Why Would A Man Lament About Men Getting Harassed Oftener & When Asked To Report, Shrug It Off Saying He Doesn't Really Care?

[fonduegirl]

so a guy here was discussing about how a woman pinching his ass doesn't count as harassment but if it were a man to woman touch, that'd have been deeply inappropriate. so i told him to tell the harasser, which was my way of saying "let them know their physical touch upsets you and if they don't back off, report" but the guy shrugged it all off saying he doesn't care. if he doesn't care, why would he bring it up? doesn't add up.

and then another guy lamented how men aren't taken seriously in USA, men are abused more. and the only reason i can think of for that is — not enough friggin reports. if your own fellow men says things like "i don't care though", damn right society is gonna neglect you.

so instead of saying men get mistreated too, say "men get mistreated. i'm a man and i wanna do something. whether i have been there or not is not important, i as a man care about everyone, including men getting abused."

[NathanDavis]

different situations... different context, different reactions...

I've had it happening a few times... mostly around high-school days so I was ages 16 to 20 and some girls would grab, pinch or spank just for the "fun of it" so I just considered something silly, although daring... and the first time, very puzzling and weird, lol

but they were either either people I knew, or people who knew me and familiar to a point, or girls from other schools... and it was usually a one time thing, a hit and run and nothing else, if it had been a constant thing from the same people then that could feel different and that would have prompted a different reaction, if it had happened with a much older person and under a context of authority/subordinate then it could be even weirder but I did not have this happening

now... there were also times, in which some women would grab/feel and go for the crotch, at a very different setting as well (clubs, bars, parties and stuff) and this was a very different thing for me, this warranted a full stop and also a very clear message... stop it, and don't do that... lol

[Jamie05rhs]

I agree completely.

[RagnarRedbeard]

I’ve had my ass pinched and stuff like that by random, usually drunk, women. I never reported it, not because of my ego or because I’m afraid to call myself a victim, just because it wasn’t really an issue. I didn’t feel threatened or outraged.

If I felt like a woman was going too far I could easily tell her to stop. In fact once this girl I’d never spoken to blocked my path, she was dancing staring into my eyes getting right up in my face like she wanted to kiss me or something, and as I tried to step aside she blocked my way again. I just smiled, grabbed her by the shoulders, gently moved her to the side, and walked past.

That’s the difference here, a woman couldn’t do that to a man twice her size. She feels threatened in these situations, that’s what triggers such a strong response in comparison. A man is a bigger threat to a woman than a woman is to a man, that’s just a fact.

A lot of people are obsessed with pointing out double-standards just for the sake of it. They become outraged about things that really don’t matter.

[QuietVerbena]

Some men like stuff like having their ass pinched. Those same men are typically really upset about not being able to pinch women’s asses the way they used to, so they complain about the “harassment” they experience (though a lot of that is just fantasy, women really don’t do that that often and especially not to average looking non celebrities) but don’t actually want to do anything about it.

[msmissydc]

I totally agree with you. Also I would add that those that do want to report something are often called gay (in a demeaning manner), or weak ( as they can't solve it themselves) by other men. That makes it even more problematic in my opinion.

Hope you didn't mean that with the second paragraph. Otherwise I just agree even more with you then I allready did.

[richardcory]

Maybe I can imagine. So if a random woman grabbed me, I wouldn't be particularly upset. At the same time I'm aware that its totally inappropriate for me to grab a woman (harassment / assault).

There is some part of me that wants to see that as unfair. That since if I grab a woman its a crime, a woman grabbing me should also be a crime. Yet at the same time it doesn't actually bother me. I think on average (certainly not in every case) men are more open to sexual interactions with random women than the reverse.

I fine with just saying no one gets to grab anyone, end of story. But there is this sort of tension in the background.

[fonduegirl]

Does it bother you or does it not? If it doesn't, shut up. If it does, do something other than using it to say "this is unfair".

