Is he genuinely my friend who cares about me, or is he trying to rope me into a bad situation?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone

the situation at hand is with a guy who I’ve considered one of my best friends for the last four years. When we first met, I did not know he had a girlfriend and he would always flirt with me and be really nice to me. I found out from someone else a few months in that he has a girlfriend. I had backed off. Months later, that failed. Try not to judge me but I get it if you do- we basically had a secret affair for three years off and on. During this time I struggled with myself after a traumatic event and that doesn’t excuse my behavior but I think it played a huge part as I had never been involved in something like this until then. Fast forward to the last six months, I found God and have been living a better life. All the while, this guy stil being in my life and still having a girlfriend. We haven’t done anything for almost a year but he still goes out of his way to hang out with me and be nice to me. All of this would be just fine, but sometimes my intuition feels like he’s trying for more and I want to know if he is using our friendship as a way to reel me back in somehow. I say this bc he will still talk about my body in a flirty way, or say I’m the total package, or say he would rather hang out with me than his girlfriend etc. he also tries to put us in situations where I previously would give into sex with him. But when I kindly confront him about this, he claims we’re just best friends and he didn’t mean it like that and that he cares about my mental well being and wouldn’t do anything to hurt it but I don't know. I feel like im being gaslit in that sense. what is your take? Sorry this is so long.

Updates

1 y

Also- if I were to want to do anything sexual again, he would totally be down for it. The only reason we haven’t is bc I’ve been against it for the last year and haven’t fell back into it. He is a kind person to me, but I’m struggling to realize what his true motives are. Soemtimes it feels genuine and sometimes it all feels like he’s just trying to get back to us hooking up again

[HelpingMcHelpington]

Cut him out of your life. If he actually saw you as the whole package and preferred being with you than his girlfriend, he would have left her to be with you a long time ago. Word of advice, players use words to sweet talk women and they all use the exact same lines. The ones you just wrote about. He's just looking for sex and nothing else. Don't fall for it again. Cut him out cold turkey and tell him in a very direct and firm way. "Leave me the fuck alone."

[coachTanthony]

You seem like a smart girl who has a lot of self awareness. I am not going to judge you but come on you know what you need to do if you want to live up to these changes you have made for yourself.

[Asker]

I appreciate that. You’re definitely right.

[rienna888]

Why are you doing this? He has a girlfriend, put yourself in her shoes. I know you’re probably in love, but this man is scum and you deserve a lot better. Tell him to back off because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. You don’t deserve to be used and he’s not your friend.

[ElizaPam]

Guys are never just our friends. Ever. He'll never see you as a buddy like one of the guys

[AmeerX]

That's not true

[tenor55]

“Guys are never just our friends” may be your expert, but that is not always be true. One of my best friends in high school was a girl. We weee never romantically involved. She was the first person I told that my girlfriend (now wife) was pregnant.

[AmeerX]

@tenor55 that's so beautiful

[tenor55]

To me, this almost sounds like a married man who says he wants you but refuses to leave his wife. If he really wanted you, he would break the other relationship off.


This must be very difficult for you! It would be cutting a friend out of your life.

[SteveSmith1985]

This one is easy to answer to be honest. Trust your instincts. They are telling you something. They are very rarely wrong.

Don't question your own judgement on these sorts of things. Listen to the warning signs your body and your intuition are bringing to your attention.

This friendship sounds like it needs to come to an end.

But ALWAYS listen to your gut. ALWAYS. 🙂

[AmeerX]

He loves both you and his girlfriend. You want to be with him or not? Make up your mind about it. He will keep you too but he will have someone else at the same time.

[Guy13]

If you are In Christ Jesus ("found God") then that intuition is Walking in the Holy Spirit. You probably should convene with, pray, or meditate with God on this subject.

[Asker]

Thanks for saying that, I think you’re also correct. I’ve prayed a lot about this topic and I feel like it’s allowed me this heightened sense that something is strange in his motives

[Avicenna]

Yeah, he’s just hanging around waiting for an opportunity

[Katyalov]

I don't know. Follow your gut, it's like always right..

[Teriyaki70]

I'd rat his ass out then don't ever talk to him again

[Jack0ff779]

He's stringing you along breadcrumbing you get rid of him

[spartan55]

Yeah he cares about getting those panties off.

[Jamie05rhs]

That dude is bad news. You need to cut him off.

[Tracker1958]

Can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

[Anonymous]

I don't know.