My boyfriend hasn't bought me anything, including flowers which I've asked for. Why?

[Lr_today]

I'm in my late 30s dating same age guy for 4 months. He's wealthy, I'm not but pay for around 1/3 of our dates (we don't go out often because pandemic).
When he hadn't yet, I sat him down and directly asked him to buy me flowers about a month ago, he still hasn't (so it's *not* a communication issue!). He claims to be super into me and we both think this is our lifetime relationship.
I've got him expensive and thoughtful gifts, he's got me nothing (even though I've hinted). I'm talking needing a new screen protector for $10 and he sent me a link instead of ordering for me. He makes about 6 times my salary.
I'm not a gold digger, and I get that gift giving isn't his "love language" but JC it makes me feel unwanted or cared for.
I think asking him straight out "I really like flowers, I'd really like you to buy them for me, randomly or special occasions, here are some that I like" is enough and I shouldn't have to ask again but it seems like my directly asking didn't get through.
So... is there a way to get through to my boyfriend that I want him to buy me flowers and thoughtful gifts?

[MrOracle]

1. Stop buying him expensive gifts.

2. Most guys see a woman outright ASKING for material things (even inexpensive ones) as a red flag, and he may be deliberately testing you to see if that's really an issue - i. e., if you really insist on material gifts.

There's nothing at all wrong with a woman saying to a man something like "I'm one of those girls who really loves to be given flowers - for special occasions or really random times. I love how they look and how they smell and when a guy gets them for me, it's like he really gets me." That's telling him what you like and why, but it's NOT the same as saying "buy me stuff." "Buy me stuff" is a turn-off to most men - perhaps an exception might be a guy who is autistic and really doesn't understand the social expectations around gifts and things.

3. You are dead right in that "gifts are not his love language" - but if receiving gifts are yours, that may well be a huge problem and it may not be something you can overcome. This is why compatibility is so important. He might be handsome or wealthy or fit or whatever - things that pleased you initially - but long-term compatibility issues are always more important in the long run.

4. It may also be that he's just selfish or stingy - which doesn't speak highly of his character. You know him better than any of us do. Does he show himself to be generous in other ways? Is he generous with his time, attention, or labor?

in my opinion, you need to talk to some MEN in your life that you trust - your father, an uncle, and older brother, etc. and see what they think about him. They'll know you and your cultural norms better than we do, and can give you better insight. Our ability to help may be limited. In the end, though, YOU are going to have to decide if his morals, values, and character are solid enough to spend your life with him or not, and if not, then dump him and move on. But get some male advice first, to make sure you aren't missing something. We can only see what YOU see and describe to us, but THEY will have other questions that we won't know to ask, so they can likely give you better advice.

[Lr_today]

1. Done. Expensive no, but little/inexpensive stuff I can't help myself, if I'm thinking of him and see something I get it for him, I just don't understand why he doesn't think of me that way.
2. I did explain in a way I thought wasn't pushy, saying it meant a lot to me to get flowers and I'd really like him to. But I will try explaining again. I even mentioned that carnations or flowers picked outside are just as wonderful, to say it was just the thought/gesture.
4. He's generous in other ways yes, time, emotionally and affection especially.

And thank you, I've asked some of my close guy friends and will see what they say. 🙂

[jshm2]

Seems more like you're a friend than a girlfriend, tbh.

He's not taking you seriously and perhaps you need to be clearer in how things should be?

Wealth should rarely be a factor. I've dated poorer girls, I've dated richer girls. Some ask, some don't, but I was attentive to some and not others depending on their personalities.

If you're too chatty then some of your needs can get lost in the noise.

But in your case, I think you're in a weak relationship, yeah it's only been 4 months, but you should be in a stronger position than you are.

[mermaidcancermoon]

he's not that into you. Either the emotional connection hasn't been felt on his end or you're a placeholder for when he's lonely.

When a guy is into you, he will spend.

[Gangactivities911]

What is wrong the people of this post fr

[WhitneySnow]

He’s cheap and doesn’t sound that nice. Asking him directly didn’t work. Sometimes you have to break up with a guy to get him to listen and take you seriously.

[Keyboardkat]

If you are thinking of this as a permanent relationship, this is a red flag. For many people, money stands for something else. People who are not generous with their money or worldly goods tend not to be generous in other ways, either! So if I were you, I'd want to sit down and bring this issue into the open and have a frank discussion about it. It may be about little gifts now, but it could be larger issues later. You say he's a wealthy guy, and he can't buy you a $10 screen protector, for heaven's sake? What's going on here?

[SayLesss]

The best thing to do is enforce these standards during the first dates. You essentially payed him a dowry with your body and wife duties. He’s not obligated to do anything at this point. You give him plural years of your life.

