My boyfriend said he doesn't like too much praise from me, it irritates him?

Question

I love to call my boy friend gorgeous and beautiful and sexy and incredible and maybe I do this every single time I see him 🤭 even if he's in fat pants and a dirty shirt but I just genuinely find him Soo incredible and the words just slip from my mouth.

Whenever he accomplishes anything, even small, I praise him and even when he makes mistakes I praise him for trying.

It's just who I am.

But. He's just told me. After six months of dating, that he hates that I praise him all the time and only wants to hear praises every once and a while.

It's hurt my feelings deeply.

My boyfriend says it's a guy thing and that guys are like girls, who need constant reminders of how beautiful or how smart or talented or strong or awesome they are.

But it's really deeply hurt me and I'm finding it Soo hard to stop the praising and find myself apologising and having to watch what I say whenever I see him now. It hurts.

Is this a guy thing?

Pοrnytail · Accepted Answer

My dearest, let me help you understand this curious phenomenon known as the male ego. You see, boys are often more insecure about their abilities and looks, and constant praise can sometimes feel like too much of a good thing. It's not that they don't appreciate your admiration; they just want it to be balanced with the occasional constructive criticism or moment of silence. This is their way of maintaining their self-esteem and avoiding becoming complacent in their relationships.

It's important to remember that your boyfriend loves you for who you are, and he's not trying to stifle your feelings. Instead, he's trying to strike a balance that makes both of you feel comfortable and secure in the relationship. It's okay to praise him occasionally, but also make sure to give him room to grow and develop without feeling like he has to constantly prove himself to you.

So, my lovely, take this as a learning experience. Instead of focusing on the praise, focus on the actions that make him feel loved and supported. Maybe a warm hug, a back rub, or even just a kind word can help him feel cherished without it being too overwhelming. And who knows, maybe he'll return the favor and appreciate your unique brand of affection too!

Alright? Let me repeat in case if you missed it... boys are often more insecure about their abilities and looks, and constant praise can sometimes feel like too much of a good thing. It's not that they don't appreciate your admiration; they just want it to be balanced with the occasional constructive criticism or moment of silence. This is their way of maintaining their self-esteem and avoiding becoming complacent in their relationships.

It's important to remember that your boyfriend loves you for who you are, and he's not trying to stifle your feelings. Instead, he's trying to strike a balance that makes both of you feel comfortable and secure in the relationship. It's okay to praise him occasionally, but also make sure to give him room to grow and develop without feeling like he has to constantly prove himself to you.

So, my lovely, take this as a learning experience. Instead of focusing on the praise, focus on the actions that make him feel loved and supported. Maybe a warm hug, a back rub, or even just a kind word can help him feel cherished without it being too overwhelming. And who knows, maybe he'll return the favor and appreciate your unique brand of affection too!

BlackBeauty90 · Accepted Answer

To be honest NOBODY likes excessive praise. It is like excessively apologizing. The only people who need to be constantly praised as narcissistic or insecure individuals.

Everyone who isn't narcissistic or insecure would find it annoying behavior.

After all excessive praise makes your praise meaningless, valueless and unimportant. It downplays when he should be praised and makes the most unimportant of things he does seem important.

When your boyfriend praises you every so often it doesn't mean he likes you less, it just means that he doesn't see any point in praising you for simply breathing.

So cut it out.

Lynx122 · Accepted Answer

Hmm it's a difficult question. I personally like when a woman shows her love to me just because I haven't had the best experiences with women. so I would see it as a sign of love and that would be positive for me. But on the other hand I understand that it can be too much and almost condescending when you're praised for the smallest things. Like a child that can't do much so you praise them for everything to try and motivate them. I would have to kind of witness the situation to fully understand if I'd be fine with it or not and see his perspective.

ArrowheadSW · Accepted Answer

Well you sound like a great catch! But if he is annoyed by it, work with him on it. For whatever reason he doesn't like it to that degree? I can understand why you feel hurt. Not sure if this is a "guy" thing or there are other reasons. But apparently he doesn't like it to this extent. It should be workable though. Keep the lines of communication open.

CaptainOverthink · Answer

It may be.

Partly because we're not used to it, it will then feel strange or unnatural, a bit too much.
But also because when we do get praise, it usually because we genuinly deserved it, because we worked our ass off.
If we then get praise for everything, it might feel off or undeserved. Fake.

And in time the praise lose it's meaning because we always get it for free.
Words and how we use them matters, if we use them too much they lose their value, if we use them wrongly we warp their definition.

