I can’t get over the fact my boyfriend follows girls who are white and blonde. We keep fighting over it?

Question

Been together 3 months, met each others family, see eachother every weekend as we live an hour away. It was going good

but I went on his insta and noticed he follows insta models who are white, tanned and thiccc.. something I’m not

I confronted him about it and he said “I followed these type of girls ages ago. I’m more open now”

but I feel like he’s not into black girls cause I didn’t see one black girl on his Instagram list

he said “yeah them girls look nice and have nice bodies but they’ve normally got dry personalities and fake”

So is he only with me for my personality and deep down thinks I’m unattractive

he said I need to love myself more and stop bringing up girls on Instagram/celebs but I literally look nothing like them

some of the girls he follows (she’s a celeb)

if these are the type of girls he follows why the hell is he with me?
I wouldn’t date someone who I didn’t fancy the pants off

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I think that you should focus on the fact that he is attracted to YOU. Not what types of girls he seems attracted to; and how well you seem to fit into that type.

**You are DECIDING what your boyfriend thinks/feels... rather than listening to what he is TELLING you.**

That is the main problem here.

You are assuming that: Since you evidently aren't the 'type' he tends to be attracted to; you have concluded that he must not be attracted to you. This is incorrect.

First, he WOULDN'T be dating you if he weren't attracted to you. That's going to be just as true for him, as it's true for you.

So this guy has chosen YOU over everybody else. To him, you are more desireable than all the blond women in the world. Otherwise... he wouldn't be dating you. So it makes zero sense to worry that you're not his 'type.' You are more than just a 'type.' You are an actual, individual example of THE CLOSEST THING TO HIS (hopeful) IDEAL.

Do you see what I'm saying? He picked YOU (specifically, and in particular) over everybody else. YOU are his type.

Trying to insist that there is some problem with the discrepancy between the type of girls he's following on instigram, somehow reflects negatively on how he feels about you... is wrong and unfair.

These are all your own insecurities. That is what's at the root of how you're misreading this situation.

Let me give you an analogy:

There was a woman on here the a couple weeks ago. She was a tall girl. She was talking to some guy she met online. Things seemed to be going well... except: She thought it was really weird that most of his ex's were short girls. She talked about it being statistically unlikely that he would randomly have ended up dating girls who happened to be short.

She was worried that this guy might only be talking to her... because he "wanted to try a tall girl."

She was making the exact same argument that you're making.

She was saying: "I don't believe his attraction/affection is genuine, because I don't seem to fit the historical pattern of the 'type' this man seems to find attractive."

So, this girl is clearly sensative about being tall. It's an insecurity of hers. I think you and I can agree, that her argument (about him only "wanting to try a tall girl") is... crazy.

It makes no sense. It's not a reflection of reality.
This guy probably does not give even a tiny-bit-of-a-fuck whether this girl is tall. That's got nothing really do do with what he finds attractive about her.

Maybe he tends to like short girls. But... if he likes THIS girl... and she happens to be tall... then so what? Does that mean that he can't find her attractive because he usually tends to be attracted to shorter girls? Of course not!

So this tall girl, is unfairly projecting HER OWN insecurities on the situation. It's causing her to 'miss the point' (which is that the guy is attracted to HER specifically). It's also causing her to completely and unfairly misjudge the guy's actual thoughts and feelings.

I hope you can see very clearly how misguided and wrong this 'tall girl' was.

You are doing the exact same thing.

You are in the wrong here. You need to stop deciding what your boyfriend thinks... and listen to what he's TELLING you he thinks (and showing you... by wanting to continue to be with you).

Otherwise you're just as wrong as the tall girl.

I'm sure you can also appreciate how mistaken-thinking like this... is going to make life needlessly complicated. It can ruin something that has potential. For no good reason. 🙂

Datboi65 · Accepted Answer

For the same reason guys follow girls who have fake implants and BBLs. It's a FANTASY that's FAKE.

You have to understand that Instagram isn't real. If you base your value from Instagram, your self-esteem will vanish. He's with YOU for a reason. STOP focusing on who he follows, and appreciate the fact that he's with you.

epicgamer69 · Answer

i feel like i definitely relate to this to an extent. it seems that all the guys I've liked/dated have primarily been into skinny white/Asian girls. as a curvy black girl, that doesn't make me feel very good lol. i honestly don't know how I keep falling into this same pattern with all the guys I date. i find myself feeling bad about this even with my current boyfriend. he does seem to be into thiccer girls which is nice, but I know a black girl wouldn't have been his first choice based on the girls he liked before. i think it's especially hard for black girls, never really being the beauty standard and constantly being stereotyped. at least that's how it's been for me, living in a predominantly white/Asian community. sorry if I'm reading too much into ur post lol this topic just really struck a chord with me.

i think ur completely valid for bringing it up with your boyfriend and it's kinda toxic how he brushed it off. if he really wants to show how much he cares about u he should acknowledge ur worries instead of gaslighting u into thinking it's ur fault for being "insecure." sure, insecurity could be playing a role, but the girls he's following sure aren't helping either. i also agree that his comment about personality wasn't the best either... if someone were dating me just for my personality i'd have to leave. i doubt that's the case here though, because you are really pretty! it sounds like ur boyfriend just didn't react in the best way, but that doesn't mean he doesn't find u beautiful. guys r not always the best w words lol. anyways, I just wanted u to know that ur worries are very valid and I'm sure other guys/girls can relate to situations like this.

if he doesn't acknowledge ur thoughts, hey, maybe u should start following whoever u want too.

