying levels of success. I'd implore you to give up all preconceptions about how it's supposed to work. You may find it better that way. If not you can always go back to the way you did it before.

[Asker]

thanks. I guess i spend too much time pondering how it could happen in the first place.

[Asker]

Thats a good idea i think. Cause we never know what spouse God may have for us or where/how we will meet. You just never know!

[knallpilz]

You're not schizophrenic, you're lonely.
Which is tough, because it's something to need to change by yourself. But it rarely every happens quickly (mostly because habits usually dont develop overnight and you don't want to scare people off by going overboard with your attachment), so you need to hang in there, while trying to get out there.

[Asker]

Loneliness is an internal condition

[knallpilz]

And usually a consequence of being deprived of necessary things for too long.

[Asker]

Before HS i had friends (which i haven't had since HS) and had a crush but i wasn't obsessed in fact i lost interest as soon as he started flirting with another girl. I was saw though but i also never spent time secretly obsessed and stalking him. I probably only started to like him cause he flirted first with me and i took to it.

At least thats reasonable, even if i was young and dumb! But just randomly pining for guys lmao... NAHHHH. Not normal.

[Asker]

Was sad though*

[Asker]

I ain't desperate though lol. I am coming closer to reality slowly. Just questioning my romance habits is evidence of that. I recall years ago i was neck deep in the silly sauce.

[Jamie05rhs]

I used to be like that when I was a kid. I just had to teach myself not to fall for it anymore. It's part of growing up.

[Asker]

I partially blame astrology. It helped me form fantasies about our "relationship" potential and 'secret untapped bond'

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker Ohh. Yeah, that is an easy trap to fall into.
But the only way of really knowing how compatible you are is by talking to the person.

[Asker]

Yep. Thats something very foreign to me LMAO. Do you at all believe in astrology?

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol

No, not really.

[Asker]

may i ask, have you talked to a woman and found out if you were compatible? I need to learn some conversational skills.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, I have. However, keep in mind that exploring compatibility is a long-term process. And the way this is done is to keep finding Yeses until you come to a No. But you do this by *actively* looking for Nos. In other words, first make a list of your most important Yeses and Nos (green lights and red lights). Then begin conversing with the person and start asking questions. When you come to a No, and it's a deal-breaker, then break things off and move on. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.

[Asker]

Oh wow i have a bunch of Yes and No's already so I am on track.

[Jamie05rhs]

Haha. So how are you balancing them out? Does he have more nos or more yeses? ... But then again, it only really takes one No to end the game. Don't be afraid to send him back from whence he came.

[Asker]

There are no guys that I speak to right now. But a few in my vicinity who pursue me I assume for casual sex but I am celibate until marriage. But guys like that give off 1001 hints of what they're really after before they even get to the point of pitching it to you. Lots of No's being spotted in them.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh really? Haha. What kind of hints?

[Asker]

Well their demeanor itself... If they are just joking around, annoying me on purpose, making jokes or hints about sexual things, if they very much lack a sense of responsibility and chivalry.. Its subtle at times but i trust it.

[Jamie05rhs]

So dudes aren't allowed to joke? 🤨

[Asker]

Yeah you can joke lol! I usually use my intuition for this but i tried to paint a picture of some guys i knew since you asked. Its more a case by case basis. I learned i need to rely on my intuition more than i used to. used to be very much mechanical. Fine tuning the balance

[Anonymous]

Because you're a woman. Congrats! You're pretty normal. You spend too much time in your head stoking your emotions and creating storyline that don't really exist. But that don't make you crazy. It just means you prefer a pleasant fiction to a mediocre reality.

[ArtemisSilver]

Sounds like you're just really hoping for an intimate relationship but, you're too shy to make an overt move and end up daydreaming instead.

Make a new habit and get yourself a date 🙂

[Asker]

Man should pursue but i could possibly work on being more talkative i guess? I hate forcing meaningless chatter though because then I feel like an empty balloon, not human.