Guys, He says he's trying and putting forth effort but I need male perspective?

[Anonymous]

Me and this guy have been best friends for about 3 months now. We spend just about everyday together after work, going to dinner, having a few drinks, etc. We are actually taking a weekend trip with his children this weekend then going on a weekend getaway the following weekend, just me and him.

He knows that I have feelings for him and he always said that we wouldn't cross that friendship line. Well, about a week ago, that line was crossed. We started sleeping together and I slept at his house every night except for one. We do everything as a couple. He even uses the words "we", "ours", "us", etc. We are going to make yard signs with the kids' names on them and he told me "Don't forget about our signs too." I said, "Oh, I didn't know I was getting a yard sign to put in your front yard where everyone can see." He said, "Sure, why not?"

Last night we had a conversation and he told me that he doesn't have feelings like I do but that he's trying. He said he can't make any promises and he doesn't want to hurt me but he is trying. Everyone who knows us says the chemistry is undeniable and he must just be blind to it, or scared (He was cheated on).

Have you ever been in this situation and come out in the end in a relationship or is this doomed for failure?

[MrOracle]

You are physically attracted to each other, and you have feelings for him, especially because he's distant and "mysterious" - but it's really that he has no feelings for you beyond lust, which is usually the case with men who are "distant and mysterious."

You are operating completely on feelings, instead of using any logic, structure, or boundaries for your relationships, and when your rules are messy, your relationships are messy. There's a REASON why courtships had specific rules and orders of events - it was to prevent people (mostly women) from getting into this exact situation: where you've invested in someone who doesn't have feelings for you. You've ignored the rules, boundaries, and proper order and did whatever your feelings told you to do, and now you're in a position where the best case scenario is that you get emotionally hurt.

I'm not trying to be mean about it, I'm trying to get you to THINK and to take some responsibility for your decision-making, because it is YOU who will suffer when you make bad choices. You can have flings with hot guys that give you "the feels" if you don't mind just being used for casual sex, but if you want a relationship with a man who actually cares about you, it's highly unlikely that the man is going to be particularly hot, or popular, or wealthy. He's far more likely to be an average guy - the kind that are largely invisible to you. He's most likely to be stable and to follow the rules, and you'll find that boring - but the alternative is "exciting" guys that stir up your feelings for the first couple of months, but who you can't stand being around 6 months later, because he ignores you and is probably cheating on you.

[joeldalton]

Sounds like he's leading you on.