How guys "flirt" with women in public places?

[Anonymous]

I recently had a massive "glow" up, and I am not very used to getting attention when going by myself to do personal activities. I'm used to go by myself to get some coffe, do shopping, walk by, go to the gym but before honestly I felt invisible yet in peace. Now I just try to flow along it and go my way but I feel weird when out of now where guys start chatting or stare directly and walk closer. Maybe is just that i'm not used to this.

Would appreciate insight from men, on how guys usually flirt when they see a woman. By the details mentioned is this considered "normal"? Thanks in advance.

[JoePro_]

Please read my whole spiel. I do offer some advice along the way.

BUT you might have picked the wrong era for a glow up, and hoping that men would now flirt with you. I think it's difficult in our modern world for guys to flirt because of metoo and modern man-hating feminism. The chances of HR being involved, or cops being called, or whatever. Just way too high. Even if the person tattling wasn't part of the conversation, people just love sticking their nose into other people's business, making things out to be something they weren't, etc.

That said, while there might be one or two guys in your city who might still outright flirt with you, for the majority of men you might have to look for more subtle signs that are more equivalent with "niceness" than "flirting".

Compliments about superficial things (hair, clothing, etc). Compliments about internal things (intelligence, humor, etc). Buying you coffee or lunch. When he has nothing to do, just wanting to hang with you, be in your presence, even if you're both on your phone. Making plans that might involve you, like you both talk about a moving coming out that you both want to see, and him then saying, "Maybe we could go together."

The list of things that could just be him being nice or being your friend is endless but could also mean he's interested in you.

If you want to use your glow up to your advantage, hoping it might help you land a guy you're interested in, I'd say follow the niceness trail, and reciprocate the niceness. If he says something nice, say something nice back. If he "sort of" offers to do something outside of work/school/whatever, say "Yeah, that sounds like it would be fun! Just let me know when." Don't let him hang, but reciprocate the same energy or same ideas back.

That's my best advice, based on who I am and the types of guys I know. If a girl has positive energy, and she's engaged with what we're saying, etc... It's easy for us to want to see her as more of a relationship girl than just a friend. You're partnering with us in the "friend" experience, and then we can see you in the "more than friend/girlfriend" experience after that.

Now, if you're talking about totally random strangers, you might need to be braver and initiate more, because (as I said) men are more careful nowadays. So, if a guy compliments you out in the wild, you don't have the same amount of time to get to know him as (say) someone at work. So, if he compliments you, and you're interested, quickly check his ring finger if possible, and then respond to his compliment with a compliment, and then ask him if he'd be interested in taking you out for lunch or coffee some time.

Women are (mostly) going to hate this, because they feel like men should be initiating, but I'm telling you, men (mostly) aren't initiating anymore because of sexual harassment accusations. As such, you will need to be a little bolder if you're interested in someone.

And as men, we know that it's a numbers game. At some point, someone we ask out is going to say yes. It might be 1 in every 3 for the most attractive dudes, it might be 1 in every 100 for the lesser attractive dudes. But for women, your odds are better, because while women generally only date up (a guy who's a 4 won't typically land a girl who's a 7, she's going for someone who's a 7 or better), guys are usually willing to date down a little for the right girl (so a girl who's a 5 can land a guy who's a 7 half the time, so long as she seems cool).

So, let's say your glow up puts you at a 6 or 7, unless a guy is married or already dating someone, I guarantee that just about any guy you ask, "Will you buy me a coffee some time?" will be like "I'd love to!"

Your choice on how you'd like to handle all those interactions though. That's the best I've got. Best of luck to you! Glad for your glow up and that you're feeling better about who you are, and about the skin you're in and all that. :)

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your detailed and kind response. I feel happy, and think this might just be a new chapter in terms of learning to have self-awareness of this subtle change in social interactions.

[Anonymous]

The same thing happened to me, except its mostly just staring, especially if I am wear something like a cut off.