Is it true that all conventionally attractive men only want sex and not committed relationships?

[AmyHew1tt]

So I was talking to a guy I recently met, and he complained that the only women who ever approach him are ones looking for casual sex, and when he does try to suggest a relationship, they get antsy and draw away, or assume he's a liar and a cheater.

I kind of looked at him sideways because he's a very conventionally attractive guy, and in my experience, if they can have a bunch of girls, they're going to want a bunch of girls, and not limit themselves to one. So I suppose he must be the exception to the rule, but it made me wonder:

How many of you guys have had this problem? Where you want something serious but you only seem to attract the casual, fast kind of girl.

[MrOracle]

It's overwhelmingly true. Are there rare exceptions? Of course - but even with those exceptions, the men can demand the most attractive women and get them, because they have endless options to choose from.

I've known dozens of VERY good-looking guys over 40 years DJing, working in and around the music business, etc. I can only think of one who was even interested in a relationship, and that one guy STILL only considered the most attractive girls as potential relationship partners. All the other guys had plenty of women and never had any need to commit to one - for that matter, several of them dated (which of course means slept with) multiple women at a time, and the women were aware this was happening and were okay with it because they preferred to share a hot guy rather than date a more average guy.

Hot guys are already pretty rare, but hot guys that are "relationship men" are INCREDIBLY rare, and are still able to have very high standards themselves.

This is why it's important to have a REAL, *grounded in reality* idea of what your level really is, and how your decisions, behavior, and outside forces such as time, affects your level. Your best results are going to come by pursing someone at your level, and by doing so when your level is at or close to its maximum. This is NOT what most people do today, and that's why relationships are in such a terrible state, and why so many people today can't even find a relationship.

Everyone's actions and decisions are going to have consequences, whether you like it or not, and whether you admit it or not. You can only control your looks to a certain extent - some of it is going to be genetics - but you can control almost everything else. If you make decisions that are overly selfish or that deny the harsh reality of the world, you will suffer the consequences, just like me and everyone else. Men are at LEAST as subject to the world's harsh realities as women are, and often more, because women have lots of safety nets and social support that men lack.

The good news is that if you are wise with your actions and decisions, you tend to get good results. That doesn't mean you'll get the Instagram lifestyle with the hot guy or girl, and the mansion and yacht and private jet - that's fantasy for nearly everyone - but you have a FAR better chance of having a quality, respectful, reliable, and cooperative relationship. If you chase the fantasy, you're likely to end up with little or nothing but emotional baggage.

[AmyHew1tt]

That is what it seems. It would be great if we could control what we were attracted to though, lol.

[MrOracle]

You actually can. You just have to accept that you'll NEVER, EVER get what you want from those hot guys, and remind yourself WHY. Essentially, you have to de-program yourself from the lies that you get from the media and largely from other women (who rarely have your best interests in mind, because they see you as competition, or at least, someone who can join them in their own misery).

It will take some time - your brain won't change overnight - but it WILL change. Keep reminding yourself of what's REALLY important - the man's morals, values, and life-goals - and why those things are so important, and why you'll never get those things from the hot guys. At first, you will want to reject those thoughts - and your friends and the media will do their best to push you back the other way, but every day, your new ideas will gain strength and your old programming will get weaker.

[AmyHew1tt]

Eh, I have tried. Doesn't seem to work for me. Oddly enough, I've found my preferences becoming more solid since staying way from social media.

[MrOracle]

It's not odd at all - social media is the primary source of people's unrealistic standards and entitlement - with the mainstream media following closely behind. It makes complete sense that by avoid the social media toxicity and spending more time in the real world, that your values and grounding in reality is going to improve.

[AmyHew1tt]

No, I mean, my standards have raised more and become more specific since staying from social media. Maybe it's because most of the guys I see are not good-looking, I'm not sure. It's weird for sure.

[MrOracle]

Well, they're not going to be good-looking compared to who you see in the media, which are mostly top 2% or so. If that is your standard for looks, you are likely to have big problems, because those are the guys who just want sex.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I really think it's a matter of ethics and values growing up.

Most people seem to assume that the natural way of a man who can sleep with any woman he wants is to sleep with as many women as he wants. I would claim that's the *unnatural* view most divorced from our evolutionary and indigenous past.

