Why would a guy you've known for years start acting different around you?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend that I've known for nearly 16 years. We've always been fairly close and able to talk about anything and everything.

A handful of years ago I went to see him and he acted really different. Rubbed my thigh, slapped my butt, complimented everything from my hair to my accessories, hugged me from behind, made passes that others noticed and commented on, and I woke up to him rubbing my arm. One night I went to the couch in the middle of the night and the next morning he asked why I slept there and said he "kinda thought I'd sleep in his bed with him."

He even asked me to an event with him and we had a lot of fun. I tried bringing it up and he got a bit weird about it, said we're friends, and we just acted like it never happened. We're still close, and he tells me I can confide in him and that he understands me.

I'm just confused. Why would he suddenly start being this way? I'm honestly not sure what I think, I guess I've never really thought about it until that point. Is this just being friendly or what's up with this?

Updates

5 mo

I decided to apologize for my flirting. While I realize I only did so because of the way he acted, I also know I was in a bad headspace. I was just out of an abusive relationship and wasn't thinking clearly. I reached out and told him I was sorry for the way I acted during that trip, and that I feel like that trip was when we became less close. I said I felt like the whole trip was just off. He responded and said it probably did affect it, but that it's in the past. I don't know what to think.

[Pοrnytail]

Guys more often say the bare truth, if you ask him, take it the way he answers. ﾠ

[_Maya_]

Hard to say but if he is a good friend ask him about it. My guess is that he regrets the physical touching and what I would take as him being flirty. He probably regretted it after and doesn't want it to ruin the friendship. I can kinda understand that. Sounds like things were going beyond that friendship into something else. He might have also been thinking he wanted more than a friendship and you didn't react the same way so he was a bit embarrassed about making those moves.

[Asker]

We're still good friends, but I'm definitely confused by it all. He's a really good guy, and I don't feel like there were bad intentions behind it like using me. It just shocked me, and things kept happening. I also walked in on him in his underwear and went to quick leave and he said I was fine to come in. I don't understand the butt slap or touching my thigh at all. And when I woke up to him rubbing my arm, he didn't know I was awake. Later that day he said he woke up really early. He didn't realize I had been awake, and that I now know he was awake when doing that. The leg thing was odd to. He was tracing the design on my pajama pants and acting intrigued by them. We were laying on his bed. I kept pulling the covers up and he'd pull them back down and start tracing and asking questions again. We've been friends for so long, I don't get why he would do that. And because of past abuse I've gone through, I get scared he just sees me as an object. We've shared so much with each other, that would really hurt.

[BadApple69]

I was friends for about 12 years will a girl. I have always liked her but in the last couple of years I have been starting to love her. Now, we are dating. She has always enjoyed my company so now... We enjoy a lot more. Sometimes we realize that what we are looking for is right in front of us.

[Asker]

You think he might like me? See the thing is, when we first became friends that thought crossed my mind. But as the years went on things just changed. I don't know that I could ever feel more than platonic. He's got a great personality and he's a good guy. I'm just not sure I could ever feel attracted to him. Not to mention that would change the friendship. I just wish we could've honestly talked out what happened.

[BadApple69]

Yes, I believe he wants more than a friendship. The girl that I'm dating now I know everything about her from years of knowing her. After knowing her for so long I just fell in love. I unlike your friend talked to her about it. Nothing happened for a while but then we were camping (which we have done for years) and we ended up making love. Now we are both very happy (I think lol)

[Asker]

Then why did he say we're just friends? Why act that way and then act like it didn't happen?

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know. If you try to talk to him about it and he acts weird. I don't know what to say. If you made a more overt move on him and he rejected it. Then the ball is in his court. Just be a good friend to him

[Asker]

We're still good friends, but I'm definitely confused by it all. He's a really good guy, and I don't feel like there were bad intentions behind it like using me. It just shocked me, and things kept happening. I also walked in on him in his underwear and went to quick leave and he said I was fine to come in. I don't understand the butt slap or touching my thigh at all. And when I woke up to him rubbing my arm, he didn't know I was awake. Later that day he said he woke up really early. He didn't realize I had been awake, and that I now know he was awake when doing that. The leg thing was odd to. He was tracing the design on my pajama pants and acting intrigued by them. We were laying on his bed. I kept pulling the covers up and he'd pull them back down and start tracing and asking questions again. We've been friends for so long, I don't get why he would do that. And because of past abuse I've gone through, I get scared he just sees me as an object. We've shared so much with each other, that would really hurt.

