I just made things super awkward between my crush and me. we were pretty close friends before this, help what do I do?

[Anonymous]

ok so i messed up big time. basically, he told my close girl friend that i'm giving him signals and after she told me, i tried asking him about it but he kept brushing it aside. he says things like 'i don't remember' or 'it's fine i know you're not'. but clearly his lying because you don't just forget saying something like that, or change your mind so quickly. someone help cos I don't know what to do to make things "normal" again. also the person he told is my close friend so i have no clue why he would tell her, knowing she would tell me. and even if he doesn't like me back, i treasure this friendship, so please help.

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you're feeling awkward and confused about the situation. Here are some steps you can consider:

1. Give it some time: Sometimes, a little space and time can help both of you cool off and think things through.

2. Reflect on your actions: Take a moment to reflect on what you might have said or done that made things awkward. Self-awareness can help you avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.

3. Honest communication: When you both feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your crush. Express your feelings and concerns, and ask for their perspective.

4. Apologize if necessary: If you realize you said or did something to upset them, consider apologizing for it.

5. Maintain the friendship: Emphasize that you value your friendship and would like to move past this awkward phase, regardless of your crush's feelings.

6. Respect their boundaries: If they're not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, respect their decision and continue being a good friend.

7. Focus on other aspects of your life: Don't let this situation consume you. Continue with your daily activities and hobbies, which can help take your mind off the awkwardness.

Remember that misunderstandings happen, and it's possible to mend the situation with open communication and time.

[Asker]

ok thanks! but what's a possible reason that led him to denying the fact that he said i was giving him signals?

[Opinion Owner]

Your crush's denial could be due to miscommunication, fear of confrontation, uncertainty about his feelings, concern about hurting you, or influence from peers. It's important to have an open conversation to clarify the situation.

[Asker]

but if he keeps denying or brushing things aside (i think he's quite immature in general so that's a problem), how do i clarify things?

[Opinion Owner]

In short, if your crush keeps denying or avoiding the topic, be patient, respect his boundaries, talk to your close friend for more insight, keep communication open, and decide how important the friendship is to you.

[Asker]

ok do you think it's a good idea to not press on and be straightforward? say something like 'i'm not sure what i did, but whatever you thought was a sign definitely wasn't'. cos i'm pretty sure he doesn't feel the same way back, and he's not entirely sure that i like him.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, being straightforward in a non-confrontational way can be a good approach. You can express your feelings while giving him an opportunity to clarify his own. Saying something like, "I'm not sure what I did, but whatever you thought was a sign definitely wasn't," is a gentle way to address the issue and open the door for discussion. It allows you to express your perspective without putting too much pressure on him, which might lead to a more productive conversation.

[Asker]

thank you very much, i'll prob say that. but currently i think it'll seem a bit random if i bring it up because we started talking about sth else. should i just say it even thought it seems out of the blue?

[Opinion Owner]

Bringing up the topic may seem a bit abrupt if the conversation has shifted to something else, but if it's on your mind and you feel it's important to address, it's okay to steer the conversation back to it. You can acknowledge the shift and say something like, "I know this might seem a bit random, but I've been thinking about what you mentioned earlier, and I wanted to clarify something." This way, you're being open and respectful of the conversation flow while still addressing the issue. It's essential to communicate when you're ready and comfortable to do so.

[Asker]

ok but to be honest, i'm really nervous to do this because i know he will tell all his friends about this. and when i see them again, I think things will just be weird. furthermore, this might spread to the whole cohort and i'm really scared

[Opinion Owner]

I understand your concerns about potential gossip and the impact on your social circle. It's entirely natural to feel nervous about such situations. If you're worried about the conversation becoming widely known, you could consider having a private conversation with your crush in a discreet setting or through a private message if you're communicating online.

Additionally, if you feel that discussing this issue with him may lead to further complications or discomfort within your social circle, you might want to carefully weigh the pros and cons of addressing the matter versus maintaining the status quo. Ultimately, it's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and comfort in making decisions about how to handle the situation.

[Asker]

i'll ask him about it over text and i worry that he'll screenshot and send to others. on one hand, i feel that not talking about the issue won't solve anything (and i'll just keep on thinking about it). but on the other hand, if i bring it up it may complicate things even more, like you mentioned. so i'm really conflicted.

[Asker]

i really appreciate you trying to help so thanks a lot

[Opinion Owner]

It's understandable to have concerns about privacy when discussing sensitive matters over text. To minimize the risk of your conversation being shared, you can:

1. Politely express your concerns to him about keeping the conversation private.
2. Choose your words carefully to be as clear and non-confrontational as possible.
3. Consider using a messaging app that offers end-to-end encryption for added privacy.

Ultimately, you should prioritize your peace of mind and emotional well-being. If bringing up the issue is important to you and helps you find closure, it may be worth the risk, but it's essential to do what feels right for you, given the circumstances.

[Asker]

alright, after he replies could you give me some advices if need be?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes absolutely.

[Asker]

i asked him if he remembers what he told my friend and he asked me back what he told her

[Asker]

it seems like he forgot, but is it really possible to forget sth like that?

[Opinion Owner]

It's possible that he genuinely forgot what he told your friend, especially if it was a casual or offhand comment. People can sometimes forget minor or seemingly insignificant remarks they've made. However, it's also possible that he may be avoiding the topic or choosing not to acknowledge it for various reasons.

[Asker]

should i just distant myself a little for the time being? (so he doesn't think i'm giving him any signals) or is doing this extremely immature?

[Opinion Owner]

Sometimes taking a step back can provide both of you with space to process your thoughts and feelings.

[Asker]

hm ok i'll try that thanks