He took my virginityHe took my virginity

[Anonymous]

Here's the background to the story. I dated this guy for like 1.5 years and he dumped me. He hinted it was because we've never had sex. (He would ask me-how come you never wanted to have sex withme? Did you not trust me? Are you waiting for someone better than me?I feel like you weren't "mine")Even after we broke up we still continued being best friends despite this.

but I was still in love with him and feeling guity we never had sex (I wanted to wait till mariage) He was always the PERFECT boyfriend and waited for me for a long time. so to make a long story short.

we had sex on my 19th b-day. It was special and everything and we continued hanging out like we always did and I assumed we were back together, but one day he let me know we weren't. This crushed me.I gave him my virginity and everything and I loved him!

Anyways, it's been two years since then and I just can't look at him the same way anymore, my heart has been broken. I quit accepting his calls and texts-but then he showed up at my house and told me he still wants to hang out and I shouldn't throw away our friendship.

I really want to say "i gave you my virginity, we did it without a condomn, you came in me, I loved you with all my heart and now you want me to act like we're ina normal friendship? I can barely even look at you anymore because it makes me want to cry. Please I'm suffering and I never want to see you again!" I know it would KILL him if I said this-he has said sorry to me before and I know he cares about me A LOT. Should I keep these feeling in or tell him. Sorry for the long story comments would be appreciated

[im-captnobvious]

you did love him at one point right? and he feels bad for what he has done right? (because you said that it would kill him if you said that) or am I reading something wrong?

thats really sad that you gave your virginity like that. But I would say that if I were to marry you I would find no problem forgiving you because it is not that your a slut, but rather the opposite that you had sex; you were only trying to show that you trust him.

ironic because now due to the sex you don't trust him.

i think if you showed your true feelings to him it would not kill him. maybe for a short time he would be very guilty, but at the same time it would be very reliving because then he could truly be sorry.

if he cares about you that much he wants to know how to comfort you. maybe not directly comfort but if he is sorry he wants to make it better.

you won't be able to hurt his feelings anymore than if you were to ignore him all together. seems like he broke a great trust that you once had and you feel cheated and that is understandable. telling him another thing like this is like building the trust back again and giving him another chance. So by being the nice girl that you are you are essentially giving him another chance to trust you and himself again. so I definitely say you talk to him about it.

plus its obviously killing yourself inside by keeping it in.

[amberview]

I agree with this guy, but if the guy still wants to remain friends, I think it is going to be dangerous to your ego and the healing process because of the chemical reactions that are going on in our brain after a hard breakup.

[Asker]

It's great to have a guy's point of view. It's good to know that you would forgive me it helps me feel a little better. thanks

[rocksongwriter]

You said he used to say "Are you waiting for someone better than me?".

What should've happened:

HIM: "Are you waiting for someone better than me?"

YOU: "Well...yeah."

[Asker]

But I wasn't waiting for someone better-I was just wanted to wait, but I guess over a year and a half is too long for a guy to wait. I never would have imagined he was going to do that me. It was such a betrayal. I'm still not over it. I don't think I'll ever recover.

[rocksongwriter]

"...but I guess over a year and a half is too long for a guy to wait."

Wrong! A year and a year was to long for HIM to wait (and I guess you too), but don't generalize us guys!

[Asker]

So you would wait two years or more to have sex with a girl? I used to not generalize guys-I thought he was different, but I guess not.

[rocksongwriter]

Would I wait two years? Well, at my age, after the first year I'd hope to have a wedding in the works. At your age? Yeah.

[Asker]

I agree. Too bad there aren't more guys like you who think that way.

