We’ve been together close to 8 years (he is my first and only) but not married. He used to like everything about me and now he says I am too fat (I am 160 pounds and 5’5”) and says he hates everything about me but then he also wants to sleep with me all of the time and says he needs me and he stares at me with lust so I don’t get it but he also says he needs to marry someone athletic and realist and refine. He is 20 years older than me, in average shape himself and looks older but I have never said anything to him about his insecurities (e. g. a lot of body hair and double chin) — I actually assure him I like those things.. so I don’t really get it. Here is our last exchange:
Me: why do you keep trying to control me and treat me like I am nothing?
Him: I am not controlling. I want someone I want. There is a difference.
Me: so you don’t want me? Then why do you keep sleeping with me and stay instead of looking for other options?
Him: want as in nobility, someone athletic, who is a realist and graceful - not like you with your clumsy mannerisms. I mean just look at the long line of desperate men you have that keep expressing interest. You are wanted by many since you fit their mold of basic trash. Now come over and get in bed.
Me: I think I need to move on and you should look for what you want.
Him: Totally, you should do what is right for you.
Me: Glad we agree.
Three hours later:
Him: Come over in my bed now.
Me: No. I don’t feel safe with you anymore. Please leave me alone.
Him: maybe something else is wrong?
30 mins later:
Him: you are probably just PMSing
5 mins later:
Come over in my bed now.
20 mins later:
(eye roll emoji) I’m going to ask one more time. Come over in my bed now. You have 60 secs to respond.
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Please help. I can’t sleep. I don’t feel like eating. Why does he stay if he hates me?
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