A player not initiating to have sex or sext?

[Anonymous]

I’m seeing a handsome guy who’s a player. He broke up with his LTR girlfriend two years ago and been playing around since then.

It’s been two months and we went on six or seven dates so far. He kisses me when he drops me off at home after dinner or drinks, but if we meet up for lunch between work, just hug goodbye or cheek kiss.

He asked me to come to his place for a drink before we head out to our second date and after second date, which I turned both down because I was tired from friend’s bday party a night before.

What I heard from mutual friends and how he behaves in front of me is quite different. I knew what I was getting into and I don’t see him as a long term material.

He talks about his family and past to me, and about his work too.

I sensed he was seeing multiple girls at the same time in the first month, because he seemed to struggle to recall what we talked about. Based on friends’ stories, he only lasted 2-3 weeks per girl.

He ghosted me for about 1+1 week, which I pointed out when he reappeared second time to set up a date with me.

I like to have fun but within my boundary. I don’t think I gave an image of being very prude.
I do party and drink, but nothing crazy or slutty.

What is this guy thinking?

[Hulk_kitty]

If he is a player and you have heard bad things said about him, why do you keep dating and not finding somebody else? There a lot of red flags with this guy, and you still keep on pursuing him.

All I am going to say, if you keep staying in this relationship, or keep pursuing someone who is not of good character in many peoples eyes, you are setting yourself to get hurt.

Look you can't change this guy, and we all can guess his intentions, but none of us will any closer to the truth of what he want truly wants from you.

I am feeling he might not be looking for a long term relationship, but his intentions could be that, he is going to be to nice to you for while, lure you in to trap, once he has got you thinking he likes you and all loved up, then use you for lots of sex. Then dump you.

Players come in all different forms, they don't all just shag girls on the first date, Players also have a girlfriend as guaranteed shag, and then go out shagging other women behind the girlfriend back. Don't generalise players, they all have different tactics on how to get sex from a girl.

I would say, find somebody else. My advice to you, you can catch people out, if their words don't match thier actions.

[Hulk_kitty]

I used have friends, that were players, they would have a girlfriend as guaranteed shag, and but then go out shag other girls. Its scary what people do and get up to.

[RespectfulGuy]

If he's also early 30s like you, player or not, he could be thinking of "settling down".

And you're one of his "wife material" girl 😁

Players usually won't talk about family and work to his "hit and run" girls. The reason is obvious - the lesser the girl knows about him, the lesser the strings attached.

Also, Players ghosted with two objectives in mind: sex or sext.

And if with you he seeks neither, he ghosted you to know you better.

Hence my opinion is, apart from finding him attractive, do you love him? If you do, do you think he also loves you? Can you accept his past?

What you will do with him lies in you answering the few questions above honestly.

[Asker]

He’s late 30s.. so either settle down now or never. During ghosting, I didn’t reach out to him at all. It happened after 5th date, we were texting as usual that night, conversation ended well but didn’t hear from him. When I pointed out when he came back, he said he was busy with travel, F1 party, etc. and thought I was an independent kind.

I think “love” is a big word to use yet. I didn’t fall for him as it takes time for me to open up, but certainly was interested where this could go. He’s been kind, generous and gentle around me, so when I heard about him from my friend yesterday I was quite shocked even though I sensed a bit from flirty attitude.

[RespectfulGuy]

Some may disagree, but I think you should ask him directly about what your friends said about him.

Pre-amp your statement like "please don't take it the wrong way..." or "for a possible serious relationship, I need to clarify what I heard with you..."

Then tell him what your friends said and listen to him carefully WITHOUT PREJUDICE.

Yes, listen and ask further question and demonstrate your desire to know him better.

This is something married couple do to clear up misunderstandings.

[Asker]

I think these are pretty accurate because he told his guy friends and one of them is my friend. My friend agrees he’s a nice guy in heart (also based on how he broke up with ex, not an ass) but seems pretty spoiled by all the girls who just throw themselves at him.

He seemed to have caught off guard when I calmly talked about him ghosting but came back flirting, which confused me and inconsistency is a turn off.

[RespectfulGuy]

"inconsistency is a turn off." - - oh yes, very.

But if he REALLY has feelings for you, it could be a reflex due to being "caught off guard".

Why not be nice to him for like 3 months. Don't find fault. Just see how he behave among friends and in public.

Then see if you will crush or (better still) fall in love 😁

[SueShe]

This guy is a player but not a player with you because he does not see you as "playable material" so to speak.

Why don't you just leave it be and don't tempt the devil. I would not want to have anything to do with such kind of person that is probably ridden with all kinds of venereal diseases. Better keep your fingers (and other body parts) off from him if you don't want to risk to be infected.

I don't even want to know what your "fun with boundaries" is but it does not sound good to me. Be wise and keep your distance. You are probably not his type, even for "fun with boundaries".

[Asker]

Thanks! I’m not going to make any such moves. I heard that he was seeing multiple girls at the same time from my friend yesterday.

I have good sense of humor and can go with flow but will not cross my boundaries, such as one night stand.

[Iron_Man]

Don’t have sex until you’re married

[In_Trance]

Move on