What does it mean when a guy says he doesn't want to lead you on but wants to make you happy and he can't let me go?

[Anonymous]

likei tried breaking things off but he argued me back to pull me back in but constantly says he doesn't want to lead me on i think he is a narc , and i have been loved bombed for past 2 years we aren't even in a relationship but one day he wants to break it off but when i agree he gets mad

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's screwing around with your affections.

I recognise the situation, it means you've had too many fights over time and he's wondering if he should leave the relationship but still feels love for you.

there's two possiblities:

1) He will realise his love is stronger than the fights you've had and make up with you and regret saying or speaking of leaving
2) You will fight again, before he's recovered and he will try to break up with you and succeed.

I can't say I know which outcome is ever best. The way I figured it out to get my ex-gf was living together with her for 3 years of relative hell until I realised we where in a bad cycle of fights and make up sex. Realised I couldn't honestly say I didn't love her (then) and decided to lie to her and say I realised I never really loved her (because I saw that as the only way to break the bad cycle). I feel it was the right choice, but I disliked having to lie to her. I explained later that it was a lie that spoke to a greater truth. I'm glad, she's now with a new boyfriend and I'm happy with that because he truly loves her and in a way I would never be able to sustain against how she is. This might speak more to my own personal weaknesses than right or wrong.

So, yeah. Work out if your in some predictable cycle like I found myself, give it the time that your love/relationship deserves to figure out where your at. Then, if you have to, lie to end a bad cycle (hate to give that as advice, because lying is never right... unless, like I say, it speaks to a greater truth, meaning there is loving someone, and there is 'being good for someone' and if you love them but KNOW your bad for them, for whatever reason. Its fair to say you don't love them when you still do. in my opinion.

[Asker]

i give him his space and he drunk texted me last night and is telling me how much of a good woman i am this morning and saying its hard to not be around me , i responded calmly i dont want to give in i really want him to realize what he messed up with.

[Opinion Owner]

In one way thats instructive, because people drunk often do more what they would really wish to do (so thats a positive indicator), but unfortunately drinking tends to lead to an inital high then to a depressive state (so it might be the depressive state making him see more warmly your presence as well).

On the whole, I'd say there's more positive than negative and hopefully he will feel the same when he's sober again :).

Best of luck.

[lightbulb27]

Seen that more than once. I dont know about narcissistic with just the above. Id say broken hearted child that saw relational stress and divorce… his viee of love is division from examples he saw or he was abused emotionally bynothers such that his self worth is low. So when comes to ‘being the man’… he's confused… can't go fwd… but hurts to leave. Probably has trouble making decisions.
Now if he had no dad and mom was weak to his power… he learned to use chicks and dis nit get disciplined then yes, may be narc. That be more ‘self loathing’ feel where hed intentionally go fing with you and hurt you. I dont sense that… but maybe… kinda can look the same.
Seek help because you are in trouble. It ain't that hard to figure out. If need kore lmk. Getting iut if the fix can be some work cause that is ‘you’ stuff.

[Asker]

no u really hit it on the nail on , he even said he maybe a narcisst so i believe it just my first time dealing with this yes he seen his mom struggle with his dad has 20 kids so just imagine and yes he is always confused not ambitious just talks and looks to use women for money but not me he spends money on me and pays my bills and when i tell him im done he gets upset and I've also walked away from him for three months he called me 50 times for me to answer says he doesn't want anyone else to have me and i just realized more and more he is just very insecure

[lightbulb27]

I'm glad to hear, I generally have a good feel for these issues having experience.
I'm not qualified to diagnose narcissistic spectrum... just to be clear. From my understanding... narcissists don't think they are that way. Someone introspecting like that, I'd think the label doesn't apply. Narc have self loathing which comes out on others intentionally as they bring others down below them.
He has more heart and care... I think... but is in fear of commitment... probably thus avoidant.. lookup avoidant personality, and thus difficulty with real vulnerability and intimacy. That would explain using women vs being a man and leading out of love. That "model" fits. That is not the "real" him but the broken one resulting from the training/abuse he got and what he learned about himself... probable lack of self worth, self image damaged. My experience by way of life, not studies.

[lightbulb27]

Since you've got a sense of his childhood, it helps he's open. All this can be sorted out so that he can get his life and "manhood" back, but it's work... hard work that he must own and let nothing stop him. That would be... love a woman (you), build a family. The issue is his training and reference point for that is messed up, as he grew through development stages of childhood, there's damage, lies, trauma which remains in control. The solution is recognizing what was "normal" to him was brokenness, opening up those wounds and healing with love over time. Developing new models of relationship and healthy patterns. Repetition of that. That be life til new stability achieved.

[lightbulb27]

H'ed have to hear that, recognize the truth in it or just accept and make the "plunge"... that you are on his side... and take on the challenge of fixing himself. Most people... do not want to open up the wounds and don't even remember them. They operate under the wounds. Each has to be uncovered and each resolved back to love and freedom.
That's it... that's how it works. Anything else, and it's just a tough fight for you as you discovered... e. g you won't be in your rightful place to get the love and emotional support you need, the intimacy you desire... and you'll suffer. If he accepts his challenge, then can start talking solution approaches. Simple stuff is... watch some videos, read books, journal... start getting the junk out and undersatnding. Emotional healing... that's hard. As I said, it's not easy... it's another job.

[lightbulb27]

This is fun stuff for me. let me know what you need. I like to see people get better and get their life back. As well, I know... it's difficult to change, but it's never too late. you two just getting started in life. Sometimes people don't even see the problem til 70yrs old.

