Should a guy tell a girl, if he finds her physically attractive?

[johnnybegoodoer]

When a guy interacts with you and a lot of other girls in a friendship way and there is NO perspective on a relationship forming (for example, you have a boyfriend), do you expect him to be honest about finding you physically attractive? Is it weird, if he shows signals, that he does, but doesn't talk about it? Or should he keep this info to himself?

Openly talk about the attraction

Keep it to himself

[MissusFluffyPants]

Well, I’ve had that happen to me and it made me feel seriously uncomfortable, so from my point of view no, you shouldn’t tell her. Some girls like any sort of attention from men, but I would rather be ignorant and think it’s all platonic. It made me feel I couldn’t be myself around him and I was constantly worried about leading him on by accident when all I was trying to be was friendly.

There’s nothing wrong with thinking that, and there’s no reason you can’t be friends, but just keep it to yourself. Don’t get me wrong, it’s flattering and all, but why do you want to tell her that? What’s the benefit, unless you want to change the relationship and become more than friends, it could make her feel awkward. Once you tell her you can’t take it back is it really worth it?

[johnnybegoodoer]

I asked the question partly, because I am trying to understand, how men and women can be friends with each other, while still being honest.
In your case, if he had not told you, he still would have had these thoughts about you and either you might have started to suspect it in some way or stayed oblivious.
I value honesty in friendships over almost everything, it makes me uncomfortable, to feel, i have to hide something, this is why I want to share my thoughts openly.

Would you have stayed in the friendship, if he hadn't told you, but you had suspected, he felt that way? Would it have been a meaningful friendship still, if he was hiding something from you the entire time?

In your case, he was making the decision, to dissolve his discomfort by telling you, with the chance of creating discomfort for you. If this is fair, I cannot judge.
I do get the part about feeling, like you can't be yourself around him. It weighs on you, when you get told someone is into you, because the other person pits the responsibility on you.

But in my case, all i want to do is resolve a tension, that has been created by having to hide something that seems obvious to me. In my case, I believe not saying it out loud is creating the state of not being myself.

In any case, my view is, friendships like this will either last beyond the sharing of this info, or they end over it. And i guess it's the guys choice, to risk the friendship in a pursuit to be authentic.

[midnightmoon05]

She has a boyfriend? And you are in a lot of friendship with many other girls?
you want to tell this girl who has a boyfriend that she has a hot body/looks pretty?
if I got this right…

you only job is to say…hey dude you are one lucky guy. She seems to be a great catch. Then go your way to look for your own woman.

[johnnybegoodoer]

I find this post really interesting, because the way you phrased it, i can't be friends with an attractive girl. I can only be friends with her boyfriend and tell him, that he is lucky and ignore, that she is a person too.

I am not trying to steal someones girlfriend, i am not trying to archieve something, by telling her, other than speaking the truth and not having to hide something, that is on my mind.

I guess my question was: Can I be friends with girls that i find physically attractive? And as I understood it, your answer is no.

[midnightmoon05]

I agree. In real life. You can be friends with a girl AND her boyfriend. Not just be her friend.

What do friends do?
Go out, hand out, talk about things. Girly stuff. Or go on adventures, hiking, gaming… Etc. so, you just ask her to go out and do things? Without her boyfriend?

On the flip side. The day you have a girlfriend. You tell her…my friend is very attractive. We have been friends forever. We used to go out and do things. How would she feel?

[johnnybegoodoer]

We do hang out in groups of people, not just one on one, but we met under circumstances of schooling, where we have developed a friend group, in which the boyfriend isn't there. I never even met him.
But yeah, we do actively meet. When there is free time from work, we have spent time and in the group gatherings we have spent time. I am not sure, if this is a problem.
But to your comment, I am sure, whenever I meet her boyfriend, I am gonna tell him, he's a lucky guy.
But to me that doesn't mean, I am not going to keep meeting her from time to time.

[midnightmoon05]

I was in your place once before in my 20s. I had lots of guy/group friends and yes, we hung out. But once they have their SO. We keep a distance. Never go out one on one when they met a SO.
Are you planning to have a girlfriend at some point?

[johnnybegoodoer]

Thank you for your perspective and advice!

[gothbxtch]

it depends on the situation and how he says it

[Nikki1989]

It is not what you say but how you say it.

[johnnybegoodoer]

Ahh, i get that!
So basically, if he's polite about it and doesn't expect something from her, it's better to be honest?

On the other hand, when a guy doesn't say it: Even though he never says it out loud, if he is acting weird around you, it is still weird.