Why would a guy with BPD ghost you?

[Anonymous]

He has borderline personality disorder and runs in cycles with me. He will be kind tell me he loves me and be generally attentive for a few days then he switches off. He gets distant and ghosts. My last message I said I loved him and it's been left on delivered for 10 days. He left me on delivered but still has me as a friend on FB. Any clue what could be goung on?

[petitedollbabee]

Sometimes people with bpd just need a break. Ghosting people and taking some time for yourself is very common behaviour for someone with bpd. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, or doesn’t want you. Do some research on bpd, learn about what behaviours are normal for that disorder, and go from there. It’s not easy to date someone with bpd, so once you’ve researched all of the symptoms and behaviours of bpd, I think you should seriously consider whether this is a relationship you should continue to pursue.

[Asker]

Aren't they afraid to be alone and abandonment though that's what I don't get

[petitedollbabee]

They are, so to prevent themselves being abandoned or ditched, they abandon people. It gives them a sense of control over what happens to them.

If you knew someone was going to break up with you, would you not break up with them first and save yourself the trouble? That’s how it feels to someone with bpd. They have a voice in their head telling them that people hate them or people are going to leave them, so sometimes they end up leaving everyone to save themself the heart ache of being left.

[Anonymous]

That’s not love. That’s doing what he wants and blaming it on his bpd. Trust me I get it, I was on and off with my ex from 2014-2020 and he was diagnosed bipolar. He’s blame every ghosting, messing up, and hurting me on his condition. I’m not saying that it doesn’t affect you guy’s life, but accountability has to happen somewhere and at the end of the day he’s still making conscious decisions to put you through all that, for no good reason.

[Opinion Owner]

*he’d

[petitedollbabee]

Bipolar is very different from bpd. Your experience with someone who had bipolar, is not the same experience as the OP is having with someone with bpd.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s what it was, me not adding disorder to it was just laziness

[petitedollbabee]

You said bipolar. Bipolar is not bpd. Bpd stands for borderline personality disorder. They’re completely different disorders.

[Opinion Owner]

He had bipolar disorder, that’s all there is to it. No need to fuss over leaving out a word.

[petitedollbabee]

I think you are not listening to what I’ve said, and are thinking that I’m attacking you or something? Bipolar disorder (BD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) are two completely different disorders. So your experience with someone who had bipolar, not BPD, has nothing to do with the OP’s question, because she’s talking about someone who has BPD, not bipolar.

[Opinion Owner]

I see what you mean. Still, there are some similarities in behavior, and her boyfriend can’t blame all the ghosting and stuff on his disorder. Accountability matters.

[petitedollbabee]

I agree that there are similarities, but the way that someone with BP thinks is very different to the way that someone with BPD thinks. And I also agree that no one should blame their bad behaviour on their mental illness, accountability needs to be taken. But from what OP wrote, I don’t think the guy she’s talking about was blaming anything on his BPD. I think he’s just ghosted her without any explanation.

[petitedollbabee]

BD* not BP.

[Opinion Owner]

The thing that caught my attention with this situation and reminded of my ex is the fact that it’s not an instance of ghosting, it’s a cycle, ten days long with this one. I know how someone with BD Vs BPD thinks isn’t quite the same, but things like that are just unnecessary and hurtful. Telling her he needs some space for a few hours, days, etc would suffice, rather than just going awol.

[Anonymous]

Read up about what bpd is and the behaviour of a bpd