[Lr_today]

I'm curious as to how one would enforce these standards? And is it too late now to do this? Am I asking too much to expect these small gestures, it seems like "enforcing" it would be forced and therefore fake.

[SayLesss]

Everything depends on him at this point. Example if a man picked you up on a first date with flowers that’s how you know you have a man that doesn’t mind pleasing you. It’s all about how much he invests early on. Remember you’re a woman and you’re the one that needs to be courted.

[TwiNshichamp1]

Dear Iam so sorry for what you're passing through right now. For the way I love that deep and make sure I give my partner all happiness she wants, I would be really heart broken if this happens to me. It seems the guy just want to use you not being with you for a long time. It seems he doesn't see you as a longtime partner just a pass by girlfriend. Besides that why would you not use your money on girl you love/ even a girl you're with? Will not make him broke, I mean trust me if a man really loves you he will do whatever to make you happy but not the opposite way. I advice you, talk to him about this. Ask him what you really mean to him and ask him about this. You will get all the answers. Is not good to invest in a relationship which you both don't invest in, it's dehydrating. You have to move on. Feeling so bad about this dear. Iam so sorry I can feel you!!

[love_neptune]

It doesn't seem like he understands why this is important for you, maybe try to explan how it makes you feel if you haven't already! If he still doesn't make any effort... you deserve better.

[Lr_today]

Thank you! I guess I'll sit him down again and explain (ugh!) that it's important to me and that not doing it is actually causing damage.

[Keyboardkat]

Remember that this discussion should not be about the flowers, it's about his behavior pattern. It shouldn't be just you explaining. Does he actually HEAR YOU when you talk about it? Does he RESPOND?

[Wubs3000]

Gift giving isn't my love language either, but I think when you start dating, you should always give someone a gift. And then proceed with spontaneous flowers, gifts, cute little things here and there. (I guess I can't talk its been a week and I still need to get a gift but whatever)

[Gangactivities911]

U r so dramatic. Imagine everything going well and ur making a big deal cuz he doesn’t get u flowers. LOL. This is a perfect example of why a lot of men hate dating women. Like ur making such a big deal out of the littlest thing ever. Why the fuck does he owe u flowers? Do u owe him whatever random favor he wants? Ur equals u can’t just demand he gets u flowers and be mad if he doesn’t. Like it get it would be thoughtful but u can’t force something like that.

[PatriceONeal]

You sat him down? Wtf is he your kid? Women are so out of control lmao. This guy likely lost all attraction for you when you thought you could dictate his courting process.

[Anonymous]

”I’m not a gold digger but I want him to buy me gifts! It makes me feel unwanted.”

😐

No, you’re a gold digger.

[mermaidcancermoon]

Gift exhange is a love language. Its not about the cost of the gift, but impressing and showing love by getting someone something they like. Flowers cost $20 and chocolates cost $10

Gold digging wouldne someone who fishes for the finest things that are often very expensive or inconsiderate of his salary. She does not fit that description, so she's not a gold digger

[rollercalt]

lol you must be a really broke ass douche to think $20 a month on flowers makes her a gold digger. the bar truly is in hell.

[Gangactivities911]

@rollercalt why does he have to get her anything at all? Like it’s not cheap, the idea that a man should have to pay a single penny to get a girls attention is outrageous, sexist and dehumanizing. Do u like him for him or do u like him for what he can do for u?

[PatriceONeal]

@rollercalt why do you deserve monthly flowers?

[Opinion Owner]

@PatriceONeal because she has a vagina and they think that entitles them to special treatment. Women act like they have gold between their legs. It’s ridiculous.

[PatriceONeal]

Factory

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound like he's the guy for you. If he's not doing it after those comments, he's not going to.

[Paul09]

So is this relationship based on things? Things do not prove love. It's just a treat. Neither does marriage. Experiences for me.

[Sparkie460]

Next time you're out together and you see flowers, put them in his hand and say buy me these

[rollercalt]

kindof takes the gesture out of it but it would get it done if she really wants them! ;)

[Keyboardkat]

@rollercalt The point isn't the flowers. The point is the gesture which he won't make! I think there's a problem here, and they need to stop beating around the bush and bring it into the open and talk about it!

[rollercalt]

@Keyboardkat true. the gesture is what she is needing not the physical thing.

[Zolly99999]

He is either cheap or thinks you are not worth the expense yet.

[Wise4myage]

He's a cheap bastard.

[Gangactivities911]

Yet he pays for 1/3 of their dates and makes way more than her?

[IsoUser]

I'd say that he is just being a D! ck LMFAO

[Guy13]

Oh my…

[Guy13]

Not bright…no woman should never have to ask for flowers 💐. Flowers, even yard picked clovers and one daffodil 🌼 are Magical

[Iron_Man]

He’s very cheap