Friends with benefits and fighting?

[Anonymous]

My fwbs former date told him that if he doesn't reply to her she won't talk to him anymore.

He replied by saying how he's sorry he didn't see her message and he apologises for not reaching back to her and how he was happy to talk on Monday. They agreed and today she asked to meet him. He told her to common to the common room where he would be having lunch.

However when she went there, he was already having lunch with 4 other friends and when she came to us, and tapped him, he acted like he was shocked to see her. All of us looked at her and it was such an embarrassing situation. The girl was visibly agitated and said he asked her to come and he was like ok. They went to sit next to us but she was obviously annoyed because how he reacted. He took her outside our common room where she basically told him she liked him and cared for him but if he doesn't feel the same way, she would leave from his life.

He started saying how he only saw her as a friend, acquaintance but the girl cut him down saying he doesn't treat his friends or acquaintances like that as he talks totally normal with them and with her, he's weird and not friendly at all.

He even lied to her saying how he can he like her romantically as he was seeing someone but later on added saying how he had shit weekend and how his "relationship" is dead.

He kept insisting that he doesn't like her romantically, he even denied staring at her, but she told him off that he has never treated her like a friend or acquaintance and after how he treated her, she will not come to speak with him.

She asked him if he wants her to leave forever, she will leave from his life. He kept saying ok ok to her but refused to cut her out from his life saying he will continue to talk to her when he feels like and won't when he doesn't feel like.

He was getting very stressed but he didn't delete her number nor was he telling her to exit his life.

Now you can say he doesn't like her?

[FilmGuy93]

I'm having some trouble following the story, but it sounds like you're concerned that you're being used to trigger jealousy in another woman. Am I understanding the situation correctly?

[Asker]

No i mean this full argument between them

[Asker]

So it means he doesn't like her?

[FilmGuy93]

I'm not sure, based on what you've included. I can definitely say that he is upset with her and wants to hurt and control her.

[Asker]

Upset with her for what? He started rejecting her saying he doesn't have romantic feelings and then even said he was seeing someone and then how his relationship ended/is dead etc. But refused to say he doesn't want her to talk to him

[FilmGuy93]

How on Earth would I know that? lmao Emotionally healthy people don't find themselves in situations like that. People who are in touch with their emotions don't generally feel the need to lash out at others. They certainly don't feel the need to make people jealous, and often times, they don't even feel the need to pursue friends with benefits arrangements at all.

Here's a great piece of life advice I found in college, and I think it's probably quite true for well over 95% of people, so I'll pass it along to you: anyone who thinks they can separate sex from emotion probably doesn't have a good enough grasp of their emotions to know if that's true.

[Asker]

But you can. guess?

[FilmGuy93]

I can guess, yes, but my guess won’t be any more useful than your guess.

[Asker]

Ok but at least guess and tell me what is actually going on? Your guess will still matter

[FilmGuy93]

Based on the situation, as you’ve presented it; it SEEMS like the problem might be that the other girl is either an ex or the girl he would prefer dating. So he wants to punish her for not dating him/doing something he wanted in the relationship.

[Asker]

Punish her by friendzoning her? He literally said he doesn't want her to come and talk to him much and how he's seeing someone but his relationship is dead etc

[FilmGuy93]

There's a reason I said "you are not dealing with an emotionally healthy person"

[Asker]

But he can't salvage this? When he's saying he doesn't want her how on earth can he come back from this?

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah... it certainly begs the question, doesn't it? But this kind of thing is super common with people who get involved in friends with benefits arrangements, and it's exactly why I advise people like you to stay away from those people.

A healthy friends with benefits arrangement just happens, it's never something you set out for.

[Asker]

But she's not his friends with benefits. They never had sex

[FilmGuy93]

I wasn't talking about her; I was talking about you. YOU should avoid interacting with (and especially having sex with) people like him, because he's actively demonstrating to you that he is a profoundly emotionally unhealthy person who wants to use the fact he's sleeping with you as a way to hurt the woman he actually wants to date.

[Asker]

Wait how can u say he wants to date her? He literally told her he has no romantic feelings for her, insulted her by acting all shocked when she came to see him and then was pissed at her when she was countering all his arguments. He even told her he was in a relationship which is dead.
How can u say he wants to date her?

[FilmGuy93]

What part of "you are dealing with a profoundly emotionally unhealthy person" are you not understanding?

[Asker]

Emotionally unhealthy or not, if he's telling her these things, of course she will back away. Then how can he date her? He even denied staring at her when 3 days ago he was looking at her from across the room. Now what can u say?

[FilmGuy93]

You're asking me these questions like we're talking about a rational person; stop it, we aren't talking about someone who processes his feelings in a health fashion. He isn't a rational person. That's why he does counter productive shit; because he's not a healthy person. Don't expect his behavior to make sense; he wouldn't know how to treat someone he loves because the way he processes love isn't the way a healthy person processes love.

[Asker]

What do u think he will do next? he's still saved her on whatsapp and she told him she won't be approaching him again

[FilmGuy93]

Well, he an insane person, so probably more contradictory and irrational shit. Why are you still talking with this person? Get away from him.

[Asker]

I left him today too. She said she will not apprpach him snd told him if he doesn't want her to talk to him, she will leave from his life. But like i said he denied saying he will talk when he feels like it so he won't close the door with her despite all this.

Do u think he will try to lure her back considering she told him she liked snd cared for him?

[FilmGuy93]

I don't understand what you want from me right now... I feel like I've made myself as clear as I possibly can

[Asker]

I mean do you think he can try to get her back or just leave her?

[FilmGuy93]

As I said before; I'm not sure how I could possibly be any more clear than I've already been.

[Summeroflove]

You’re probably that HAHA bitch. Don’t say I didn’t warn you

[Asker]

Pls answer this question

[Summeroflove]

You’re using each other for sex

[Summeroflove]

Haha. You said that there isn’t ever drama with friends with benefits

[Summeroflove]

You’re all acting childish. Silent treatment and won’t talk to people. My gosh

[DailyAsk]

He just want sex, Plain&Simple

[spartan55]

No, but we can say the girl is super crazy.

[Asker]

What no