Because if a man acted like that under the primitive settings in which we spent the bulk of our evolution, he would end up leaving so many women behind on their own to raise their offspring being so allergic to commitment and that would be detrimental to the survival of the offspring which carry his genes.

So the most natural way for even the most desirable of men to be as I see it is a devoted father and protector and provider of his family. Too many people seem to have forgotten this these days in the age of densely-populated environments, skyscrapers, online dating, modern birth control.

Not saying natural is right, but this is a counter-argument for the people who claim that it is natural for a top dog type of man to sleep with as many women as he can and avoid all commitment outright.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Polygyny is something that does appear to occur naturally throughout our history, especially among top men like chieftains of a tribe. They will tend to take multiple wives. Yet they're still committed to them and their children as required to optimize survival of their families. For a man to be allergic to commitment to the families he abandons is, at least in the most natural settings, on the cusp of committing genetic suicide.

[AmyHew1tt]

I'd thought of that too, and yeah, it seems a bit counterintuitive.

[4ngelic]

most fuckboys are hot, though really dont think the vast majority of hot guys are like that. like the number of cute guys since middle school i've seen actually date girls truly and have feelings for them...

honestly i think even the average hot fboy would want a relationship if he catches feelings for a girl. most of them pause or end their hoe phases when they fall for a girl

[LazerBean]

Of course not. People are not more or less likely to be hoes based on their looks, but rather based on how they were raised and what their values are. The percentage of men who only want sex is going to be about the same throughout the categories of ugly, average, and attractive.

[aceleon]

girl male biological sexuality for all animals that are not insects is polygyny (since we don't have any limitations with our breeding, the amount of child we can sire is depends of how many womans we mate not like human girls who can only have 1 guy's kid even if she mates with 1000 guy at the same night) so as what lays in your biology comes to surface when you have the opportunity, average or lesser guys can't reach many woman so they cope with this by i want 1 girl that is top notch (which is a feminine trait cause this is female desire not male, their desperation emasculates them into this mindset) but guys who can reach many girls has no such thing, only exceptions would be emotional guys or has high moral delusions.

[Bricealan]

Well, I'm the 'odd man out' on this one. I had a SO for many years, a woman I worked with at the DMV, we never had sex up until the last year of our "relationship' - reason:

We had a financial arrangement, we traveled, shared mutual interests, and shared the cost of doing that. It worked for both of us, as we did things together, that neither of us could afford to do singularly.

However --- she decided that I was a 'good kisser"and maybe - we should, well, ya know, 'get together" We were serious to a point, but when it came right down to it, she was somewhat sexually selfish, from my POV, and the relationship ended.

It could have been much better, and committed, but because of her attitude of having a one sided sexual relationship, I could not continue.

[Joshydavid25]

Nah, seeing as there are male models that have been married to one woman for years.. Barring, we don't know the state of their marriages, but nonetheless they seem to be happy to be married and have children..

[AmyHew1tt]

Well, when they're older they do seem to settle down. But I was thinking of younger guys. Like late teens to late twenties.

[Joshydavid25]

Some settle in their early on.. There's one couple who are both models where the wife is getting love and hate on Tik Tok.. One thing I learned about being attractive is that nothing is set in stone and life is more complicated than that.. Of course many probably do sleep around..

[Anonymous]

No, the top 5% of men, which women find attractive, Which are usually very rich and follow the 6"s (6 feet tall, 6 inches long, and 6 figures in the bank) are definitely not into relationships, why would they want to stick to one woman when they can have anyone they want? Its sad that women chase men like that.

[AmyHew1tt]

I mean, We can agree to disagree on that statistic, but people are going to chase what they find attractive, aren't they?

[Opinion Owner]

Lady it's a stat that's backed by science. The study was conducted by all of the major dating sites.

[AmyHew1tt]

And dating sites are purely visual, so yeah, of course.

[SotiCoto]

The moment you used the word "all", the answer was going to be "No" regardless.

[AmyHew1tt]

Yeah, I saw that right after I posted it. Too bad you can't edit. I meant The Majority

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t generalize like that. You said yourself that this is based on your own experience so no, I wouldn’t say it’s true about “all” conventionally attractive men.

[AmyHew1tt]

Other people seem to agree. I know men and women aren't monoliths, but it would appear to be the rule that extremely handsome men, at least when they're young, aren't interested in commitment.

[Opinion Owner]

Which other people? All the men are commenting no….

