Why does he keep feeling like he’s the bad guy in the relationship?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I had been together for about 4 years. We had ups and downs, conflicts, communication issues, just common relationship things since we were both young when we started dating and were long distance (3 hours away). But, around year 2-3 of the relationship, he kept saying how he felt like the bad guy due to his actions and how I responded emotionally in conflict. I’m emotional sometimes so I can’t help but to cry, and tried to get better about it. But, he felt bad seeing me cry and being upset by his repeated mistakes. We went to couple’s counseling and things were going better then, but we had to end it sooner than expected due to circumstances. Throughout this, I kept recommending him to go to therapy since I wasn’t helping him the way he needed. He kept putting it off because of school and work.

As the relationship continued, he still had that feeling deep down, and let it boil over to now where he broke up with me due to feeling like the “bad guy/villain” still after all this time, and isn’t happy with us anymore because of it. I felt like it was unfair but he kept saying that he was going to work on himself now so he doesn’t feel like that anymore and that he won’t come back to me because the “bad guy feeling” would be on his mind still. I thought that was contradictory since he’s going to therapy to solve that. But why did he feel like a bad guy even though I never purposely made him feel that way? I never unnecessarily confronted him unless I was extremely bothered by it. He seemed happy a week ago when we hanged out in person.

[Anonymous]

It's possible that your boyfriend may have been struggling with feelings of guilt or shame related to his actions in the relationship. It's not uncommon for people to feel like the "bad guy" in conflicts or disagreements, especially if they feel like they have repeatedly made mistakes or hurt their partner.

It's also possible that your boyfriend may have been dealing with his own personal issues or insecurities that contributed to these feelings. Going to therapy can be a helpful way to work through these issues and develop healthier coping strategies and communication skills.

It's important to remember that everyone has their own perspective and emotional experiences in a relationship, and it's possible that your boyfriend's feelings of guilt or shame may not have been entirely related to your actions or behavior. It's important to communicate openly and honestly with each other about your feelings and expectations for the relationship, and to listen to each other's perspectives without judgment or blame.

Ultimately, it's up to your boyfriend to take responsibility for his own feelings and actions, and to work towards healing and growth. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and to make choices that align with your values and priorities, whether that means continuing to work on the relationship or moving on.

[Asker]

Do you think he will come back though after therapy? Like the likelihood of that?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, It's difficult to predict the likelihood of your boyfriend coming back to you after therapy, as there are many factors that could influence his decision. It's possible that he may work through his issues and come to the conclusion that he wants to be with you again.

However, it's also important to keep in mind that therapy is a personal journey, and your boyfriend may discover things about himself and his needs that lead him to make a different decision about the relationship. The decision to get back together will depend on both of your feelings and the progress that has been made in therapy.

In the meantime, it's important to take care of yourself and focus on your own healing and growth. It can be difficult to cope with a breakup, but with time and support, you can come out stronger on the other side.

[AllGoodNamesRGone]

It's possible that your boyfriend may have a tendency to perceive himself as the "bad guy" due to misunderstandings or miscommunications between you two. If there are frequent conflicts and communication issues, it can lead to a perception of being at fault for causing emotional distress.

[Asker]

There are not frequent, but when they do happen no matter how big or small, he immediately states how he feels bad afterward and continues to sit with that emotion for a long time. I try to tell him that since I was able to move on from it, he can be able to let it be since I am not hurt by what he did.