So a couple months ago when i was out, I met a man in his mid-thirties and I'm in my early twenties. We got along great and we like the same music and we laughed together, liked the same things, etc. So we never really talked unless we were in the same room but we always hit it off when we happened to come across each other. The other night he asked for my number when we saw each other again. We talked a little and he invited me over to his place. Long story short, it was a great night and yes we hooked up. He texted me the morning after to tell me it was a great night for him and that we should see each other again. I obviously said yes. Lol but then he said something that kinda hurt. He said, "hey, we should probably just keep this to ourselves." I agreed because I didn't want to be difficult. But why does he want me to be a secret? I'm a nice person, try to dress nicely, I'm not skinny but I'm not ungodly big either, and I've been told I'm very pretty. I get flirted with at a lot of places i go. Not trying to sound conceited, but I just don't understand the whole keeping me a secret thing? He's not married or anything. Am I just not good enough?
Why did he say this to me after we hooked up?
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You could be pretty, nice, educated, and all the great qualities a good man would want.. but this specific guy just wants to sleep with you. He sees that you are easy to talk to and have things in common. Which means you are great company and he can get what he wants which is to sleep with you. He knew you would agree to sleep with him, so he thinks you’re easy also keep in mind I don’t know what energy you put out so maybe he saw something. Long story short, he wants to keep you around as a secret.. basically a sneaky link.
What do you mean the kind of energy I put out, he might have seen something? I try to be as nice as possible to everyone I'm in the room with. But yeah, almost all of the guys I've talked to have wanted me to be a secret. I've been told I'm pretty, but do you think these guys could be embarrassed of me? Be honest. That's kinda how I'm starting to feel.
Or maybe the sex is bad and that's kind of their way of letting me down softly?
Like do you have a flirty personality? I’m just asking, I’m not saying that’s the case. Maybe cause you’re so nice, guys see you as easy to take advantage of bc I’m a nice girl as well and that has been the case for me.. but they find out I actually have boundaries. In any case, you being pretty makes it better because they don’t want you for you.. they want you for your body. It’s not because of embarrassment, it’s because they don’t want any type of commitment to you, they just wanna have sex with you.
If the sex was bad, they wouldn’t want to keep you as a secret so that’s not the reason. First off, where do you meet these men? Also another question, it seems you keep getting the same type of man who only wants u for sex, do you text or dress a way guys would think.. she would be good for sex only?
Also you being nice and pretty are surface things, so maybe it’s in the things you say to them or they get a hunch from the type of conversations you have.. I have limited information from you since you seem just as confused… so I’m listing possible reasons. Maybe you’re unaware of a pattern that you have with these men, have you slept with all of them that have asked you to be a secret?
Yes unfortunately I have. I need to work on that.. but what do you mean if the sex is bad, they wouldn't want to keep me as a secret? Wouldn't it be the other way around, if the sex is good they'd want to claim me?
Okay so there you go.. you have a flirty personality so that’s why these specific men categorize you a girl they only want to have sex with. Sorry I meant, if the sex was bad.. they would have redacted you being their little secret. Long sorry short, the sex was good to them and if you’re conventionally pretty, it’s a win win.. they get to keep having sex with a pretty girl on the down low and keep their option open. Once a sex object.. always one to them so don’t get your hopes up. Sex isn’t just what makes a relationship so you have to erase that from your mind, these men only want you for one thing and your flirting doesn’t help. It won’t help especially if you’re just meeting them and you flirt with them fast because once they know you can get them in that mood, that’s all they think about.
I'm sorry, I don't have a flirty personality. I meant that yes I have slept with the people that want me to be their secret. No I don't think I'm flirty when I meet them either. I'm just really nice to them and smile and stuff. But I don't make sexy jokes or wink or rub all over them when I meet them.
I know several girls that have gotten into relationships after one night stands. And I've been told older men are less likely to ghost... but it's been a week since he talked to me really. He kept me on social media and watches my stuff, but doesn't talk to me. Guess I got ghosted yet again. I even tried someone older. Something is definitely wrong with the way I have sex. :(
That may be the case but that isn’t your story nor narrative right now. You’re again looking at surface things and expected thing to work out in your favor because you’re pretty and nice, the world doesn’t work like that though. These type of men you’re dealing with are men.. older or younger.. if they want you just for sex and you’re willing to give it up.. they’re taking advantage of you and you’re letting them. Keeping you on his social media means nothing, he’ll likely hit you up again in the future but to have sex if you ever post anything that you look good in. You’re problem Is that you think sex should have them stay.. these type of men will get sex from anywhere so saying they are leaving cause it was probably bad is wrong. Instead of sleeping with different men, work on yourself and build a stronger mindset.. instead of having sex.. go out on dates with guys and not give it up.
None of then take me on dates tho.. and I'm not the type to chase men. I am not going to beg anyone to take me out.. I guess I'm embarrassing to be seen with. Maybe I'm fat or something. And what do you mean if I post something that looks good on social media, he'll ask to fuck me again?
And literally ALL have wanted me just for sex? Like, I have no luck. And I don't think he'll ask me for sex again since he is not talking to me. He said we definitely need to hang out again but that was a week ago and I still haven't heard anything so I guess I'll just give up
Reread the last response I sent, you just repeated everything I’ve already answered for you. I said you keep choosing these men and acting clueless.. about the dates part.. I said to find men who do. You can’t sleep around then expect respect because men aren’t gonna give it to you. Lastly, he is gonna ask you for sex, you literally just said he hit you up a week ago meaning in another 2 weeks.. he’s gonna ask to hang out meaning fuck. Hopefully you can focus on yourself and stop associating yourself with these men for validation.
You are really looking at all of the wrong things here. No matter what society tries to tell you, or what anyone else says. Anything that can start a new generation is not casual. Women are considered to be the ones that 'gate keep' this sacred act of sex, but they have allowed society to convince them to open the doors to anyone they find attractive. Men will take advantage of the opportunity, but at the back of their mind, they will never respect you because you are failing your sacred duty. Men see themselves as having the duty to spread their seed but they were supposed to earn, show, compete and actually be worthy of going through the gate. Thus any behavior from the man is due to a lack of respect for you which is sometimes subconscious.