Why does my guy friend only call when his girlfriend isn't around?

[7barbieringz]

We don't text much but he does call me a few times a week, just to talk about life stuff. But I noticed like, if his girlfriend is at his place he will only call if he left to run errands or something, and when he gets back he hangs up. We have hung out alone and nothing happened and we planned to hangout again after the holidays. His girlfriend has never been there when we do hangout, even in groups. Multiple times they planned to come as a couple but suddenly bailed last minute and he came alone. I also never met his girlfriend and they've been dating almost a year.

Updates

+1 y

Update copied from comments:I also forgot to say the other day he flaked on me coming over because apparently his girlfriend randomly showed up and he wasn't expecting her. He apologized for standing me up but this is what he said, "sorry about the other day my girlfriend showed up and we were kinda arguing, and I didn't want her to walk in and see u and think I was trying to blow your back out (he laughs). I'm not tho lol!"

[quaranta]

Assuming the girlfriend exists, his behaviour is strange. I have only male friends and the ones who got a girlfriend just meet me together with the girlfriend, or without, but the girlfriends know the guy is here and why, or that he had a call with me etc. I would stay away from a situation that is kept secret from their partner, I wouldn't want to contribute in such stuff.
The problem here is that he is doing something he knows the girlfriend doesn't approve, that's not exactly cheating but almost, because anyway the trust is broken (why else needing to hide it?).

Maybe she is exaggerately jealous already without any input and accuses him of things that didn't even happen because she is paranoid regardless, maybe she is specifically jealous of you because others hinted that he likes you.
But even so, he should respect the agreements with his girlfriend. If he, for example, told her he is not going to meet any girl, or if he knows she is going to be mad, then he shouldn't do that secretly either. Rather, if he really wants, he should work it out with his girlfriend until she feels okay with that and lowers her worries, because that's also the healthy path to take instead of getting along with the restrictive demands of her problems.

If none of these are the cases, maybe he is actually into you and in his mind he means you as a potential partner, so he treats you like a secret lover automatically because in his mind you are not just a friend, so he "feels" like it's wrong. And again, even so, he shouldn't do anything "secret".

I would honestly tell him that this secret thing you have is shady and weird and that before meeting and calling again you want to make sure his girlfriend meets you and is aware of what he does, who is talking with etc, as you don't want to contribute (consciously) in something that breaks their trust (I wouldn't and I'd advise against that even for yourself, it's easy to get included into some argument in that position, if she discovers all this).

[7barbieringz]

Lol y'all thinking she doesn't exist is cracking me up, I assure you she's very real.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not even sure she knows I exist though. I think she does? I have no idea what he tells her about hanging out with other girls, I don't know if she knows about it or not tbh.

As for the potential partner thing, I will say people have hinted at him liking me but he's never confirmed that himself. And he's never really done anything too crazy. He did get me a necklace from a popular anime I like for my bday a few months back (had a girlfriend then), and last year he took me out to drinks for my bday (no girlfriend then). I feel like I shouldn't add this apart but i will anyway, he texted me porn once because I mentioned I wanted to try something and he had a video of it so he sent it to me.

I also said in another comment I mentioned that I met him through my ex boyfriend, who's his best friend. But I will say when we hangout he's never tried anything.

As far as meeting her, like I said I don't know if she has any issue with me but I'm not opposed to it.

[quaranta]

Well, all this doesn't cancel the main point that is he has a reason to keep it secret... And that is not okay.

[7barbieringz]

I get that it's not ok, I just wonder why he's even going down his route. It's not my job to read his mind, I just thought he was more trustworthy I guess

[BarryLiverstone]

Are you sure he’s got a girlfriend? Do him and his girlfriend hang out with his other friends?

[7barbieringz]

Yea the do, I'm 100% sure he was one he showed me pics of her.

I also forgot to say the other day he flaked on me coming over because apparently his girlfriend randomly showed up and he wasn't expecting her. He apologized for standing me up but this is what he said,

"sorry about the other day my girlfriend showed up and we were kinda arguing, and I didn't want her to walk in and see u and think I was trying to blow your back out (he laughs). I'm not tho lol!"

[spartan55]

Well if he showed you pictures then she must be real... 😂 😂 😂 I

[7barbieringz]

She is, other friends have met her. It's just me that hasn't

[spartan55]

He sounds like a snake.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

He figures when his girlfriend isn't around, he will use you as a back-up.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks for MHO :p :P

[Brando10222]

I wouldn't trust him. Stay away from him as much as possible

[7barbieringz]

He's my friend though

[Brando10222]

So? He's sketchy

[7barbieringz]

We've never done anything sexual or romantic

[7barbieringz]

Damn u replied fast lol

[Brando10222]

Haha

[Brando10222]

If he wasn't into you he would have told his girlfriend in advance that you will becoming at his place. And those words does say that's he's thought about you and him in doggy style.

[Brando10222]

That*

[7barbieringz]

Hm, maybe you're right. Tbh people have hinted at him liking me in the past, but he never did anything so I assumed he didn't. He's also best friends with my ex boyfriend, that's how we met

[Brando10222]

You should always avoid a person when more than 1 person has told you about his intentions

[7barbieringz]

I want to believe he's just being nice, but people say otherwise

[Brando10222]

Well if you are gonna trust him no matter what other people say then even make this post and waste people's time for no reason?

[Brando10222]

You already know you gonna trust no matter what people will say then why post this shit?

[7barbieringz]

I said I want* to doesn't mean I will