Why isn't he dm’ing me? Am I overthinking it?

[Anonymous]

He hearts my private stories on insta of me taking hot pics at the gym a lot. We have lots of mutuals, lives 2 hours from me. He likes me right? Why hasn't he messaged me? I hearted his private story too.
:( i dm’d him awhile back congratulating him on something and he messaged back with thanks and a nice message. I didn't know what to say so just hearted. I dint want to make the first move already did with congrats months ago.

[MarkHrdman]

you're not over thinking it. If anything you're underthinking it.

Your problem is that its a surprise he hasn't rang your doorbell to fuck you already but obviously you haven't given him your address or a reason for him to connect with you on a psychological level and 2 hours is a long way.

In fact 30mins is known to be to long for someone.

The problem is that you're unavailable even if you gave the location of where you're at anyone time & judging by what youve said, have taken no time to consider his cercumstances.

Fact of the matter is that you want him to connect with you and you dont want to connect with him to show him you're interested for him to pursue you.

here's an idea, find out about his interests and start a dialog of questions in your instagram pics to see if he connects with it and then your problem is still going to be if he even will, which makes it an even bigger problem for even if you're his type but still its not impossible because you could mention you're visiting his town for an event to see who wants to join you in your instagram pics, since obviously you know that his watching you and how often periodically.

Its a mystery how anyone could follow any individual on instagram apart from his story which I can only assume is on instagram. Which makes it odd for any male to participate on instagram because it seems pointless & I dont understand why woman are so desporate to like a picture of a blur to represent a woman over wanting to show they like me for going onto my instagram, that they dont.

But anyway, all you need is one response from him in a comment about 1 event where he lives for you to bother to show up there and take things from there.

Even if you have to take a picture of yourself somewhere for him to find you.

[Asker]

Thats what i was thinking like maybe im too far for him to take it that he could be with me. Im actually moving to a super small city 1 hour away from him next year. I think it’s fate lol. I wanted to ask him about the city since i’ve never been. I know he’s had to be there at least once since where he does grad school has their interviews there. Dont want to start convo like that how boring lol. Do you think 1 hour would be too far lol? I like the idea of posting something hed have to respond to. Good idea. You’re right i drive 3-4 hours easily but that doesn't look easy to everyone lol

[MarkHrdman]

Well im glade you see my point about distance.
Most dating profile search results are done within a half hour to an hour radius max.
I quickly checked your profile and it says you're in a relationship. Dont you think that if he found your relationship status that this could be a problem?
Driving 3-4hrs easy for prospects says a lot about your situation with where you're situated.
Depending on the person, I would travel the world to meet someone but regardless of how easy it is to say, for such length, a woman would have to fight the hardest challenge to win me over in that prospective to commit to that kind of journey, so propects that are only casual if that but given that 2hrs drive is half of your easy distance for prospects, id say go get your man to take on the adventure.
It could turn out that use are both looking for a new home but at this stage, you dont even have a hello, let alone the constant sexual appeal affirmations which im sure you have plenty of from your gym fit pics or hot pics as you put them which is really doing me an industic here without seeing 😅😉😊😇😈
But anyway getting back to my point is that for you to be open to relocation and the prospects of interacting with this guy about a location already its more then likely that you could suggest the topic of where too next but I think this is premature as you simple want to develop some interaction with this guy at a place where he knows that you're available for him to meet.

[MarkHrdman]

Personally though I think you should leave those life factors of relocation until you're able to access where you think things are going with this guy that you're certain about pursing because employment is important for the factor of finance with securing a living situation. Rather then just thinking about pulling up stumps and relocating because of paying rent where you're and that its only going to be easier for you on a financial support payment if you're moving to a smaller place where rent is cheaper...
But becuase you're paying for the gym and a long journey road trip isn't important to you, then obviously your employed and work wise its not that much of an issue to start work in another place with no consideration for his circumstances.
As you dont know him.
So even before you get to that, you have to be able to create an environment where you can meet to interact with him & even then you have no certain terms for even if he is going to interact with any of these events to be involved in these situations out of the many situations you're going to have to put yourself into, just for him to stumble across you in maybe the next 2 months & statistically less likely depending on how frequent events are and of course how financially obligated these events are, compared to a free local event where anyone could be.
So I suggest that you take small steps before you shatter your dream by wanting to take leaps and bounds to break anything before it even had a chance to start.

