How long, if ever, did you wait for someone who wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with you?

Question

I’ve been seeing a guy since the end of last year and I really really like him. I asked a few times if he would ever want to be with me and he would brush it off and tell me how much he liked me. I finally gave up and outright said look I take it you don’t actually want to be in a relationship with me. He explained that he couldn’t tell me why he wasn’t ready but he just wasn’t. He said he would work on himself and then do it properly with me.

I really want to be with this man but deep down I feel that it’s never going to happen. Would you wait? Have you ever been in a similar situation, what did you do?

I know he isn’t using me for sex or whatever because we’ve never gotten that far. Just incase it looks like that is the case.

I guess I just would like to know what you would do or have done or if you have been this guy before because I’m really struggling.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Originally I told myself that I was only gonna wait a maximum of 6 months bc some people just need extra time to be ready for an actual relationship and I understand that butttt I’ve now been waiting a little over a year in total…

I can’t bring myself to leave him, he treats me like a girlfriend but he won’t make it official and when I asked about it he said “what difference is it gonna make? It’s only a label and we’re pretty much acting like we’re in a relationship already just not officially - I can’t handle the pressure just yet”

If I were you, I would wait for a bit (but not too long, definitely not for 6 months like I did lol) but at the same time you need to ask yourself if he’s worth waiting for.

Jennajay1719 · Accepted Answer

I've waited 10 months (was dating him recently) and another time with a different guy (when I was 20) I waited 2 years... its not worth it especially if a guy says he's not ready. Its a BIG waste of your TIME! When you can be enjoying yourself going out with friends and having adventures. Sometimes they can say "I need to work on myself" but its all bs they just say that to keep you attached while to them you're getting dragged along while they look for another option. I know it really sucks it hurts because you care so much for that person and you begin to have these expectations in the future and thats how you get hurt since the outcomes go differently.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well for us guys it's different because when a woman says she's "not ready" it usually means "not interested" and never will be. And that could be the "nice" way of trying to let you down easy (even though people don't realize this is actually worse because it leave the person with hope, which is way worse than just being honest with them). But, maybe he really isn't ready, and because it's personal with him, there's no time table as to when he will be (maybe never)? My suggestion is to not wait around. I mean, if you're single anyway if/when he does become "ready", then great, and you can remain friends in the meantime, but I wouldn't put your romantic life on hold waiting either.

Staximus · Accepted Answer

If he is still sticking around after not getting any sex for that long and doesn't pressure you for sex, he might really like you. Maybe he has commitment issues or is just a strange person. Maybe in his mind he's not ready. Or he's got a girlfriend already and is keeping you waiting in the wings in case they break up. Have you ever hung out with him all night? Has this guy always had to leave and go home or somewhere at the end of the night or at strange times on his days off? Does he always cut your time short or say "I've got to go" too many times? Or does he pay no attention to what time it is when he's with you?

greentealatte · Answer

If he isn't having sex with you and said he wants to be with you "properly", I don't see why you shouldn't give him a chance. I wouldn't wait too long though. Waiting is hard.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Stop trying… cut your losses. And just go. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone who’s clearly not into you

WhitneySnow · Answer

I’m really sus. Why can’t he tell you what’s holding him back? Maybe he’s like secretly married or something.

serious · Answer

I have never been in that situation because I have never liked anyone. Never liked a woman.

Carolus · Answer

Why you wasting time waiting on people who aren’t ready when am ready?

Guy13 · Answer

3 months to decide is as long as I go then it’s a complete write off.

Anonymous · Answer

Id move on immediately and put her on a back burner.

Avicenna · Answer

Honestly? Never. I just met another woman.

Waldoe · Answer

I have never waited...

JohnK123 · Answer

A month or two at max

How long, if ever, did you wait for someone who wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with you?

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