Why would he delay returning my things when he's in a new relationship?

[RedGamer]

We broke up just under 3 months ago. He told me he stopped himself having feelings for me and didn't allow himself to get attached. He said he can't think on terms of a relationship and doesn't want one with me or anyone else.

I returned his t-shirt after 2 weeks. Im still waiting for my jacket. I left it as his friends when we went out, his friend was meant to send it and didn't. My "ex" collected it and told me he sent it himself about 3 weeks ago before he went on holiday, I didn't receive it.

Waited until after his holiday to let him know. He said it got returned to him because the address was wrong, but then said he forgot to put the first line of the address. How tf could you "forget" to put the most important part on a package? That was over a week ago and I'm still waiting. Found out a couple days ago that he's in a relationship.

Side note- he had an opportunity to tell me he was seeing someone. He was originally meant to stay at mine before flying. I offered that he can pop in for a coffee if he wants to. He said, I dont think I can now but thanks for the offer and then suggests that we play a game when he gets back (obviously it didn't happen)

Why?

[HollyK21]

Maybe he hasn’t told you because he doesn’t know how you’ll take it or how that would look on his part. I mean you two haven’t even been broken up for 3 months and he’s already in a relationship... that doesn’t look so great. As for the jacket, I would cut my losses, if you haven’t already. I’ve lost items to an ex before that I truly loved so I get the feeling, but unfortunately not everyone is accommodating post break up, and getting the jacket back to you doesn’t have the same prioritization as you had when giving back his shirt. At this point, it’s just a means to keep in contact aside from gaming, and personally I’d rather cut the cord so that I could move on.

[RedGamer]

He knew it wasn't gonna look good one bit. He was clearly seeing this girl for awhile because he restricted me on Facebook about a month ago so obviously didn't want me seeing.

You're right and I have cut my losses, he was pretty accommodating when I first mentioned it a while ago, said he'd pay for the postage and seemed eager to get it back to me. Didn't seem like the type of guy to hold something hostage for the sake of conversation down the line.

Either way, the options been taken away from him, finding out he lied to me and is in a relationship was too overwhelming so he's blocked on everything now. I either get my jacket back or I don't, my healing is more important right now.

Thank you for commenting

[HollyK21]

Unfortunately at this point I believe the jacket is leverage, and just a means to keep the lines of communication open. That’s what my ex did with my things, one item was this expensive custom belt with a rhinestone buckle, I was devastated to let it go more than the other things. But as you said, healing and moving on is so much more important, because you can get back material items but you can’t get back the time and energy further invested. At least you can walk away with peace of mind, since you didn’t do anything wrong.

[RedGamer]

I'm sorry that happened to you, did he ever try and return it?

It could be used as leverage as he knows its my favourite. Im not sure why it would be used though considering he didn't want me

[HollyK21]

By leveraging I mean using your jacket as a means to have you reaching out and asking for it, or to communicate about it in the future. I know it doesn’t make sense, especially sense he’s the one that ended things, but sometimes guys just want to control the narrative. Some dudes (even women sometimes) can have no feelings for the person and still want to play those silly games. Of course these are just theories, and it could be like I originally said to where he’s just not prioritizing giving you your jacket back.

[HollyK21]

Also thanks for your condolences, I didn’t get my belt back, it’s been some years since that happened and I’ve since gotten another made that fits my style more now lol but what I’ve learned is to try and avoid that in the future.

[maximumpower]

Take the initiative - just go and get it.

[RedGamer]

He lives hours away

[maximumpower]

That bit of info would have been helpful in the first place.
EIther way, return of your items doesn't appear to be among his priorities.
If it means something to you, arrange for a meeting somewhere between your places to get it back.
This really isn't that difficult to figure out. Don't make it more difficult than it is.

[spartan55]

Why what?

[RedGamer]

Why would he delay returning my things when he's in a new relationship

And why not tell me he's seeing someone when I offered him round for a coffee and he suggests we play a game when he's back

Just why to all of it

[spartan55]

He's keeping your stuff for leverage. The other stuff, who knows. Doesn't matter now anyway.