Is he still interested in going out?

[Anonymous]

I asked a guy out for drinks, and he said yes. We started planning it out, but then I upset him. I let some anxieties get in the way, and I told him he didn't have to go if he didn't want. I also over messaged and overwhelmed him. We've since talked about it and agreed it's cleared up. When things were heated he told me I confuse him and he needed space. In our current convo I asked him how I confuse him, and he said he wasn't going into that convo with me. What does that mean? I asked if we could just go back to joking around and fun like before, and he said "I don't see why not." My sister, and his brother, don't approve of us even hanging out, which causes me a lot of anxiety. When we started planning drinks I felt super guilty, which added to my anxiety. I still want to go out for a drink sometime with him, but I'm not sure what to make of all this. Or if he'd want to. Part of me wonders why he ever agreed in the first place. What does any of this mean?

[boggboss]

That u keep sabotaging things when they are going good if u want to go for drinks ask him and stop overthinking

[Asker]

I did ask him, and he agreed. We talked the rest of that night and he was really excited. We started planning a bit and texted until he went to bed. He said we'd talk later. We then texted a little the next day but he was busy. He told me he had to get some work done on his house before we could go out. I then panicked that it wasn't going to happen after all. That, coupled with guilt about how mad our siblings were gonna be, caused me to panic. He said my over messaging caused the whole thing. He also said everything is fine now. He wouldn't tell me what confuses him. Now I'm the confused one.

[boggboss]

OK so what again things where going good and u messed it up by iverthinking if things are fine now ask him in a week or so to go out

[Asker]

I'm not sure he wants that. I'm genuinely sorry for my actions. I don't understand how I can be less confusing if I don't know what confuses him in the first place? Also, I'm confused if he thought it was just platonic? This all happened a little over a month ago.

[boggboss]

Not sure what u can tell u or why u are still going iver it if it happened a month ago ask him lol this behaviour that your doing now probobly plays into why your confusing its been a month and your obsessing iver this

[Asker]

We didn't talk for that month. We ended on a negative note where we both had high emotions and said a lot of things. He was still pretty distant in this conversation, but it got better. I'm just not sure where to go from here. I don't even know if he has interest. What does "I'm not having this conversation with you" even mean? I asked what confuses him and said I'd answer anything.

[boggboss]

He can't be botherd to have that conversation because he thinks it will cause a argument

[Asker]

Oh, I thought it was probably because he didn't want to hear how I really feel about him.

[boggboss]

No I dint think it's that

[Asker]

So what do I do from here? We talked yesterday a little bit, and agreed that the fight is done. I then told a terrible/dirty joke that I knew would make him smile. He said it was a good joke and had a funny/slightly dirty comeback. I'm not sure where go from here. I'd rather just know if he thought drinks was just a friend thing and I'm like a kid sister to him. I literally don't know how he views me.

[boggboss]

So ask him we have spoken before I know the situation your siblings are together

[Asker]

Yes, same situation. I took your advice and asked him, and this is where we're at. I'm just curious if this is guy speak for not interested? Or was he playing me? I also told him in the heat of the moment that asking him for drinks was a mistake. I felt played, and I spoke out of emotion instead of thinking.

[boggboss]

Again u got yourself in this situation because u self sabotaged now u will have to get out if u want to see how he feels by asking

[Asker]

I understand that. If he's done, or only wants platonic I don't want to push it. It just threw me off that he was initially that excited sounding.

[boggboss]

So he was excited so u ruined it?

[Asker]

No. He wanted to go out and seemed excited, and I over thought it. I already get yelled at if I talk to him. I started panicking that I would cause more harm than good with the rest of family by asking him out. I didn't want to cause family drama. Then I inadvertently sabotaged the whole thing out of fear.

[boggboss]

U will need to decide as the same thing can happen again do u want to date him or not

[Asker]

I do, but I also wonder if it was platonic for him all along. I also got really scared he'd ghost. It all mixed together and I acted stupid. Why did he say in the heat of the moment "We were gonna get drinks sometime. It's not a big deal!" ?