[Asker]

hey i tried requesting so i can inbox you personally cause i have more things i would like u to shed light on for me

[lightbulb27]

ok. you have to follow me and me you I think. I have no way to do that when you are anon.

[PeachyPie93]

Could be he is just keeping you an option until he finds something better or he could be scared to commit. You never really know with guys that fuck around like this, but if he isn't willing to commit after 2 years he doesn't really love you because most men would want to lock you down if they had any fear of losing you but clearly he doesn't.

[Asker]

yeahh he said he's scared to commit

[Asker]

also his grandma just passed and we are talking i feel bad

[Asker]

he told mee he wanted to marry me within time he just has to trust me and i also feel like my looks run men off like they are insecure but i was all for him he just I don't know

[PeachyPie93]

I really am not sure about guys like this. I had a friend I was in love with he would constantly tell me he loved me but couldn't commit because of being hurt by other girls (cheating and other things) he wasn't ready to open up to those feelings again. We would talk everyday and he was sweet, nice, and would compliment me for the most part but when I would ask him things like do you really want to be with me. He would say mean shit like well if I could I rather be with Mortisha from the Addams family but that isn't reality so you will do. Then I found out he was still sleeping with other girls. I got mad told him I don't want to try to make him my boyfriend anymore, he got mad that I went looking for what he was up to and blamed me. And he didn't care I stopped talking to him, he even said go I don't give a fuck and we haven't talked in over a year. Its really crazy because I had feelings for him for so many years lol So you never know what these types of guys are up to or thinking, and too be honest I don't think they are worth the time.

[Asker]

yeah he isn't but i went away for 3 months and he blew my phone upppp i kept letting him go do what he wanted to and he kept coming back

[PeachyPie93]

I don't know personally it is up to you. Not sure what these guys want but 2 years is defo enough time that he should know.

[Pinay_ako]

Huge red flag. He doesn’t want you but he doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. He wants to keep you on a leash just in case he can’t find another victim. He keeps you around, entertain you a little bit until he gets bored. Run away, change your name and just forget this guy! He doesn’t want you at all!

[Account]

Ηe is manipulative, toxic and he thinks he has got you wrapped around his finger.

[boggboss]

This is some low level manipulation he wants to keep u around but make it seems like u are not a option when that's all u are

[Asker]

wow ok n i said that to him and he's trying to deny it thank you

[provokeesmokee]

Lol, he just told on himself. He is a narcissist and he is trying to keep you when you are drawing a boundary.

Leave.

[Asker]

yessss !

[SunnyRS]

There is a simple solution for that, if you feel that this relationship can't work you should break it off, even if he feels mad about it, you can move on from that.
But just break it off with him by telling him not by radio silence or ghosting, it doesn't work I have tried.

[naartjie]

Means he’s a fool and thinking with his head… not his actual head.
Cut him off and don’t waste your time. I’ve wasted years on guys like that and I regret it. They won’t change and they definitely won’t change for you.

[ProbablyClueless]

I've known a few guys who pull stuff like that. I don't think it's a narcissism thing though, because the guy is being very honest about what he can't give you.

The guy enjoys doting on you, but he doesn't want a relationship with you. I would think a narcissist would try to be your everything.

[Mariena_Anne92]

He’s just wasting your time and using you for his own needs. When he get better option he will eventually leave. Been there. Trust me. When the guy said he wasn’t ready believe him and just run

[bobby_bush_eater]

That sounds exactly like he's leading you on but keeping you to the side as his back up. Run from that shit, you don't need it and anything good from a guy like that won't last

[Anonymous]

✂️

Cut ties for him. He's going to drag it out forever as he won't himself. Thet would drive me crazy.

[Purpleronnie]

Seems to me he is playing games keeping you where he wants to. Mixed signal and messages , I’m surprised you can tolerate that

[KittygosMeoWW]

Ew lol he’s leading you on to hold on for bare minimum

[OtterMan68]

Sounds like he's immature and doesn't really know what he wants

[David94358]

He doesn't want to commit but still wants to keep you around probably just for sex

[Asker]

he does a lot for me pays bills takes care of me go out on dates not really about sex

[David94358]

you guys dont have sex?

[Asker]

yes but i dont really invite him over my house like that maybe once or twice a week but we go on dates often and its not any sex after...

[jahaims]

He is immature and will string you along

[lightbulb27]

This is very succinct fact... unless he decides to work on himself and take the plunge emotionally as described above.

[Asker]

yeah now he is drunk texting me

[JayBones]

It means he is using you for his need, does not care about yours. He is also telling you this in code so he can do so without feeling guilty.

[Squatting_Slav]

He likes you but not enough to commit because he has options

[Djaay]

Sure seems as if No one understands others now days.

[Anonymous]

that's toxic , and he's playing games , just leave

[Djaay]

That's NOT toxic and it's not a game. All it means is he's open to your decision to be with him without putting pressure on you. Jeeeze...

[Anonymous]

Nah don’t waste your time ! Keep that guy as a friend or just move on. Trust what a guys says there is no hidden meaning to it

[TM_KO_AF]

mean u needa cut him
a little slack
if u want him coming back
😉👉

[spartan55]

And yet you still put up with his bullshit.

[laly520]

he is a narc
move on n cut ties

[KrakenAttackin]

He wants to keep his fuck buddy.

[Asker]

we dont fuck often is the crazy part lol

[Asker]

but i see what u saying

[Lara_Croft]

Psycho

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like you