Is this normal for this “space”? what does it all mean?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been talking for nearly a month. He went a week once w/o talking during a stressful time he claimed. I msged a week back to check up and he explained his complicated story. We were good. But I did told him I can’t do that again because it hurts and I wouldn’t want space for more than one day esp cuz I went through that in my last relationship and I might have anxiety disorder. He said he wouldn’t do that again. This past week has been good but we’ve also been having rough conv at night. He told me once he needs to work on not keeping me in the dark. I told him if he ever need space or trying to find the right words do say something, he doesn’t need to not say nothin for a long time and just communicate with me that he can just say he has a lot on his mind and we can talk later or next day. Then 2 nights ago he actually said he has a lot on his mind and we can talk the next day. I sent him positive/loving quotes & explained I apologize if I made him felt some way by our talk and shared my side. Then I also asked how can I make him feel better and if he need more space, I hope he can tell me. And I hope we can talk after he’s off work. He never replied all day until after work stating he still need some time to figure things out… I only liked the message as my way saying I will let him do that but he knows my boundary with going more than one day of not talking. I woke up today and he still hasn’t say anything… my hurt and head hurts. Is this a slow fade? Is he trying to figure on ending us? Is he just BSing me? Is this even normal for men? I’m so confuse but I feel like I deserve better… it shouldn’t be this long

[Giddyup]

I couldn't take that space. If I have a woman I am talking to, dating or whatever, I want to talk to her. Even better, I would want to be near her. Simply natural for me.

If I don't, it is probably because I am just not feeling that into her😢.

[Asker]

:/ that’s how I feel like too… what should I do… leave it be… or say something like “I feel very emotionally distant and hurt because you already know I’m not okay doing this space for more than one day… I really like you and see a potential, but if you don’t call me now for us to figure it out together…. I’m walking away & not turning back”

[Asker]

I don't know I’m getting so many diff advices… end it. Don’t say anything. Wait for him to come back and see what he say.

[Giddyup]

I can't tell you what specifically to do, each situation is unique. If I like someone I would be patient and hope, maybe eventually it works. But don't get stuck on it either. Be open and if someone emotionally available comes along, then you move on.

[Asker]

I was thinking that as well… but I just sent it because as much as I like him and see great potential, I know I need communication and having space for more than one day isn’t okay esp when we already talked about it and he said he wouldn’t do it again but here we are.. :/ it feels like it’s gonna be repetitive

[Asker]

I’m super sad but it is what it is…. Cuz I know it’s hurting my heart and mental heath to need to wait for more than 1-2 days …like are we gonna be like this every time… its so hurtful

[Giddyup]

I agree with you and could not do the non communication either. I've been in your situation, and it makes you just want to cry at times.

Sounds like you need to let this guy go! It is not serious yet and patterns have a way of repeating themselves.

[Asker]

Thanks for being empathetic… that was me literally this morning…. Crying… because it just hurt so much when we already had this type of talk cuz it will hurt me… and it hurts right now because I know how much I wanna make it work and be with him if he just let me in, but if someone isn’t willingly to grow and follow through what they said…. What’s the point… I’m always waiting and hurting whenever he gets like this… 😔

[spartan55]

Good lord... sure sounds like you are expecting girlfriend treatment. You are in the 'talking stage', you're not even dating. Why not? Have you met him in person? Building and maintaining any sort of connection through online options just DOES NOT WORK. It's a complete waste of time.

[spartan55]

Baby mommas plural? Girl please reconsider, that is not a good situation.

[Asker]

Yeah… I was like tryna be patient and mindful that lots of people have blended family but I don't know anymore sigh I just sent my goodbye message if he don’t call soon

[spartan55]

It shows that he isn't good at relationships (or birth control) One ex with a kid maybe, but more than one. That's called a pattern.

[Asker]

Well he was with them for a very long time. The first one they both messed up. The second one she cheated on him… but he thought he would married her. So idk…

[spartan55]

You are also getting one side of it. Breakups are rarely 100% one sides fault.

[Billlewis]

I wouldn't necessarily say it's normal, but I also don't think It's unusual, either.

[Asker]

So what does this all mean… why take so long… to end us?

[spartan55]

@asker
What are you 'ending'? What's stopping you from ending it?

[Asker]

We were supposed to but he has a situation that we couldn’t this weekend. We don’t have the title but we talk like we are already together with everything we’ve shared and he has told me that once we meet, he would most likely want it to be official … and how he already drop other girls for me… he’s told his daughter about me and yeah. He talked about what he would do if he meet my parents. It’s like we both know we wanna be together but we haven’t met yet due to distance and he has kids complicated situation with his baby mamas. I don't know I feel like he’s special… I was gonna say something but I don't know if I should just sit back since he needed “some time”

[spartan55]

This whole thing is messed up. It will never work.

[Asker]

Why do you think it’s all messed up

[spartan55]

You haven't even met the guy for starters

[OddBeMe]

Yeah he’s manipulating you. But hey, that means he’s smart.

[Asker]

How? What makes you say that?

[OddBeMe]

By making you come to him. I do it with clients.

[Asker]

Oh, well I did send a goodbye message to call me or I’m walking away. But he said nothing.

[OddBeMe]

Good. Our intuition is good at spouting manipulators. Trust you gut.