What are the reasons a guy still texts me after first date, but hasn't suggested second date?

[Anonymous]

What are reasons why a guy still texts me after first date, but hasn't suggested second date?

He said he had a good time with me when I thanked him after getting home from first date.

For the 2 days after first date, he texted me in the morning asking about my plans for the weekend, but didn't reply until at least a whole day had passed.

Before first date he would get online (WhatsApp) within minutes or as soon as I texted him, and would reply within minutes or right away, before I finished replying to his texts.

He has complimented on me in texts after first date, so I would say that if he wasn't interested in me, he wouldn't be doing that, right?

But the frequency and timing of his texts have changed after first date. Now he replies at least after a whole day had passed, and he would say that he's just reading my texts after 6 it 7 in the evening.

I'm okay if a guy is busy and doesn't reply right away, but his texting behaviors only changed after first date, but it doesn't seem that he's completely uninterested, either.

Is he keeping me as a backup?

Updates

27 d

I asked this question because I know my value and I know what I deserve. I don't want to waste time on a guy who's keeping me as a backup. I don't know if pre first date was his baseline or this is his baseline texting, but I want someone who values me and doesn't waste my time.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's tough to say without knowing more about the interaction, but he probably likes you, but he's just busy throughout the day. You just had a first date, so there's not really an immediate need to schedule another one just yet, you know?

[Asker]

I thought generally it's better to have second date no longer than a week after the first, to keep the momentum going? That's what I've read on different sites.

[ProbablyClueless]

I could see that being true in an ideal world. There can be all kinds of things going on in these situations, though. He might be taking time to reflect on the date. He might be waiting to see if you follow up about scheduling a second date. Maybe his work schedule isn't clear enough yet. Maybe already has something else planned, like a work trip or vacation.

It's best to avoid reading into this stuff too much. I know that can be tough, but playing it cool and seeing where things go is often the best way to go! =)

[Asker]

I see! Thank you! 😊

[Asker]

Oh, I read one of the possibilities you mentioned could be that he could be waiting for me to follow up with a second date. What if this was the case, and I'm waiting for him to set up a second date (which I am observing to see if that would happen), then we're both waiting for each other to say something but neither of us do?

[ProbablyClueless]

If you're both waiting on each other to make a move and no one ever does, then the relationship will pointlessly die off. That would be a shame

[Asker]

I see what you said, but we're not in a relationship yet. We just went on one date, which is the reason why I didn't want to act like I'm demanding attention from him since we're not in a relationship, but at the same time I don't want to just keep texting a guy if this isn't going anywhere ("anywhere" meaning more dates) since if I'm texting a guy, I want to text one who dates with intention, not drag on and consume my time.

[In_Trance]

You haven't given him the right signs to suggest that you're interested in a second date

[Asker]

Hmm... but I could've said the same of him, that I haven't seen him express signs of suggesting a second date?

I've been texting him when he did. Is that not a sufficient sign? 🤔

And I don't send 1 sentence or two. The last time I texted him (last night) I sent about 15 messages. It's too many to count them exactly 😄 and several included 5+ sentences basically many paragraphs. I'm as engaging in conversations as I was prior to first date, but I don't know if has the same intention as well.

In addition to not mentioning second date while still texting me, I noticed his frequency of texting is minimal.

I don't mind if a guy doesn't text me for a day when he's busy. I just don't know if change in texting frequency (from a few to once a day and at the end of the day) means that he will get to me when he does, or he just happened to be very busy after our first date?

[In_Trance]

So maybe this isn't a good match. You're clearly not on the same page and not communicating well.

[Asker]

I don't want to act like I'm demanding too much attention since we've only been on one date, but I don't know what's with the texting once a day and no mention of second date.

What do you think an ideal situation would be between him and me? In terms of how we should communicate?

[Asker]

I thought about texting him saying that I noticed a change in his texting frequency/habit and I don't know if that means something. Then I would say that I know I'm a good woman and what I deserve. I want a man who values my time and me.

But I don't know if that's going to make him think whoa hold on, he's just been busy. (Every day after our first date? I'm not sure if that's really a coincidence, unless that's his baseline texting? I don't know, that's why I don't like when a guy doesn't communicate their intentions.

He had told he that he's looking for serious relationship but okay with friends. I told him I'm looking for long-term only, although I'd be okay with friends with I and a guy parted on good terms.

One time I found out another guy I went on first date with, had a different goal than I did/do for a relationship, we still follow each other and like each other posts on social media sometimes. To me he's like a friend, but I don't put a lot of time on him and don't text him regularly since if I'm texting a guy, I'm only texting one who has the intention to date and looks for a potential relationship.

I would be okay if this guy and I end up being friends like with this other guy I just mentioned. I just need to know because I am starting to develop the mindset that I'll text him 9 or 10 at night, or before going to sleep. If I fall asleep and don't text him, then I don't. I'll get to him when I do.

[bobby_bush_eater]

It's tough to say but he could be setting it up in his head while trying to get to know you a bit better, or he's just taking things very slow... Maybe he's been busier at work?

It is still very early but you can set a boundary where if you won't communicate in a reasonable time could you at least give my a heads up? Maybe that's a bit much but it's still very early

[Asker]

I don't know if pre first date was his baseline texting, or this is. I've texted guys who texted in certain timeframes within a day, but I knew their styles.

I don't know if he was texting more often and responding quickly before first date because he was excited, but this is how he usually texts, or he's just texting me once a day at night just to keep me as a backup, in case the woman he's texting during the day and meeting doesn't work out.

If I'm texting a guy, I want my time well invested. I'm not texting someone who's just keeping me as a backup, but at the same time I understand that people are busy and can be that busy to shift texting habit (right after first date, maybe coincidence?)

I think I need the communication to be better, but I agree that it's early on. I don't want to say that I want a man who values me and my time if he's going to think whoa he does value me but just has been busy.

[Nikki1989]

Why are you texting a man you just dated. Can't he talk?

[Asker]

How would I just call him if he didn't offer that he can be available to talk?

[Asker]

I mean people work and have lives. I usually text guys and they can reply whenever they can.

[tul88]

OP here is right. Text the guy and express your desire to connect over a phone call. You will get your answer. Also, people make time for what’s important for them so never brainwash yourself into thinking he is busy and so hasn’t gotten back to you. Also, don’t undervalue you!

[Asker]

I know my value, but I'm not clingy. I don't want to be a woman who's questioning a guy how he's texting me once a day only in the evening.

To me it's only because it's different from how he texted me before first date, but I don't know if before first date was his baseline texting, or this is his baseline texting. He could be texting more before because of excitement and endorphin.

[Asker]

Isn't it too much to ask from a guy to make time for me after first date? I understand that people make time for what's important to them, but do you think that after one date I can rightfully expect a guy to think of me as important and make time for me?

[Vick2828]

He's probably waiting for you to ask him to hang out. So ask him to take you somewhere

[JayBones2469]

He is interested but you seem to easy or needy

[Asker]

When did I show him needinesd? I think you're arrogant for judging me without knowing me.

I only asked what are the reasons a guy keeps texting but doesn't set up a second date. I'm busy too and don't have time to be texting someone who's looking for a penpal. If I text a guy I need my time to be well invested, not if someone's just going to keep texting and won't go on a second date, because there's a reason why "dating" is called so.

[Asker]

And how am I easy? I didn't sleep with him. I think this word choice of yours is not even relevant to the situation.

[JayBones2469]

Lol. You loser

[Asker]

Calling people loser doesn't make you any better, if that's what you were going for. It did not work.

[JayBones2469]

Cool. You're still on a question app on the internet, ignoring good advice while l8fe passes you by.