If men don’t care about a woman’s career should I just never bring it up on dates? Should I even just quit my job and pretend I’m stupid?

[Anonymous]

For real though. I’m a software engineer and I love what I do but anyway I wonder if I should quit because apparently it’s not attractive to men and I want to be married. Is it unattractive if a girl is smart and talks about things she loves to do?

Updates

2 mo

Maybe I need clarification. Are guys just saying they don’t really take into consideration the “prestige” of a woman’s job when deciding to date her? It’s not that they don’t care if she has things going for her but rather there are other values they consider above the career?

[Flatmanlewis]

First, no. Don’t quit your job or change a thing about you. A good woman will attract a good man regardless of her level of income or employment. Key component of that being two good people. Good woman. Good man.


A career cannot replace her feminine qualities.




I have a few very professionally & successful female friends who frequently like to say (or at least believe) they are single because men are intimidated by a woman who is successful. This is a huge lie they tell themselves. Men are not intimidated by a woman’s career. The personality these friends of mine developed to be very successful is strong, direct, A-type personality, and they lack the tenderness and attractive qualities a man seeks in a woman. Their boldness, hyper-focus on wining conflict, and frequent inability to turn off the controlling aspects of their decision making process is the problem - not their money, status, or title.


A good women, by the male metric, can be making $250,000 a year or $25,000. Looks, compatibility, life goals, and personality matter much, much, more than income. The more the man makes the more irrelevant her income becomes.



Just be aware that almost no man has ever put his woman’s career on the top of the list of things he’s looking for in a wife.

[handsomelad70]

You SHOULD mention your career (especially if you're a babe), so a man can't pigeon hole you as a dumb Barbie sort of gal.

[Finchie40]

I don’t really care about a women’s career , I mainly care if she is a beautiful person with a good heart and good personality and has good morals , her career doesn’t really matter to me , what matters is she is capable of taking care of herself , and not expecting me to take care of her , I want a partner not a mooch. So her career or job has nothing to do with why I was interested in her in the first place , Her beauty and her personality is what I was attracted to first , Sadly most girls’ don’t think like guys’ do , most girls’ look for a guy that has a great paying job that can support her , that’s a girl I will have no interest in , if my career was one of the first reasons she was attracted to me in the first place , So I decline girls’ that expect me to fully provide for them , Jobs come and go , so I want a partner that stands by my side no matter what obstacles we face together , Basically I have her back the same way I want her to have mine , Not a girl that is just using me for her benefit

[Jessica405]

No! Don't quit! My guy and I used to work together on the same IT project. There are plenty of guys who like an independant girl with some intelligence.

[HelpfulWoman]

why are you wanting that?
boys are insecure about you having a job.
real men won't be.

[Nick_Halden]

Intelligence is attractive. I want to find a woman who is willing to be a housewife. If that means she has been raised by a similar mother and has curated such skills and finds beauty in the mundane, embracing her feminine -- brilliant. But if she has put her energy into pursuing a career, whilst still having longings for a family, simply because she is ambitious and wants to use her mind, being capable while she is waiting to find her man, also great.

I want someone who is passionate and joyful. No those is not a "do what makes you happy" advice here... Life requires sacrifice. But, if someone is turned off by your passion for something you love perhaps they are not the one for you.

I would suggest, if you want to be attractive to a man, do things on the side that tap into your femininity and embrace that more intuitive, softer side in your every day life, the side that pursues and curates beauty and peace for it's own sake. If you run into a healthily masculine man, he will be comfortable in his own skin, know how to lead, and you will most likely naturally be more comfortable being more feminine around him.

I will say this though... to be successful in business requires more dominant and masculine traits. It is highly dependent on what you do, and I wouldn't know, but I'd imagine that would be a hard thing to turn off.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

Basically it doesn't matter. No you do not need to play stupid or quit but don't try to use it as a selling point.

Once you develop a relationship he will likely be happy you have something going for you but it will never be a prime reason he will date you.

If I get comfortable with someone, I could care less if they are a barista at Starbucks, a McDonald's cashier or a CEO of any company.

As long as I find her compatible with me and we compliment each other in a relationship and aren't full of trauma and drama her employment will never be what influenced me to date her.

[TenderFantasy]

If she was a workoholic or worked more than 40 hours per week that she doesn't have much time to date you. Deal breaker or not?

[spartan55]

No, you are completely missing the point. It's not the job title, or the intelligence, or anything like that. It's the attitude that tends to go along with it.

[Asker]

That’s comforting. I definitely don’t have an attitude or think I’m superior. I’m pretty chill and nice.

[spartan55]

I'm certainly not saying ALL high achieving women are like that. The main issue with it is women believe it increases their value to men, and it doesn't.

[spartan55]

Re: your update, exactly what I said in my second reply.

[tzdc21]

No one is saying for you to quit your job and acting stupid is not gonna get you anywhere. It's just that when you lead into it, it's just something guys don't put much stock into. They may think that's great for you, but it won't get them hard. You can talk about it, but don't lead with it.

[Mr_twoface]

Don't give up anything for any man. A real man will like you for whom you are regardless of your career. In fact, many men love when a woman is independent and have a life of her own. You my dear might have met the wrong men, their is plenty of fish in the ocean, so seek elsewhere for the right man.

Best of luck!

[Lionman95]

No, don´t pretend your stupid if you´re well educated. Because a woman that has something to talk about is always more interesting than a woman that just listens. The issue is rather that from a guy´s point her career is less attractive in terms of what she makes and so on. If your work is something you love or like to do talk about it. But your work is probably not going to be the reason someones dates you unless he´s also a software engineer.

[Lionman95]

To your update speaking for myself I would say yes.

[RebelinSteel]

Working and intelligence is attractive, zero chance I want a wife that is not working and independent enough to pursue her own career.

[BonzoInBitburg]

It's actually refreshing that you like your job. What you do is less important than how it makes you feel. Successful women don't seem as happy as a barista for example so a guy would chose a barista simply because she's happier

[Anonymous]

You can bring it up. When we say we don't care we just mean we don't care what kind of job you work or how much you're making.

"Should I just quit my job and pretend to be stupid" I don't like stupid girls and I would wonder what you do all day if you dont have a job. At that point the only thing I would be interested in is sex.

[Vegasrunner]

Your update is correct it's not thar we don't care it's just that your career has no value for us. Guys don't brag to other guys about their woman's career but women will happily brag about their man's carrer

[goaded]

Just say you work in an office. If they assume you're a secretary, dump them. Don't tell me there aren't software engineers who are interested in you.

[genericname85]

you should do what works for you. and if bragging about how oh so independend and career oriented you are doesn't get you guys, maybe you may wanna reconsider that.

[Ironic_Method]

Imagine being in a relationship where bringing up your job as a software engineer would be a bad thing. Definitely bring it up. If it's unattractive, then you saved yourself time and energy.

[handsomelad70]

It's good if a gal is bright, but we boys look at what's on your head and in your bra first. The rest comes when we get to know you as more than a body.

[argot]

Clearly you don't need to pretend to be dumb. That comes naturally to you.

[Jackblue]

I admit it can be a little intimidating to guys if you have a more lucrative job than them. It makes them feel unworthy.

[Jackblue]

But I don't encourage you to quit your job absolutely not, you just need to find a man who either doesn't care or who is even more successful than you.

[Booklover_90]

Of course you shouldn’t! The right man will come along. 😊

[KrakenAttackin]

Would you be willing to date/marry a man who is a welder, carpenter, or plumber?

[OddBeMe]

Who told you that? Your bubble must be one fucked up right wing part of town.

[Nikki1989]

Don't give up anything for man.