[boggboss]

Again ask him lol I don't know u honestly seem like u enjoy the confusion

[Asker]

I get where it could seem like that, but I don't. I was actually super excited that we were gonna go out. I like the guy and I want to go on a date to see if we like it or we'd rather just be friends. I don't 100% know how I feel. I know I'm at least physically attracted to him. I've never been able to figure it out myself because family gets involved.

[Asker]

So what do I do? Take it as a no and learn?

[boggboss]

Stop overthinking and take things how they come until u work out what he wants

[Asker]

I decided to get honest and I told him that the reason for my behavior was because I had mixed feelings and they weren't 100% platonic. I told him I knew it wasn't mutual and I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to create awkwardness. I also told him I cut ties because I think it's best. He actually replied right away and said "I understand and it's all good, no worries." So I guess I was just being played. I'm at peace knowing I was as honest as I could be and that I gave myself closure to walk away. I told you he didn't like me. I don't know why anyone thought he did.

[peacesncream]

Nope he clearly said he think u both need some space

[peacesncream]

Well that tell u he probably want time to think if he wasn't conversation much

[Asker]

We've talked since then, and even joked a little. He said it's cleared up and everything is fine.

[peacesncream]

That's good

[Asker]

He won't tell me what confuses him, and doesn't want to talk about any of what happened. He said it was because I over messaged, and that we cleared it up.

[peacesncream]

Oh that's why u overwhelmed him with the messages

[peacesncream]

You probably confused him when your anxiety got in the way did u tell him u have anxiety tell him u really wanted to know maybe u could of work on it and u don't won't him sad

[Asker]

? I'm not understanding.

[peacesncream]

Iam saying when u guys was planning everything and you two was going out when u said he doesn't have to go if he don't that probably confused him

[peacesncream]

Plus with over message him

[Asker]

He knows I have anxiety, and he's been really patient about it in the past. I feel really bad, because I've really worked on it and kept it under control for years. I recently lost a best friend to cancer and I've just been struggling a bit.

[peacesncream]

Oh iam sorry to hear that I've also lost my great auntie from cancer

[peacesncream]

That's sweet he been patient with u and it will get better

[Asker]

I'm sorry about your great aunt. I can see where that statement confused him. So, what do I do now?

[peacesncream]

Try to ask him could y'all talk about it tell him it's been bugging u and u need to get it off your chest

[peacesncream]

Tell him you sorry to worried him say something sweet so maybe he will text back

[Asker]

We talked a little over the weekend, and I even told him a terrible joke that I knew would make him laugh. I'm just not sure where we go from here.

[peacesncream]

U should ask him where u two stand

[Asker]

I'm scared I already wrecked it. I genuinely want to go out with this guy and just have a good time and see where it goes from there. My last relationship was abusive, and sometimes I still get tripped up by triggers. This was on me, and I feel awful. I also get really scared he doesn't like me that way.

[peacesncream]

Oh I understand why u can't ask him n yeah all men not abusive that's good you got away from that if he doesn't like u that way then at least u would of have told him

[User3191989]

we send mixed signals, when you do

[Asker]

So how do we move forward? Or did I just wreck it? I shouldn't have panicked, and I shouldn't have said asking him to go was a mistake. I really do want to go out with sometime. I just want to try it and see how it goes, no expectations.

[Anonymous]

No he’s not

[Asker]

So why did he initially agree and seem really excited? Like texting until he went to bed, more emojis, wishing me good luck on things, etc? That's what confuses me.

[Opinion Owner]

He probably was to begin with

[Asker]

Is there any chance he'd still be, or did I actually wreck it this time?

[Opinion Owner]

Give him space and he’ll probably go back to being interested. They always do

[Asker]

This is the first we've talked in a month. In a heated moment/panic, I told him that asking him for drinks was a mistake. It wasn't, but being insecure sure was. 😞

[Asker]

I want to tell him the truth, that I want to go out sometime. I'm scared it's a no now. What can I do?

[Opinion Owner]

No harm in trying. But don’t get yourself down if it is a no…atleast you can say you tried.