What’s wrong with me if I tell men things I don’t feel?

Well, I have humiliated 3 guys by telling them their not worth it in different ways. I just begged them to prove I can win and manipulate them. Right now I’m trying hard to manipulate this 3 guy to forgive me after I told him his not worth it or enough like other guys I dated. I want to stop! I can get therapy of course but you know here in the states it takes long months to see a professional.
I hate men who think they’re smarter than me like b*** I’m just fake complimenting you. I don’t feel anymore. I think it all started when I realized men sometimes only want sex and I’m
Lying to both the ones who want something serious and the other trash
What’s wrong with me if I tell men things I don’t feel?
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