[richardcory]

Why do you say that? Its possible for it not to bother me, but for me to be aware that it bothers others. Its not clear what is "fair" when there are significant statistical differences between genders.

[fonduegirl]

And for the sake of our argument, there's a pinch in your ass by a random woman.

[fonduegirl]

Imagine how desperate you have to be to not let it bother you.

[richardcory]

Just don’t car that much it it’s me. No different from getting squished against people in the Tokyo subway

[AdithyaR]

Guys who normally act like that do so for one of two reasons:
1. They've been conditioned into believing that men should just "man up" and deal with it, and that asking for help is weakness
2. They don't actually care about men's right, they just bring it up when a discussion about women's issues in an attempt to silence the women.

[fonduegirl]

Exactly! Couldn't have said it better.

[Tstrbrainer]

For men our ego is more important, I guess. Some of us would rather die than claiming to be harassed by a woman.

First of all, men are not usually intimidated or offended by a woman's advances, even if unwanted.

Second, being less to worry about, a lot of us do not feel offended by a woman pinching our ass, we would actually see it as an invitation.

What the asker was pointing out was the double standard in it. When women often complain about consent and personal space, but aren't mindful of keeping their hands to themselves.

Think of it this way, you are punching a statue made of stone, you are kicking it, throwing insults at it, the statue being made of stone is not affected by any of these and actually you are the one likely to end up with a broken wrist.

But still the fact that the statue don't feel anything doesn't make your behavior towards it good.

In this case, the statue is just pointing it out

[fonduegirl]

Any self respecting human being should take offense of unwanted advances. God.

[fonduegirl]

And if your ego is more important, maybe don't lament about inequality. Because you caused it.

[fonduegirl]

It's not our fault you guys don't have self esteem.

[Tstrbrainer]

But it's not our fault women can't keep their hands to themselves

[fonduegirl]

It really is. If you don't raise your voice, people assume the touch was wanted.

[Tstrbrainer]

It's not about whether the touch was wanted/unwanted, it's about whether it is appropriate.

And as a guy, I'm not going to whine about being touched by a woman, I have a natural way to react when I'm personally offended and that is to beat the fuck out of the other.

Trust me, if guys started to react a lot of women would end up in life support

[fonduegirl]

Well they better start soon then

[larry69]

Different standards... just like women can say darling honey and sweetheart it's just normal.
Men can say those same words and it's sexual harassment.
Men caused this by their own misbehavior years ago.

Simple solution keep my thoughts, words, and hands to myself.

[fonduegirl]

Not true. My male professor sometimes addresses us female students as darling. It doesn't mean anything, we know that.

[art84]

I probably wouldn't report a women touching me if I found it being a turned on like being friendly with grabbing my hand. Now if it was inappropriate touching like my leg even my crotch area then yes it would be reported. There's a time and place for touching if it's behind close doors.

[fonduegirl]

And for the sake of our argument, there's a pinch in your ass by a random woman.

How do you react?

[art84]

I honestly don't like being touched so yeah if a women pinch my butt, I would tell her. I would expect if I did the same to a girl, she wouldn't like it. No one should be touched unless they are comfortable with being touched.

[fonduegirl]

Period.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

I haven't experienced it, but if I did, I would report it. I don't want to be randomly touched by some random woman.

[fonduegirl]

As any self respecting human should!

[Jamie05rhs]

You can't equate an ass-pinching to physical abuse. Neither are right, but they're not on the same level.

[fonduegirl]

How about harassment

[Jamie05rhs]

@anon1903 Yes, it is harassment. But you have to understand that harassment to a man and harassment to a woman are not the same thing. A woman could fear (rightfully so) that she might be followed and attacked and raped. A man doesn't have anything to fear.

[fonduegirl]

Those gender differences, not gender inequality.

[fonduegirl]

^are

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay.

[Stevefiveo]

Eh, I get my ass punched a lot. I just interpret it as harmless flirting.