[Asker]

lol I am in graduate school and we are doing rotations and just ended up being 1 hour away from him. I didn't choose the location. I'm not relocating for him. I wanted the ones further from him honestly better locations bigger cities. But was a complete lottery system and got the location close to him. Maybe it was meant to be. If not, I'll just be lonely one hour away from the man of my dreams in the middle of absolute nowhere lol.

[MarkHrdman]

Well with 584939 fucks to give for 1 guy & but wanting other guys better for location only, I really feel like I was to modest at saying well you should give 10000 for me 😅
but my point being is that I feel like you haven't been entirely honest here.
Your problem is where you're situated and contimplating relocation means there is a guy who you know of that you can pursue things with to start a serious relationship with & have obviously done more then think about the commitment of having at least a kid with to consider marrying but without taking a course of action this is of course just 1 possible solution, yet I think you're holding off on pursing things with him to be affraid that you'll be dumbed in the middle of no where, instead of the possibility that you could ignore him to see if other people will pursue you in a years time when you get there which they probably will and yet you'll still be lonely because no one will ever be as good as this idea you have built up in your head, which is perfectly fine if you're actively pursing someone which you're not because of partner bonding dynamics...
but yeah I get that its not your intention but the suitability of having some sustainability with studying to pursue education for a career that will bring you closer to the man that you have sexually been obsessing over without knowing of what course of action to take in order to get his attention.
So the difficulty of modesty comes to mind.
I seriously think you should send me your instagram link too by the way..

[MarkHrdman]

But as I was saying you really need to take a course of action to bring the 1 guy youve been dreaming about closer to you, which you obviously can't do without a catalist, ie; you should come to him but obviously you can't just have 2 occupencies to stay somewhere for an indefinite amount of time, hence my suggestion to bait his interests before actually going there to reel him in with a picture of you with the stated location.
This should fix the casualties you're taking like the 600012 now if my calculations are right, lol.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well I'm afraid you don't really get to count the congrats as making the first move. As it clearly didn't end up being a first move. It definitely sounds like he likes you. And you know exactly why he's not sending you a message. It's the same reason you're not sending him a message. a few months ago doesn't mean you're "double texting". If you want to start talking to this guy. Talk to him.

If you don't. Well... you don't have to wonder what he's thinking. It's the same exact thing you're thinking. This is something you can easily do something about should you choose to. You can open up a conversation any time...

[Asker]

You’re right thats the hard truth lol just want him to resp say i want you. We’ve been married and fucked 584939 in my head already. Creepy

[MarkHrdman]

1st of all. It was a move (which is why she said first move). Her attempt failed.
2nd no, it only sounds like he has an interest in her. It doesn't mean that he likes her (like you're implying) but he also doesn't dislike her. So its a start.
3rdly she has no clue, thats why she's here asking males for help.
4thly its not the same reason. she's not sending him messages because of partner bounding rules.
5. I agree with you but she doesn't see it that way, she wants to create an interaction in order for him to actively pursue her. Its what partner bounding is for.
6. Thats bs. Most people dont have a clue what the others thinking unless they get to know them and clearly this is not the case.
7. She wants to avoid making the move to actively pursue him. Not only does it disrupt partner bounding but for him to think his got the upper hand to show neglect means that she loses. Where as generating an interest for him to pursue her is what she is struggling with but I already have her the answer.
I've seen you show up a few time SteveSmith.
Likes like you strick out on this one.

[MarkHrdman]

Well if I said for you to think about fucking me too 584939
then yeah it kinda is.
Just how you got that number a finger comes to mind but your whole hand of digits kind of reduces the number.
Im thinking a wave. Wave hello to yourself for me.
Im sure I could be counted at least 10,000 times by that count

[SteveSmith1985]

@MarkHrdman

Well I think you and I simply see things differently. And that's ok. I do not buy-into whatever partner bonding theory happens to be. I give advice based on how I understand things. And I've got an excellent track record for giving good advice and for being able to read the male side of situations. I really don't care if you disagree with that. You're welcome to.

Your perspective is informed by a particular theory, and you believe you understand this situation based on your own understanding of the world and of people. Fair enough. You're entitled to your perspective. I'm entitled to mine.

So I stand by my original reply entirely.

I don't know what to tell you aside from: clearly we just see this differently. I'm ok with that. You should be too.

[SnowedIn]

If you want him to DM, then you need to message him and begin a conversation. A real conversation that requires him to answer.

