What is his end game?

[Anonymous]

My ex 35M and I 41F broke up in January - we lived together for 5yrs, and were friends for 10yrs. He is with someone else already (11yrs younger). He refuses to pay the $410 fee to have his name removed from the lease, even though his new girlfriend asked him too - he advised her he has better things to spend his money on, even though it would make her happy. He hasn’t changed his forwarding address to her place even though he lives there. He without fail will be the first to check my fb stories, and hasn’t unfriended me on any social media or blocked my number. He asks about me around mutual friends, just asking how I am doing. But refuses to communicate directly with me. If he doesn’t want to be part of my life, why won't he cut ties, pay the $ to get off the lease etc. I am confused.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, your ex sounds like he's still playing games even though you guys broke up months ago. A few thoughts:

- He wants to keep you on the line as a back-up option in case things don't work out with his new girl. Leaving the lease open gives him that flexibility.

- Checking your socials and asking about you is a way to still keep tabs on your life without fully committing to being together or apart.

- Refusing direct contact lets him avoid responsibility for the relationship but still feel involved from a distance. He wants the perks without the effort.

- Not changing addresses is low-key disrespectful to his new girl. Makes it seem like he's not fully invested in her if he's holding onto ties to you.

- Dude needs to make a clean break already if he's really moved on. He's just dragging it out so he doesn't have to fully let go.

It's messed up that he hasn't granted you closure after 5 years. I'd confront him - tell him to cut the mixed signals and either commit to being friends or leave you alone for good. You deserve better than his immature games!

[Sceprent]

I’m surprised everyone is so on about throwing away $400 over nothing. Not to downplay your situation, if it was just a friend wouldn’t you trust that the friend won’t screw you over and just not waste $400 over just a name? Weird on the management to do that strange state, it’s not a early lease termination it’s just putting it in your name. That’s super weird. It’s not like that’s a $20 paperwork fee or something.


My worry would be the person not paying and me ending up being liable.


I don’t really understand how people are reading so into this clear as day in the worst way possible.


Sounds like you guys really had a big connection and he wants to know how you’re doing, and like you were a big part of his life and now you’re not. He can’t entirely move on and you were friends but out of respect to his new girlfriend doesn’t hit you up. Just scrolls through stories in his feed.


I live in a place where I get 5 different peoples mail and it pisses me off. They haven’t lived here in years. My prior roommate is like that super lazy. You’d know that yourself.

[Finchie40]

Because your ex is a selfish piece of shit that only cares about himself , How he landed a new girlfriend is beyond me , she is sadly clueless. As well , but it will just be a matter of time before she kicks him to the curb where he belongs or he leaves her for someone else , He is holding on to you because he feels he can manipulate and control you , You are best to block him from all your social media and phone and do not give him any access into your life , Move on from him and find someone else. He is a narcissistic Piece of shit that is trying to control you. Do not give into him , when you start to eliminate him from your life he will more Than likely try chasing you back begging for your forgiveness, Do Not fall for his shit!!! He is a Piece of shit Manipulator

[DaveJord]

Sounds like the dude just wants to have some type of way to exercise some control over the process. Sounds like an asshole. He probably doesn't have any end game other than being a pain in the ass.

Change the locks on your door.

[Asker]

I've already taken his keys from him. And made sure he has not a single item belonging to him left in the house.

[spartan55]

Uh... why don't YOU cut ties... wtf?