[Summeroflove]

Definitely I understand. I think you should tell him the things he does makes you uncomfortable. He shouldn’t be touching you like that without permission.

Tell him how you feel and tell him you worry he sees you as a object. I would hope he doesn’t have bad intent. But it is kind of weird stuff he’s doing

[Summeroflove]

Some people don’t have a sense of boundaries either. I don’t know what it is

[Asker]

I'd honestly rather be told to my face why he did it instead of acting like it never happened. I think the lack of conversation makes it worse because I've had that before and it meant I was being played. This is different because I've always seen him as a bff. It doesn't make sense to start acting that way after 15 years of friendship. That's never been how he is. We literally talk about everything, and we've both shared very personal things with each other. Every high and low we've been there for each other. That's how our dynamic has always been. That's why the other stuff really threw me off.

[Summeroflove]

I know but some people will never tell you. I wished he would tell you too. Unfortunately some people are like that. It’s weird to me too

[Summeroflove]

I mean if he caught feelings for you or whatever the case may be at this point. It’s better to just say it. He probably feels like pretending it didn’t happen will make it go away.

[Asker]

All in all it's beyond friend behavior, right? I've had things happen before where people are like "oh that's just friend behavior." Him being weird about it made me second guess a little. Like, did I interpret that wrong somehow? Lol. I'm pretty sure all of that can only be interpreted one way. The hard part is, I considered being more than friends a long time ago but we decided it was best to just be friends and just stayed close. Then when this happened I was shocked because I thought we agreed on friends. And the thing is, he's a great guy with an awesome personality. We've just always been platonic, like bffs. I don't find him unattractive, I'm just not really sure how I feel. I really value our friendship, and the thought of asking him why he did that scares me. It does bother me, tho.

[Summeroflove]

Sure sometimes people misinterpret signs. But. Yeah this is very strange behavior even creepy level.

[Summeroflove]

Whatever the case may be. He needs to be honest and talk about instead of acting weird. If he refuses to talk about it when you bring it up. That’s also weird

[sage2021]

Because he's been on social media and the crap they say to do to a wonan makes a guy think That's what she wants.
It's too late now. That damn social media reprogrammed your friends brain.

It happened to me too and that's how I know. I didn't even know him in the end because he changed so much and treated me so different. It didn't take long, but I fell out of love from the guy I knew until the weirdos reprogrammed his brain and he wasn't going to change back either.

[Horse-girl]

It definitely sounds like he likes you, I think he's probably had a crush on you for a while and is now acting on it but doesn't want to lose you as a friend if you don't feel the same way.

[ProbablyClueless]

Sounds like he finds you physically appealing, but not necessarily emotionally appealing.

[Asker]

So why would he act that way and then say we're just friends? I'd rather just have an honest conversation.

[ProbablyClueless]

I just told you; because he finds you physically appealing, but not emotionally appealing. He doesn't see you as a girlfriend.

[Asker]

Ouch. Then he shouldn't have acted that way. Now my feelings hurt and I question the entire friendship. What's the point of acting that way?

[ProbablyClueless]

Not sure... I feel like people do a lot of really clueless/braindead things like that. They just kinda do things without thinking.

[DreamLife7]

Friends with benefits bc you're convenient. Not a good thing by the way

[TheGuyYouCrave]

He knows he has to ask for his desires or perish without fulfilling or trying to fulfill them. But, ask him and let me know.

[Srose66]

He's interested in someone else.

[noohair]

He wants out of the friend zone.

[Asker]

That was my thought, but when I tried to talk to him about it he got all weird and said we're just friends. That's not friend behavior to me and I don't understand.

[noohair]

Well since I am not a shrink, I don't know. The male ego is weird and as fragil as an egg. that miight explain how he is navigation with what you see as weird. On the other hand, Most guys are clueless about how women ast also.

[cloud9vortex1234]

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