How stop boyfriend to spend money?

[Anonymous]

We dont live together yet, but for example he got 250£ for exta hours and important client

On mon day he has dantist which is expensive af and he knew damn well he needs that money to add to another 500£ to finish his horrible teeth. what he did? that night he went to a pub with friends until 6a. m...

Treated me like shit and rude this morning because he had headache... and hangover

Then said that he is an idiot and it was self inflicted thing and its only him to blame

I mean everytime he gets some extra money he spends it... as stupid as its posible, not on useful things.

He need new shoes... im thinking to buy him ones, he never has money

But why i must think about it if its him who spends money on drinks?

Then he cries he doesn't have enough money...

I dont fucking know what to do with this situation and he gets extra rude with this topic when i try say him he shouldn't spend on that nonsense shit

[Bee-Hatch]

That sounds like quite a dependent relationship. If you keep funding him, you're enabling him to carry on with no repercussions. Stand your ground, pay what you need to survive that's a joint interest like any rent etc. But if he's short then that's his fault, not yours. He can't keep expecting you to be his stand in mother. If he's not going to change, you might have to move on before he drags you under. Financial control is a recognised form of abuse by most related bodies in the UK.

[Asker]

How i know its financial control?

[Bee-Hatch]

He's blowing his money recklessley and expecting you to pick up the slack. Leaves you short, when you should be able to look after yourself, based on what you earn. Ask yourself this - if you had to stop work for 6 months and rely on him, would you survive?

[Asker]

He would be giving me money with anger

[Asker]

I can't rely in him
When he is in bad mood he doesn't even pick up the phone
Even if i was in fucking hospital he wouldn't know because if its one of those anger days
He literally ignores me whole day

[Asker]

He doesn't learn
His mom was close to death he got angry at her and didn't soeak to her
She died
He did t have a chansce to talk to her
Because some days ago he hang up a phone on her

[Bee-Hatch]

Honestly the more you say, the more toxic it sounds. You've a leach bleeding you dry. He's having tantrums to punish folk that don't do what he wants. Do what you have to do. But get a plan and move on from him. Sever contact once you're free from him.

[Asker]

But we are happy when he is in good mood

[Bee-Hatch]

That's how victims of abuse talk. Honestly. You want someone with unconditional love, not a tap that turns on and off depending on his mood.

Do me a favour - folk on here will not always steer you straight. Read this and see what you think. It's nothing to do with me, but a few of the points you've mentioned already. And other points will undoubtedly make a lot of sense.

www.healthline.com/.../signs-of-mental-abuse

[Asker]

Thanks

[Asker]

But why victim?

[Asker]

Ok got it... its him in 90%

[Bee-Hatch]

You're on the receiving end of something that's not your fault. It's not a great term, but 'victim' is the word usually used. It wasn't meant to be horrible towards you, but hopefully the article helps open your eyes a bit.

[Asker]

He is sad frudtrated loser with 0 control of his life and own emotions
Everytime therr is some problem in his miserable life he makes me pay for it

[Asker]

Im helping him a lot
So he stops with his problems but still he tells me i love you
Then yells shut up at me

[Bee-Hatch]

Ok I'm going to hit you with one more article. This time written by Dr Karyl McBride, she's a Dr of Psychology. The article she wrote is published in Psychology Today, so it's not just some tabloid quiz. See how much this one makes sense. When I finally left my Spouse, this helped me finally understand what I'd walked away from.

www.psychologytoday.com/.../is-your-partner-narcissist-here-are-50-ways-tell

[Asker]

He is English by the way lol from Bexley

[Asker]

Hitting basacally every point... sad

[Bee-Hatch]

What you do is up to you. People like this are emotionally and mentally unstable. They use those around them like pieces in their own private game. When you stop playing the way they like they'll seek to punish (those angry outbursts are a part of it).

But if you decide to end it. I'd Read up a little on their tactics. You will be viewed as acting without his authority and he will try to bring you back in line. The may try using a technique known as love bombing, basically a massive charm offensive. It's calculated to show you how nice he is and you're a fool to not want him in your life. It will last a few weeks until you go back then slowly he will slide back into his old ways. Then he will seek to give you an appropriate punishment for your disobedience, which will typically be drawn out bordering on sadistic.

There's also a chance they'll turn vindictive or nasty. Usually because they feel their authority is challenged.

Once you're free try to sever contact and keep him out of your life, they will hang onto any reason to mess for you, sometimes for years. They'll try anything to keep tabs on you, so watch your social media and keep watch out for unknown numbers. Don't be afraid to report him to the police if you feel worried or scared.

[andreasderjuengere]

Sad to hear that.

He needs to figure it out by himself, though.

Apparently, he does not listen to you. to ''help'' him out will not really help him.

As a suggestion: I made ''being poor'' and being stingy a hobby. Once you get into the rhythm, it's quite a nice feeling to show expenses the middle finger.

[Asker]

I didn't get abou hobby being poor
Can explaine?
Its so stupid because when we are together he never spends money on me
But he spends money on drinks for his friends
... wtf. fucking bacardis... who he wants to impress? with his toothless face 😡
He told me once"you are the only woman in my life... if i ever put a dick in someone it will be you"
I know he has no close friends
I bought him clothes before, I care for him
I help him
I know no other person will!!! nobody
... but tjunks its better spend money with his mate that with " only woman" in his life
He once said its because then he can get favours from them
Now Please explaine me this male think i struggle to understand

[andreasderjuengere]

The ''hobby'' - I just enjoy to NOT spend money, unless it's necessary. And finding cheaper ways for the things I want also is some kind of emotional reward.
His ''male-think'' - I can only guess. He DOES hope for improvements, but he does NOT have the drive to make them happen on his own. He perhaps needs to wake up.
Maybe there's some kind of activity and 'good-feeling' that YOU can give him, but not his drinking mates?

[Asker]

I am inspiring him to change
But its not enough as i can't find a correct approcah
Today i said it wasn't good to spend the money he told me to shut up...

[Asker]

How can I be His drive?
He needs it

[Sandeeppingping]

Don't, I just got 2 bracelets for 50$ and 2 watches for 600$, I'm not even rich but who gives a shit

[Guy13]

Sounds like you are in a no win situation?

[Asker]

Now win?
I dont want to win anything
I want him to be more smart with his money

[Guy13]

No kidding and I don’t think you can therefore you are in a no win situation 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Asker]

What to do?