What are his intentions?

[Anonymous]

I’m 18 he’s 27 we met on the train because honestly I thought he was just starting out playing guitar trying to make it big in the subway and he played pretty good. I asked him for his instagram and he gave it to me then a big later he requested to follow me back I accepted I didn’t look at his followers or anything yet then he messaged me thanking me for showing support and I said ofc. I thought the conversation would end there but he asked for my age and what neighborhood I’m from and asked me to dinner at the time I was in a relationship so I rejected him but the small conversation I did have with him he seemed like wise in a way so I told him what happened between me and my ex because I felt like maybe I was overreacting well he was telling me I wasn’t and my ex was horrible and then he asked me to hang out at his place. For 27 his apartment doesn’t have much furniture and I mean his only job is playing music which isn’t entirely reliable. When I went over he was really touchy and was kissing me everywhere but previously I had gotten the idea he wanted to be friends because he said it and I asked him about it and he said that we are friends but that doesn’t mean he’s not really attracted to me. And I asked if it was friends with benefit type stuff but he didn’t want to call it that. He also said that he would date me but because I’m still upset about my ex he doesn’t want to make that move yet. I think he just wants to have sex I was stupid for going over but like it does seem like at some point he wanted to have a relationship. ( I’ll tell more details in the comments when it’s fit to tell certain details)

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, this is a tricky situation. Some red flags I'm seeing:

- Big age gap at your age could be a power imbalance thing for him.

- Inviting you over so quick and getting handsy makes it seem like he just wants physical.

- Apartment/job situation doesn't scream stability. Could be using charm and sympathy to get something casual from you.

At the same time, maybe he genuinely likes you and doesn't wanna rush a relationship till you heal. But his actions say different.

I'd be cautious. Keep him at arm's length for now - don't go over alone again so soon. See how he acts when things aren't headed in a physical direction right away.

Does he keep trying to connect or does he lose interest? Pay attention to see if he's really caring about you as a person. Protect your heart sis, don't get played! There are better dudes out there.

Stay safe and trust your gut. You seem cool - don’t settle for less than you deserve. Lmk if you need anything else, I got your back!

[Asker]

Hi, I appreciate your response and support so much :) so an update is I made it clear I didn't want to be touchy like that while not being in a relationship he seemed to ignore what I wanted so I just kept making excuses why I can't go over, he got frustrated and said to stop seeing each other I agreed and we lost contact for a week, he ended up texting me saying he would love to see me and I responded to the message where he said to stop seeing each other, I replied to it saying “that was all you” then he apologized and said he was frustrated. Within that week I kinda made a routine for myself and a relationship doesn't fit it soo Im gonna probably keep it as friends he can't text me if he wants but I'm not looking for nothing else

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey, that's real mature of you to know what you need and stand your ground like that. Props for not letting him pressure or confuse you.

It's smart to keep your own routine and priorities straight, especially since a relationship with him wouldn't fit right now anyway. Seems like he just wants what he wants without considering your feelings.

If he tries texting again, I'd be real clear you just wanna be friends - nothing more. And friends don't act like that, so he'll have to respect your boundaries if he wants to hang at all.

Don't be afraid to cut him off completely if he disrespects you again. You got way more important things goin on than dealing with games from some dude almost 10 years older.

Stand tall in who you are - you seem cool and level-headed, don't let anyone mess with that. Keep focused on you girl! You got this.

[Tim2nice]

He sees you and youthful prey. You’re so fresh and innocent and he’s been round the block. Tell him to stay away from you and stick to guys your age. You need to have fun and grow until you’re mature enough to know what you want

[st1nkella4]

hi! 💞

keeping the materialistic stuff aside~

if he did intend on going into a relationship w u, im 95% sure, it would be just for sexual purposes. considering you're way too young for this roadside musician, he is just trying to take advantage of your innocence.

he is aware that you're not over your ex boyfriend, so he isn't making any move cause he is aware of the rejection that is gonna slap his face.

so as a girl, what i'd recommend, and strongly advice :

1) pls never go over to someone's place so quickly, if you dont know each other so well.

2) a guy with pure intentions won't rush into the physical stuff, which he did.

3) there's a thin possibility this might be a rebound situation for you - AVOID IT PLEASE. it'll make you dependant on guys in order for you to move on. nuh-uh, thats not the way.

please be careful <3

[Asker]

Thank youu so much for your support <3 I did decide to keep away a rebound was nothing I wanted and Im not attracted to him at all so I told him I didn't want anything sexual since that's what he wanted he didn't take the hint rlly so I kept making excuses he got frustrated and said to stop seeing eachother I was completely fine with that, a week later he has come back apologizing but I'm not looking for another relationship so if he wants to text me he can but I'm leaving it at that

[Asimiv]

I agree with your conclusion of him only wanting sex (or friends with benefits). If he really wanted to date you, he wouldn't risk getting his heart broken knowing you're still not over your ex

[Asker]

Right and it was overall confusing and we lost contact cuz I made it clear I didn't want anything sexual he ignored that so I made excuses to not see him and he got frustrated and we lost contact

[Anonymous]

kinda seems like his intentions are purely physical and he took advantage of the situation of you being upset with your ex p. s I think it’s even weirder considering he’s 27.

[Asker]

Thats what I was thinking but I always hesitate to assume