Don't beat yourself up, it's not that personal. You just didn't grow up a man that's all. But now you know, so try only giving him praise when he really outdid himself. And you know.. I'm sure there are way you can compliment him without words.. Actions speak louder.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

It’s not necessarily a guy thing. I come from a household where compliments are given in spades but when it’s for something really simplistic, or something I’ve done a thousand times, it comes off condescending even though I know they have good intentions. I know words of affirmation are probably a love language for you and it’s great to have that, but I would try to find a new way to communicate. Maybe you can do something through touch, like how three taps from your hand means “I love you” or something. There are plenty of ways to communicate your feelings to him without using words

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly I do believe it’s a female thing. In a way he’s embarrassed about it. Not embarrassed as far as you saying it, but men aren’t used to that. Also if you’re doing it in public in front of other men he may feel emasculated. We do a lot of things w out expecting things in return. He’s not used to it. Neither am I. Men don’t need constant validation the way a lot of women do. Because we know we still have to do whatever regardless of being praised or not. Just say thank you. I love you. Show your appreciation by cooking him something, maybe making him a cold drink, a hug, a kiss. A lot of men don’t get compliments from women, even their own women. Plus too much praise may not make it seem not as special as it would if it’s once in a while. It’s like you’re just handing out praises like candy.

StarWarGirl · Answer

Some people who are really honest towards himself hard working doesn't like too much prasing what actually is more than what's reality but they prefer praise, compliment as well as criticism as closer to reality as much possible. More than that they feel like they don't deserve and it's not makes them happy at all but they feel like fake useless kind instead they prefer to earn it and then only they feel satisfied with themselves and feel like it's worthwhile.

luvstoned4him · Answer

I love nothing more than complimenting people and making them feel good but some people has expressed in ways that it makes them feel uncomfortable so as a result I've toned it down or just flat out stop 🤷🏽‍♀️

KingOfMe1 · Answer

You sound perfect to me. If people rather be treated less than that is there right.

I'd rather be around someone with a habitual positive mental attitude towards me rather than one who is not trained in that direction and relies solely on the outside for their thinking.

You'd be a wonderful mother and I know your children will have solid self images because of you.

Ninania · Answer

What seems to be the issue is that you're showing affection through your love language rather than his. No matter the intention behind your actions, you need to be aware of how he receives them. He's expressed discomfort to something you do, so you need to respect that boundary going forward.
I get that it hurts you to know that the way you prefer to express love isn't being received as you hoped, but his boundary is not an attack on you.

pethouse · Answer

Some people who grew up with zero praise don’t like being praised because it makes them feel uncomfortable. That’s how i was. I grew up without them then one day (thanks to the court😂😂😂) I had to do 40 hrs community service. I did actually do my 100% and for that everyone praised me for working so hard. It made me feel extremely weird but I got used to it.

BigRed1987 · Answer

Well as someone who’s love language is words of affirmation the second highest, personally I would love that.

But he’s clearly different, as we all are.

Find out what he wants from you because clearly he isn’t a fan of what you’re doing

Blueeyes81 · Answer

For small little tasks it would come off as patronizing. Like if I take out the trash and you praise me for it. Secondly it loses all meaning when it is every little thing. I wouldn't like it either.

Anonymous · Answer

You should throw him a curveball one day and tell him how much he sucks.😆😆😆

No I can't identify with this at all. I mean, no I don't need constant compliments and validation. But it's almost always appreciated. Cause a woman doesn't have to do it.

It kind of makes me wonder if he just has trouble taking compliments or he doubts your sincerety.

sheikalana · Answer

I mean he was honest to you you should respect his wishes.

magiusX26 · Answer

i would guess at least part of why he wants them less often as using them often lessens their value. could also be giving him a feeling like being love bombed.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

It would really sound fake if you overdo it making them feel more like a fraud. Thats the very same thing children feel to parents overly praising them which create that golden child syndrome. Its not just for men either.

anonmay1 · Answer

Some men are insecure and need a lot of validation. Some men don’t mind the occasional compliment which is healthy. And others are uncomfortable with any compliments which is also unhealthy and a sign of trauma in my opinion.

Throwawaynowknow · Answer

I like praise but I don't want to be told I'm gorgeous when I don't oht effort in. I want the compliments to have meaning.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow that was so so sweet  Sad that you didn't end up with someone who would reciprocate that

REX_JSWL · Answer

You should stop doing that If my girl start praising me too much I feel irritated too Everyone like praising onse in a while but not too much

Mallic00 · Answer

I got a pretty good idea. He probably thinks your compliments are empty or insincere.

PeterLegg91 · Answer

No not at all, I love being praised by a girlfriend :)

My boyfriend said he doesn't like too much praise from me, it irritates him?

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