Anonymous · Answer

Because many black women have developed a more accomodating personality over the years, black women used to have the reputation of being angry and throwing their shows at their men on Jerry springer.

Fewer guys wanted to date them, but in recent times black women such as yourself developed more accommodating personalities.

White women act like a princess; you always have to say something nice about them, or they flip out on you.

So the black woman has risen higher in terms of desirable women. The white blonde is still on top, but that's only due to looks. A lot of white women's personalities are shitty.

Blue and green eyes and blonde hair are rare in women. But that's the only reason why they are more desired in the west.

SphynxUK · Answer

Is he dating them or you? 🤔
Secondly, would you prefer that they all looked like carbon copies of you instead?
Be careful he doesn’t start having regrets about you, now that your displaying this low self esteem/jealousy behaviour. Just enjoy your relationship. You’re young.

Carolus · Answer

There’s non you can do bout that, the heart wants what it wants, he prefers blondes, though it’s circumstantial that he has settled for an alternative, everybody got fantasies and it’s up to you to decide whether to settle for what he can offer or break up for more.

Guy13 · Answer

Yikes. This is not a good sign and it clearly demonstrates that you are dating an immature guy. It would make me very unsettled if my girlfriend was tracking other guys online. Especially, if the other guys did not have my features. He seems to be deep into the Fantasy of either you or the other pictured girl. Are you sure he's the right one for you?

Anemone978 · Answer

Honestly, don't worry about his type. The guy I really liked fucked all kinds of girls. He liked fat girls, skinny girls, Latinas, black, white, basically he would fuck anyone. But the girls he was following on his instagram where tan big butt big boobed skinny white girls. And looked nothing like me. So don't take it so personally. You are really pretty and have a nice body don't worry about stupid things. He likes you. But if you asked him to stop following these girls would he?

MrCommodore · Answer

You're probably overthinking this a little, he obviously does fancy you as he is in a relationship with you. I can understand your concerns, but you should also understand that you are satisfying his needs and he seems happy, so maybe he didn't know what he liked until he met you.

katiesmuff · Answer

He is with you because he knows that he actually has no chance in hell of getting into the pants of one of those chicks. Problem is he likely will never get over this nonsense and make life miserable for you. You might give some serious thought about moving on.

just_a_potato · Answer

He definitely has a type if that's all he follows, if he's with you though, that means he likes YOU, not those insta celebs. One thing from one black woman to another though, a man who says things like,  “yeah them girls look nice and have nice bodies but they’ve normally got dry personalities and fake”  is usually a red flag, especially if that's how he responds to you feeling insecure about his intentions. Good luck ❤️

Faith18letsgo · Answer

I’m a gay black girl. Personally, dunno what his race is but I think the people were ascetically attracted to aren’t the same ones were physically and sexually attracted to. I think he’s telling the truth. Also your totally hot and if you end up not working out you’ll have a million other great options.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

That makes sense to me. Clearly he has a type he's most attracted to, and it doesn't align with what you look like. For example, if I started seeing a girl who only followed guys who looked like NBA players (tall and black) I wouldn't be comfortable with this. Even girls who tell me they "don't have a type" (meaning they dated all types/ ethnicities of guys, or do have a type but don't want to admit to it) are a major turnoff.

SnowedIn · Answer

Hasn't he chosen you? Like, I get it, it bothers you. That's legit. But they are follows on social media and you are flesh and blood (and very beautiful). He's choosing to be with you. Possible this is not the hill you want to die on? And there's not even a battle for the hill?

lalaloveee · Answer

I think women worry unnecessarily about their boyfriends. If you enjoy having sex with him, why does it matter who he follow on Instagram? Every relationship ends one day anyway, spend this short time having good sex instead of thinking about things that will upset you.

rienna888 · Answer

Umm yeah don’t worry girl it’s just a follow. I don’t like blonde hair blue eyes guys either I find them boring. I like men that have dark hair, tanned, seductive. He probably finds them boring. But I can understand why it makes you feel insecure. You are beautiful and you have way more personality. Yo this man loves you, do not let your insecurities get the best of you.

Neilbud · Answer

I have a different spin on this. I don't take social media seriously. So at one time, if a girl asked for a follow I was like sure, why not. Than the only fans dms came in full force and I had to do some weeding out.

You know your guy better than us. Is he on social media to hook up or just because?

Adaeva · Answer

If it bothers you that much, find a different boyfriend. That will be easy for you unless you have unrealistic standards.

DizzyDesii · Answer

THis why i can't date a man with social media. Matter of fact, his eyes bother me. Ima need a dude with no eyes

Anonymous · Answer

I mean at least he’s horny…… Your not not gonna get some….

But ya he should probably ditch the fake insta girls and tell his girlfriend to make him a DIY calendar to throw on his bedroom wall instead…

I know if I was single and not gonna go through 15 years of heart break that’s what I would be doing your gorgeous…

Fuxk I’d go to school and get a degree and be a little nerd whatever it takes Damn…. But the cat typed this not me.

TallAnon · Answer

Can we not like both vanilla and chocolate? Vanilla just happened to be common in his area, so it took him a while to realize chocolate is just as great. He had a taste and now he's hooked.

jshm2 · Answer

WTF is with your control issues? He's only your fucking boyfriend, not your husband.  Also, if he's been following them for a while before you, then he's clearly into you, and not them.

I can’t get over the fact my boyfriend follows girls who are white and blonde. We keep fighting over it?

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