Does he have the right to check my phone and question the guys I’ve been friends with?

[calialltheway1993]

My ex and I went through a lot of fights. Regardless, we managed to make it work because of our strong emotions. Just before our breakup, it reached a point to where he was calling me names and bringing up my family, basically no respect left on his part & coming at me for little things like me saying “thanks” instead of “thank you.” I blew up on him eventually & mentally checked out. 1 day we got into a fight and he said he’d block me (something he does when he’s mad). I then accepted some requests from guys- i was really mad-on social media (didn’t message them and deleted them later. He found out and hell broke and also found platonic msgs between a male friend I’ve known for 5 years. Those msgs included funny memes. I stopped being friends w/ this guy for him. He asked to check my phone, I didn’t agree because he should trust me & wouldn’t want him to think it’s ok to check my phone whenever he feels the need in the future. We ended up breaking up. We kinda kept in touch though to reconcile. Weeks turned into months leading up to us meeting in person. As we were chatting, he told me his expectations which included he checks my phone, I agreed. Then he asks to see my male followers to ask how I know them. I told him some are friends (since HS) and he didn’t like that. He said he doesn’t like his girlfriend to have male friends & I should take off whoever he doesn’t like. I had a reaction and didn’t let him check my phone so ofc he had major issues. We never got back together but now we’re surfacing the relationship again he told me of the same expectations. I’m really conflicted and don’t know if getting back with given expectations are normal or not. Is getting back a good idea?

He has the right

You have the right to disagree

Updates

+1 y

I forgot to mention, as part of his expectations, he wants me to be submissive, to not challenge him so I can’t ask questions, and to just follow his lead basically.

[ohsheeT]

That is your phone and your phone only your phone only your phone only he has no right to even touch it he has no right to be in it and he has no right to call anybody that's in there he's a jackass sorry but I have to say it and if I was you I would say goodbye long time ago that guy is rude insecure and little cry baby

[calialltheway1993]

He says by him checking my phone and questioning me and telling who to delete is a way to gain his trust back

[ohsheeT]

That's pure manipulation That is bull crap that is him being in control of you and telling you what you can do and what you can't do who you can talk to and who you can't talk to that is pure and security manipulation and wrong if he cannot trust you then he shouldn't be with you tell him you want to see his phone and you want to go through his phone and do the same thing that's only right

[calialltheway1993]

Yeah that’s mostly why I have a problem that he checks my phone. It makes me wonder how he’ll act down the line if I allow him to take control of me. He says he doesn’t have a problem is I check his phone but I’m not the type to check and investigate. He’s younger than me so maybe this is his way of taking control over me because he feels he’s younger?

[ohsheeT]

I don't think that's really taking control of you because that's impossible I think what it is is him being possessive and demanding and he thinks he's in control did his parents fight a lot you got to be careful with guys like that especially young guys because nowadays they're out of control if he starts isolating you are manipulating you even more you better really think about walking away I mean there's billions of guys out there but that guy right there for being so young he's already overboard

[spartan55]

He is all but screaming he is a jealous, misogynistic, controlling asswipe. Is that what you want? He has shown you multiple times who he is. Have you not paid attention.
by the way, you don't sound innocent in all this either. Getting pissed because he says 'thanks' instead of 'thank you'? Tf is that?

[calialltheway1993]

I’ve made my mistakes too but none to ever make me a cheater. But yeah that’s how he is with me when we’re fighting and not happy together

[Anonymous]

More phone silliness. Just turned your phone off and you wouldn't have these petty issues.

[calialltheway1993]

If only it was that easy. I can’t undo what’s happened

[Lliam]

Are you crazy? Why are you having anything to do with that narcissistic ass hole, let alone reconciling?

[calialltheway1993]

I’m not sure. I keep going back to him. I know it sounds cliche, but when we’re not fighting he’s a really caring and loving guy. He’s willing to jump in front of a car for me.

[Anonymous]

If you can't deal with him checking your phone and canceling your male friendships than move on. What's so hard about that. Just make up your mind about that and don't expect him to change his demands.

[calialltheway1993]

Is it normal to be doing that though? The reason I can’t let go is because I still have feelings for him but sometimes his controlling side gets ugly.

[Opinion Owner]

no , he's not a normal guy.

[slatyb]

No, he doesn't. Her needs to be an ex.