Or, better yet, say "let's meet in the middle for food or coffee". If your profile age is correct, you are both way too old for this: this is the same question that the middle and high schoolers on this site are asking.

[Asker]

LOL my dating skills are still middle and high school level. You’re right. I live in the middle of no where lol if he wanted i would drive to him. :(

[SnowedIn]

Tell him that! 🙂 Say that you'd love to have dinner, are you free at X day and Y time.

[Jenom]

Sounds like he didn't interpret the congrats message as a message of interest from you. I think you've got to be more upfront and make it more obvious than just heart reacts. Just straight up ask him if he wants to meet up for a coffee or lunch or something, that way it's a casual setting. See how you guys click once you meet.

[Asker]

Yeah i just reallt hate making the first move. I acfually sent happy birthday to him and he never responded after over a week so i deleted the message lol

[Jamie05rhs]

I think he's starstruck. Because he's very attracted to you. You have to find a way to become more familiar with him, so that he feels more comfortable speaking to you.

You say you have mutual friends. Maybe you can have them set up a group outing?
You two need to experience that in-person connection.

[Asker]

by mutual friends I mean I have met his older sister and am old time used to be besties with his girl cousin when we were young. I am obsessed with his older sisters lol. They are so beautiful and have cutest style. I was just starstruck by them lol. And then he followed me randomly and I was like hey he's cute lol. He liked 3 of my old posts last year in April. Then nothing for awhile till I added him on my private story in the summer. He hearts them. Then he stopped hearting them for couple months lol. Recently hearted again after v day this year. And he posted his own and put me on his private story. I hearted his lol. But he started school in August so maybe could be stress. During that period in April he followed lots of other girls so I am just afraid he's hearting everyone's pictures. So that's why I'm scared to make the move. is he making the move with every girl lol.

[Jamie05rhs]

@kareenakapur Hmm. Well, I think you really need to do some investigating to get further answers here. But I still strongly suggest to try to get one of your mutual contacts to arrange an event where you will be able to spend time with him and speak to him in person.
Is his college very far away?

[Asker]

2 hours but i move 1 hour away from him in 4 months

[Asker]

so not sure if i should wait til then or if one of the other girls in his dm's messages him first and I lose my shot

[Jamie05rhs]

@kareenakapur How does the college schedule work in your country?

[Asker]

what do you mean

[Asker]

im from same country as you lol

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. My bad lol. I didn't know.

[Jamie05rhs]

So when does his spring semester end? April? That's literally next month. I think you could probably set something up for after finals. You should be fine. I don't think any girl is going to steal him in that short time.

[Asker]

yeah but i move we are in medical school I move rotations 1 hour away in July. so I'm like can I wait that long

[Asker]

spring semester ends in may for him he's a year behind me but I got in first year he took a gap

[Jamie05rhs]

@kareenakapur I thought you said you were moving closer to him, though.

[Jamie05rhs]

And is he going to stay at the school, or move back home for the summer? (But either way, you'd still be 1 hour away from him. Since you're in the middle.)

[Asker]

He will stay at the school. He lives at home I think, commutes from home. I will be 1 hour away from him in July. right now I am 2 hours. We go to different schools.

[Jamie05rhs]

@kareenakapur He commutes 2 hours to school every day? 😱😱
That's 4 hours total commuting every day!!

[Asker]

lol sorry. he lives at home goes to school 5 mins away from him. My school and where I live are 2 hours away from him. I will move next semester in July to a city 1 hour away from him.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh! Okay. Cool

[Jamie05rhs]

So are you both taking classes during the summer?

[Asker]

I have to take boards so won't be free until July. He will be free whole summer. I just am scared of waiting and then he's found someone else talking to someone else

[Jamie05rhs]

@kareenakapur This is a very interesting situation. Usually girls are never scared of missing opportunities. They don't even want to think about love until they are finished with school. You are a very forward-thinking individual. I respect that.

When is "Spring Break"? Has that happened yet?

[Asker]

Lol he's hot and going to be a doctor. Same culture as me, same state as me. Its a rarity. Def a missed opportunity. Spring break is next week but im studying during it :(

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol. Well; I see, then! 😂

Aww. Well, you guys will have to get together in May, then. After his final exams.

[spartan55]

Saying congrats on stupid Instagram is considered 'making a move?'... wow... that's some weak shit.

[Asker]

Yes lol be careful who says congrats to you LMAO

[Asker]

I said extra nice way though

[In_Trance]

have you messaged him?