Feeling creeped out by this new guy at work what should I do?

[Anonymous]

So last week a new guy started at work but seems to follow me around a lot and seems to be very eager to walk with me after work. Yesterday I purposefully took my time putting my shoes on in the ladies bathroom after work so he wouldn’t see me after work. Apparently he was running looking for me and asking other colleagues where I was. He is also much older me and asks strange questions like asking for number for places to stay so he can move into the city centre.

[abc3643]

There must be some reason about YOU that he made himself your puppy.
However, in a way, his behavior is not all that uncommon...
When someone is in a new situation in life - like they've moved or started a new job - it is human nature to try and connect with someone who has more experience. That person is a "newbie" who learns from the more experienced person, the "mentor" or "veteran". Being a newbie can make one feel rather vulnerable so the newbie will often reach out to someone who he or she can feel safe with. Very often, that's a female because, by default, females are less threatening than males. This is especially so at an instinctive level with men who do not ever want to show a sign of insecurity or weakness to other males. In this sort of situation, the newbie male definitely feels safer with a female mentor almost like a little kid to a mother.

So, his hovering around you may seem creepy and it may be motivated by an attraction, but there is the possibility that he is something of a desperate newbie. Consider that, sometimes, older people have a rougher time even finding a job. When you've been unemployed for a long time (I know - I have), you are a bit desperate to make sure that you don't screw up and this new job you just found.

[Asker]

I’m not sure how talking about work translates into interest my responses are dry and short as well

[abc3643]

That's irrelevant to what I said.

Again, this is just a hypothesis, but think about like this: If you are out to see without a boat, you're in trouble, but if you can find a buoy, at least you can get to it and stop drifting. Since he is new in your workplace, you may be his buoy, for now.

However, if you have a real issue with him, then discuss this with HR.

[ManOnFire]

Yeah, that is kind of weird. The way he follows you and stuff, do you think it's based in an actual attraction to you? Or does he maybe feel more comfortable connecting with you than others at the job? Like he feels like you're a safe person to be around, but maybe he just overdoes it. I've had some co-workers like that before too.

[Asker]

Yeah but does he have to walk with me after work it’s a bit creepy since he’s much older than me the other guys don’t do this at work

[Asker]

He wanted me to look for rooms for him there is another guy from Africa there he could of asked instead of me

[ManOnFire]

True point. I would say his intentions might not be good especially by asking you to look for rooms. That seems hella weird. I would say talk to your manager about him, cuz it's beyond just basic co-worker-likes-other-co-worker.

[Jazzy54]

If you’re concerned about your safety, speak with your supervisor about it.

[Asker]

See the thing is I’m not sure how talking about work translates into interest and he’s super forward like asking for room numbers and including my place

[adam6402]

Yeah this is a bit weird but it's could just be a clash of cultures. You said he's from Africa and doesn't speak very good English so he might not realize that his behaviour is being viewed as creepy and making you uncomfortable.

Either let him know how you feel about him, or tell HR that you don't feel comfortable around him and ask if they can have a word with him.

[Texaskid1]

Stop flirting with him.

Tell him you have a husband / boyfriend.

Tell him you are a lesbian.

[Asker]

I’ve only talked about work with this guy I already have a boyfriend that I live with I don’t even know this guys name

[Joker_]

@Worst quit harassing this poor lady, she and I have had enough of your torment!

[Worst]

Shit lol is this regan

[Joker_]

yeah lol

[Worst]

Damn lol is it this bad

[Joker_]

yeah lol so we decided to fire her

[Worst]

Good choice lol I hated that bitch

[Joker_]

yeah lol she's a rat and she doesn't read books

[Worst]

Yeah lol fat hoe

[Joker_]

yeah the years are really gonna catch up to her, if you don't first

[Worst]

lol...

[Sunnybeach123]

I'm sorry. Yuck.

[Asker]

It’s so weird I’m not sure how talking about work translates that I’m interested in him. I don’t even know the guys name and his English isn’t great as he just moved from Africa

[Sunnybeach123]

It might be wishful thinking on his part

[Asker]

He’s from Africa I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s after the UK visa 🤣