[Opinion Owner]

Unless you mean they seem to agree with me then yeah. There are some men like that but not all.

[AmyHew1tt]

Well, two out of the four so far have said yes. But not here explicitly. I've seen it talked about quite commonly on this site, on dating apps, and in real life it seems like the common example.

[Opinion Owner]

Three said no, I feel like nonsense counts as disagreement. The other calling himself a fuckboy well, I’d say that’s just a declaration of sorts lol.

[AmyHew1tt]

What made me confused about it especially was a conversation I had where I was talking about what kind of guy I'm attracted to, and people poured in telling me it was pointless going after a handsome guy because they don't do commitment until late in life, and even then they're cheaters. It was a weird eye-opening moment because I'd thought attractive men were like attractive women, who I see more often complaining that men only want sex from them and not a relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s why I wouldn’t pay any mind when people try to cast everyone within a sex under a certain umbrella and say they all do this or that. It isn’t fair to the ones who are a complete contrast to stereotypes and still get judged by them.

[ProbablyClueless]

No, that's not true. I will give you this word of warning though. It SEEMS like, the more romantic experience a man has with women, the less likely he is to take them seriously.

[Comingback]

People simply tend not to be perfect. If a man is conventionally attractive, he may not be rich, or honest, or a good driver, or a good communicator. There's something wrong with everybody

[patrick994]

I don't think there is a correlation between the two

[Anonymous]

I can't say I've ever attracted the casual, fast kind of girl. Which is a shame, because there have been times I would have REALLY gone for that! For me, it's pretty much entirely been relationships.

[Twalli]

Eventually everyone wants to settle down. He's probably at that stage now.

[AmyHew1tt]

I see most of hem, if they DO settle down, settle down later in life. He's quite young, so I found that interesting.

[Twalli]

People have life plans, if his plans regard settling down early then he's going for it.

[AmyHew1tt]

True. I'm not certain that he want's to settle down as in 'get married and have kids' but he claims he wants an actual relationship, not just casual sex

[Twalli]

Yeah, that's different.

[Fuentes]

That's how I feel so I smash through them all lol I like them SAd, super nasty and to the last stroke.

[Anonymous]

No. That's as true as saying "all women are caring women who are ladies". Of course that's not true.

[moneymagnet24]

I'm fuckboy i only chased sex don't have time for relationship

[laly520]

thats not true

[Bklynbadboy12]

No that definitely not true

[AmyHew1tt]

Care to elaborate?

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your not totally wrong there are a lot of guys that are like that but to say we're all like that isn't true that's a very blanket statement to me

[Bklynbadboy12]

Make

[AmyHew1tt]

Of course, not everyone is like that, like the guy I mentioned. But it is the general truth, yes?

[Bklynbadboy12]

Now that I do agree with

[Adogdog]

I would only want a committed relationship.

[NathanDavis]

nonsense

[AmyHew1tt]

How so?

[NathanDavis]

it's a broad and wrong generalization...

[AmyHew1tt]

It seems like most people agree it's the general one though

[NathanDavis]

that's called bias...

it is not most people... it is just you and another

[AmyHew1tt]

Guys are the ones who seem to claim it most often

[NathanDavis]

funny because most men here disagree with it...

[AmyHew1tt]

There are like four men who have commented. Anywhere else, if a girl mentions she wants to date a handsome guy, they come in hoards, claiming good-looking guys would never want to stick with just one girl, unless she's out of this world gorgeous.

[NathanDavis]

there's a lot of idiots down here, that is true... but they're not men

[AmyHew1tt]

I agree there. . .

[Anonymous]

Who told you that load of crap?

[AmyHew1tt]

Mostly guys

[Opinion Owner]

Tell them to get their heads out of their asses & you should to for listening to that crap

[Opinion Owner]

Too*

[AmyHew1tt]

That's what they say, lol. Except that if I don't believe them, I'm delusional, so I should get my head out of my ass 😅

[Opinion Owner]

You're delusional if you do believe that crap so get your head out of your ass

[AmyHew1tt]

Can't win I guess, XD

Honestly, though, I'm not sold on the idea. Someone else here says it has more to do with your values and how you were raised, and I think that's a strong contributor.

[MaxUsefull]

No, it’s not true

[TheSpaceGnome]

Nope.

[jahaims]

No lol