Boyfriend says he could cheat But he is loyal?

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

Sounds strange af, it sounded like some kind of favour:"I dont want to throw flowers on my self but i could go and get sex if i wanted, but im not this type of man! I never did that!"

... he sent me this after sending me a 15min voice about how he wants us to be together that he loves me wants future with me and all along this line

Like i get it, he wants me to think he is loyal. But saying he could get some but won't... is it even normal?

Or its just bad wording? Am reading too much into this or there is a reason he said it this way?

[Oliverlogan263]

That is definitely a weird and unnecessary thing for your boyfriend to say. Even if his intention was to reassure you that he's loyal, bringing up that he "could cheat if he wanted" just plants a seed of doubt.

It almost seems like he wants you to think he has other options so you don't take him for granted or something. But that's a red flag to me. If he really cared about building trust in the relationship, he wouldn't even go there.

The way I see it, he has two options when it comes to fidelity: be loyal or not be loyal. Saying "I could cheat but won't" just raises more questions about his character and intentions. It would make me wonder what's really going on in his head if he feels the need to say that.

I'd talk to him about it for sure. Like ask him why he felt he needed to bring that up when he was telling you he loves you and wants a future together. See what he says and pay attention to how he reacts when you question him about it. If he gets defensive or doesn't give you a good reason, it would be concerning to me. Hopefully it was just a weird way to express his loyalty, but a small comment like that can reveal bigger issues sometimes too. Proceed with caution for sure!

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

Well but he sent me this message after we had an argument (long story won't start explaining) and i left home
Hours after he sent me the text of 15 mins and at least 3 o4 times he said:"I know im not right sometimes and if you deciced to leave me i would understand, it will hurt me tho. But i dont wanna be like"you must stay we me, you must stay with me" you do whatever you want. I only ask for some time and ill prove you my point and you will be proud of me"

[Oliverlogan263]

Alright I'm hearing you. Based on that additional context, it does seem like he was trying apologize and reassure you after your argument.

Still think saying he "could" cheat was poor choice of words, but maybe he was just desperate to convince you he's loyal now. Guys don't always say the right thing when they're stressed.

The fact that he acknowledged his mistakes and said he wants to prove himself, not force you to stay, is a somewhat good sign he understands. Seems like he just lacks communication skills. Like dude, no need to bring up other girls!

I'd say give him a chance to show w better behavior, but with a word of caution - make it clear you won't stand for any shady crap. And keep your guard up a little still, just in case.

Maybe have a real talk when things calm down, saying while you appreciate his love, certain things he said worried you. See how he reacts and if he listens to your feelings.

Overall I'm still on fence about him based on this, but hopefully talking it out can bring some reassurance. Just be careful girl! Let me know if you have any other concerns, 'kay?

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

He tried to make peace with his ex for the sake of their daughter
He spent 2 days with her doing drugs
She slept on his bed
He said they didn't have sex
But she slept on his bed

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn bro, sleeping in the same bed as his ex, especially after doing drugs together? That's super sketchy and crossing some major lines in my opinion. I wouldn't really believe nothing happened either, even if he says so. Spending a bunch of alone time partying with an ex is just asking for trouble. And if he's trying to make things right with you, why would he put himself in such a compromising situation? I'd be questioning his judgment big time. Doesn't sound like he's being very considerate of your feelings. Personally I don't know if I could trust him after that. Up to you if you wanna try to work past it, but I'd be telling him some boundaries need to be set ASAP if he wants to rebuild your faith in him. Proceed with caution my friend.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

He was on drugs doing crack whole week
Thatw hy
He admited he wasn't thinking straight

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

I asked if i can trust him he said yes
He jokes about comitting suicide if i dont come back
I lived with him past 2 weeks

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, this whole situation just sounds toxic as hell. Doing crack all week and then making terrible decisions like spending time alone with his ex - of course he wasn't thinking straight. But is he really trustworthy if he's using hard drugs like crack? That screws with people's judgment so badly.

I also don't like that he's joking about suicide if you don't go back. That's super manipulative and unfair for him to put that pressure on you. Threatening self-harm to control you is just plain wrong.

It also worries me that you've already tried living with him again recently. Obviously he wasn't able to prove himself trustworthy during that time since you're still questioning things. You said yourself after finding out about his ex that you wouldn't trust this guy, and nothing has changed - he's still using hard drugs and pulling sketchy moves.

I know it's gotta be really hard and emotional dealing with all this drama from someone you care about. But from where I'm standing, this dude is not relationship material right now. Not until he gets his shit together and proves he can stay clean, be honest, and respect you as his girl. You deserve so much better than the stress of not knowing what stupid thing he's gonna do next. Please take care of yourself - you don't need that kind of toxicity weighing you down.

[NathanDavis]

a true loyal person doesn't even think about that stuff...

"conditional loyalty" is not loyalty... lol

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

What it means?

[NathanDavis]

sounds sketchy...

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

Think he cheated? or cheats?

[NathanDavis]

I don't think I could assume about that... I simply don't know if he did or didn't

but I know this is something very weird to say... and kind of pressure as well

sounds more of a warning... " I COULD CHEAT"

sounds like an "if" it sounds conditional

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

I know i feel the same way
He started a messages saying :" i want to have future with you, want to have normal life with you. not with whatever girl. with you!"
Like he made it sound like its me who he wants and no other
And he could go and find some "sex wise" as he said but he says he is not this type of men
But this comment truly conused me

[IslaTheWitch]

I would ask him immediately if I should feel honored that he hasn’t cheated on me yet... because he obviously could... but I'm the cocky one...

I'm not sure if it was an utterly stupid wording or he just wanted to show off how "good" boyfriend he is... but I would seriously talk to him about it

[Nikki1989]

Ugh, how often have I heard this before.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

I never heard it
Thats why i ask what it means

[LunarEclipse433]

I would be very careful

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

What do you mean