Guys, what do you think the guy I’m seeing feels about this other girl he’s texting?

[Anonymous]

I posted a few weeks ago about a guy im seeing- I snooped in his phone (I know it’s wrong) but saw a text chat with a girl he dated right before me. He said he liked her but she wanted something serious and he wasn’t ready after getting out of a 6 year relationship. In their texts- he told her months ago he could fall for her but he can’t fall for anyone right now. He also told her he that when felt like he missed his teens and early 20s and he just wasn’t ready for something else etc. she asked if he’d never want to be with her and he said “just not ready for something serious right now” What does that even mean? Him and I aren’t serious or official but we don’t sleep with anyone else. He did tell her in his texts he can’t see her “at the moment” because he’s “seeing someone” and hoped she understood. But they still talk! She sends him voice notes and he replies with smileys! Nothing he writes is sexual but he is very kind to her and he isn’t encouraging her to stop texting him. Upon you guys advice I asked him what she is to him- he said she’s someone he dated and he said he ended it with her because he didn’t want to hurt her as he wasn’t ready for serious and she was. And he then just turned it to me not having a right to look in his phone. And so in your opinion as men, does he still have feelings for her? Why talk to her at all if you didn't want to be with her? His texts look like he likes it! Even though he’s not agreeing to meet right now?

[Iron_Man]

Are you the same girl that’s looking me up in the questions

[Asker]

Yes! That’s right haha

[Iron_Man]

Lol right I thought so

[Asker]

I was looking for you because you had the best advice last time and I spoke to him about what she is to him. And he’s still messaging him! But he says she’s someone he dated and she wanted serious when he wasn’t ready. That’s all he will say

[Asker]

Also he’s still talking to her!

[Iron_Man]

How long has this been going on now? Seems like he’s looking for his cake and ice cream Altogether

[Asker]

Looks like they broke up month before I started seeing him- details from what I wrote above plus last time: they didn’t speak for most of summer when I started dating him. Then she messaged him in August. He ALWAYS replies to her and he sends her smileys etc. he hasn’t met her. And she hasn’t asked. He told her he’s seeing someone and he said he’s not comfortable with them being together in person “at the moment” because of that but she sends him voice notes on WhatsApp and he replies with smileys and they discuss his grad school or she sends him links to dive sites as they both love scuba diving

[Asker]

It’s nothing sexual. But he seems to enjoy it. His only response to me is “I said I wouldn’t see her at the moment so what’s wrong?”

[Iron_Man]

How long are you going to wait around while he takes his sweet time?

[Asker]

What do you think he wants from her? If he’s not pursuing it sexually and it’s just chat- I don’t get why he wouldn’t just stop? Or maybe i am in denial that he’s keeping her around for later

[Iron_Man]

Maybe he’s telling you he doesn’t want to pursue it sexually But how do you know he’s telling you the truth how long have you actually know this guy? How long do you talk when you talk to him and how many days a week do you talk?

[Asker]

Well we see each other once a week or so. I’m basing him not pursuing her sexually on the text I read to her when he said he can’t meet her at the moment because he’s seeing someone. But As we discussed last time- it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t pursue it in the future I guess. I just don’t get why he wants to chat with her if he’s not actually meeting up with her now. And he also broke up with her because she wanted a serious relationship he wasn’t ready for. Like what does he even plan to do by staying in contact with her.

[Iron_Man]

You can’t have two girlfriends he’s got to make a decision and I don’t think him being her friend is going to work out at all basically once you’ve dated and had romantic connections it’s hard to just shut it off and be friends and it’s probably driving you crazy isn’t it? How long has this been going on?

[Asker]

About 6 weeks. Half the time we’ve been seeing each other. He doesn’t call me his girlfriend at all. He just says we’re dating. I don’t know if he thinks she’s his friend? I don’t know WHAT he wants from her! lol that’s what I’m asking the opinion on. It seems strange. He doesn’t meet her but doesn’t stop talking to her. And he only said he won’t meet her for now. I feel if he liked me, he’d not talk to girls he cares about to not risk messing it up with me

[Iron_Man]

No wonder that’s basically nothing six weeks and he’s not gonna get rid of his ex girlfriend for somebody he just met six weeks ago, you guys aren’t even in love and it’s way too soon to even say that. This is really complicated

[Iron_Man]

Thanks for most helpful award

[Guy13]

Yes he does care for her and…

[Asker]

Ok but what does he want from her? If he doesn’t want to be with her, why does he want to stay in touch while seeing me? I don’t get it

[Guy13]

He wrote you off the minute he discovered you were in his phone. Sadly, there is nothing about you he trusts now. This really sucks but you may have unintentionally pushed him into her arms. If he suddenly drops off radar 📡…or stops being intimate….
I bet the moment you left his space after he got on you about getting in his phone…The moment you were gone was the moment he reconnected with her to see if there was still something secure there.

[Asker]

😢 I get what you mean. He didn’t seem angry I was in his phone just refused to answer more than I wrote which is why I’m asking for opinions. My question is more around: do you believe he’s only texting with her to be polite because he knows she wanted to be with him and he wasn’t ready - like he feels guilt for hurting her? Or do you think he’s texting back because he cares about her too? And if so? Why didn’t he just be with her when she wanted it and not date other girls casually? I don’t get it

[Guy13]

He plans to be with her. He doesn’t want to waste the “perfect” opportunity.
This is where you come into play. You crossed the line with phone providing him an opportunity to violate you too. You are his “rebound girl” and he can justify it because of your phone snooping.

So, You can cherish your moments now knowing it will end sooner rather than later. Or you can break free so as not to be dumped before Christmas 🎁 time….
Make sense ⁉️

[Asker]

I appreciate you responding to my question. Just feels a bit mean. I don’t think he cares that I was in his phone. He wasn’t angry. Just simply said he wouldn’t discuss her because I shouldn’t have seen it. But honestly. She usually messages first. He doesn’t flirt with her. Just replies nicely and he won’t even meet her for coffee! Said he wasn’t comfortable with them being together in person right now. If he wanted her he would see her?

[Guy13]

Okay. Didn’t mean to be mean. Sorry for that. At least you are prepared for worse case…. It can only be better then what’s here. Don’t get me wrong…. I hope this works out the way you wish it too….

[Asker]

Thanks for your honesty. I actually think you’re correct. I just thought maybe he’s only texting back because he felt bad for her but maybe I’m being naive?

[Avicenna]

Sounds like he's keeping his options open. That's not unheard of, unfortunately

[Asker]

Yea. So why do you think he’d keep talking to her if he told her he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with her? What’s the point of communicating but not meeting “at the moment”? In the guys mind

[In_Trance]

Wants to smash

[Asker]

If he wanted to “smash” he’d agree to see her. He specifically told her he wouldn’t see her at the moment because he’s seeing someone.

[In_Trance]

Make no mistake about, it he's keeping his options open