[rocksongwriter]

Well, I'm one in a million. ;)

[Asker]

Haha

[amberview]

Well, you don't have to be his friend if you don't want to. He doesn't understand, because he is an immature guy. He thinks it is no big deal. A lot of times guys try to think of us as being just like them in the sexual desires and such and we are different. I wouldn't be his friend, just to make him feel better. Though I feel you have every right to say what you said you feel like saying, but you may not feel comfortable saying it. Maybe you don't have to say exactly what you said above, but maybe you should say something. I think you should care about your feelings and maybe if you told him how you were feeling, he wouldn't do this to someone else.

[Asker]

Okay if he comes over again I think I'm going to explode and blurt out those things, and I'll probablly start balling, even tho I never cry in front of people. If I cry I know it will probablly make him cry too that's why I'm scared to say it-cause I can't stand to see him cry. But I feel like he should know this if he doesn't already. Also I don't want to look like an emotional train wrek. It's just so hard to control my emotions when it comes to him. Anything else I'm cool

[amberview]

Yeah I know the feeling. I guess you have three choices:

1. Ignore him till he goes away. (that's kind of meaner than telling him how you feel)

2. Telling him how you feel. (At least you will have communicated) You don't have to be over dramatic. I told a guy once that I just couldn't be his friend, because my heart was broken. You could try that first.

3. Living with the pain to spare his feelings. (Something about this one makes me think it's the worst of choices)

[Asker]

So did he quit bein your friend when he said that

[Asker]

*supossed to be when you said that sry

[amberview]

He stopped contacting me. I don't think he hated me for it. I think he was ok. I just saw him again after years and when I saw him, I felt nothing. It was a chance encounter at the local eye doctor. ha ha I think it really did help me by not having him just popping up whenever he felt like it wanting to be my "friend." After our relationship ended, the pain drug on for a long time, because I was trying to be his friend and spare his feelings. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself, tho

[Crazy2]

I understand hormones, but how can you be friends with a guy who supposedly was the perfect boyfriend for a year and a half then did this to you? He is trying to manipulate you. Waiting for marriage is not wrong and he should have respected your decision and you. Hate to tell you but if someone doesn't respect you now he never will and you are better off without his "friendship". You did right by ignoring him, send him packing if he shows up again & tell him you hoped he learned from this and will never treat another woman like this.

[the-love-guru]

He's SCUM. Any guy that would pull that on you is not worth dating... no matter how many excuses you make for him, he'll never treat you well. Guys like that don't change.

Give him the boot from your life and find a guy worth your time and efforts. :) He's out there!

Best of luck!

[Asker]

Thanks girl!

[Simple-Simonette]

You should tell him how you feel. Because if you don't, you will be having that conversation in your head for the rest of your life. You've already been tormented about this for two years, it's time to let it go. There is no reason to place blame or hurl accusations, just need to tell him how you feel. Plus it might make him aware of his insensitivity, a mistake he could repeat in the future unless you set him straight.

Good luck.

[ski-stud-mike]

you should've found out if you were still together before you had sex. however, this is still a jerk thing of him to do. lastly, don't hold your feelings in. they will plague you forever. you don't have much to lose anyways, so tell him what you want to tell him. he already hurt you, so don't worry about making him feel bad. you should get these things off your chest.

[ALWAYSclassy]

Fuck him who cares if his feelings are hurt. Look how he acted. I think you should tell him how you feel. You deserve to get it off your chest, it would make you feel much better to have that closure and he needs to know how you feel.

[katiegal]

Right

[cherrylbn]

oh gosh, I just got the same situation here, I had a sex with my friend. I don't know what to do, I like him cause he like me, and he like me not much. I can barely even look at him anymore because it makes me cry. and he will go abroad to study. so dieing

[wannabe]

did you ask him that if you too were bk together before you had sex?

[Asker]

I knew we weren't a couple the day we had sex on my b-day. but after that he started acting like his old self from when we were dating. He even invited me to meet his family and new-born nephew all the way in Texas! We went to Texas; he didn't even tell his family we had ever broken up in the first place and they just assumed we were together-so did I. I would never invite "just a friend" to meet my family that I haven't seen in 2 years