What would you do when a guy said, “I don’t deserve you…”?

[blunty]

[provokeesmokee]

Lol, I had a response to this for my newest partner (who is also the longest term friend among my partners): "You're right. You don't deserve me. No one deserves me. You have earned me."

And he has.
He's known me for years. Before he even knew I was available for him to date, he was there for me. As friends, he's been such a support for me without ever making me feel weird or objectified. Genuinely he just liked me and, in the same way I do for folks I like, wanted to see me do well and be happy.

"Deserving" is very close to feeling entitled, in my mind. No one is entitled to me. One may, if I decide, earn my attentions and affections. But it is never something that can be decided without my direction or say so.

[Delle123]

Mentally start to check out and let him do all the work until he proves himself. More often than not he doesn’t want to be with you and doesn’t have the balls to tell you. It could also be that he has a low self esteem, but if that’s the case he will put in the effort once he sees you pulling back

[Billlewis]

I agree wholeheartedly with your belief in having him do all the work (how else would a successful relationship function?), but just because a guy has a low level of self esteem shouldn't necessarily resign him to the reject pile -- here's why -- many of us, myself included are actually supremely confident in our daily lives, but pour personal, social and psychosexual relationships are an entirely different story. If I think you're much, much too good for me, then I'll be far more likely to want to work my ass off to please you. It's not always about submissiveness; oftentimes it's an important ingredient for a very productive, successful arrangement.

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am, I recently began following you, and I'd be honored if you'd like to follow or message me, as well, if that's alright. Thank you very much.

[HawkPerception]

There's 2 reasons a guy could be saying that:

First is that is has low self esteem and genuinely feels insecure being with you and that he holds you in high esteem. Probably thinks you're extremely attractive physically and personality wise.

The second is that he's trying to tell you he's not interested in a way that won't hurt you.

It's up to you to figure out which one that is. If it's the first one, telling him that it's okay because you're not going anywhere and that you like him very much should be enough to make him want to stay.

If it's the latter, then there's nothing you can do. He wanted to leave anyways.

[patois]

That's a great one because it has a double meaning... It's like if you are being abused and you say I don't deserve this... It's totally uncalled for... You're a total piece of crap, you act insane, you are ruining my life... But when you say it to a narcissist all they can see is themselves so when you say I don't deserve you, they can't see all the trouble they cause, they can only think about how they're the best thing since sliced bread while you are actually insulting them.

[patois]

I don't deserve you... silent part *I'm better than this*... Let's break up.

[Account]

I would think that he wants out and he chose a lame excuse. That is alright, I don't mind. I wouldn't impose anyone with my presence in their lives if it is unwanted and that is amongst the rules that I follow.

[Mwolf]

If a guy said that to me, I'd be smitten if he meant it and admired me that much.

[Account]

You can feel free to believe whatever you want.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Simply put, he thinks you're too good for him!

[TommyMountainFigure]

If a woman said that to me by the way, I'd say 'yeah I know' and make a joke of it!

[Stanley]

When someone says, "I don't deserve you," it can evoke a range of emotions and thoughts. Here's a thoughtful and compassionate response:

It's touching that you feel that way, but it's important to recognize that relationships are built on mutual respect, understanding, and growth. If you feel that you don't deserve me, let's talk about why you think that. We all have our insecurities and doubts, but it's crucial to see the value and worth in ourselves as much as we see it in others.

If there's something specific you're concerned about, let's address it together.

[CaptainOverthink]

"None else get what they 'deserve' and you are the only one that can decide to miss out because you pity yourself. Don't push a good thing away, take the opporotunities life offers you."
"If you know you've done bad things then you have the perfect opporotunity to change, right now."

[loveslongnails]

It depends - is it part of a break up speech, or is he trying to compliment you in some way. If it's an attempt at a compliment, say "Yes, you don't" If it's part of a break-up excuse, again you agree with him, but as you're dumping him, say " but more importantly, I don't deserve YOU!"

[Sarah2007]

If my friends told me that then I will give him a chance to relax and think about it, if he said it again then I will yeeeeet him because i don't keep such friends who talk this way

[DontAskMePeople]

Most likely he feels lucky to have you and also has low self-esteem in himself (doest believe his worthy of someone like you)

That's if it was said in positive light. Can be hard without contest or tone sometimes

[Altheavas]

He probably thinks you’re too good for him. He doesn’t feel you’re of his league, he may also be insecure.

[Daniela1982]

I'd say, "OK, see ya later alligator!" Would save me the trouble of finding that out sometime down the line.

[SweetJoyGirl]

Then I would take it seriously. lol

Clearly, he is seeing something in himself that I am not. I would definitely step back.

[Nikki1989]

I would probably say, you know what, you are right.

[delsworld]

I would leave. People will always tell you who they are and what they think of themselves. If he believes that he doesn't deserve you he will start acting accordingly.

[midnightmoon05]

Who is the guy? Some strange off the road? Or my boyfriend?
stranger? Don’t care.
boyfriend. He is letting me know kindly that I am not good enough and he deserves better.

[sawno]

Had a partner say something along those lines. Told her thats up to me not her followed by all the reasons I loved her so much and wasn't going anywhere.

[DishLady]

Just listen to whatever the rest of his monologue will be and schedule a mani-pedi bc he’s in the process of dumping you….

[Mwolf]

Definitely depends on the rest of the context surrounding it.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Assume he was either manipulating me or that a really big present for me was hiding somewhere

[SpeedAnswerDemon]

"Sir, this is a Wendy's"

[Anonymous]

I'd take it as a compliment and feel bad, if he's a good guy just humble, then try to help him understand that it's ok.

[SotiCoto]

Reply: "Good thing you don't have me then."

[DrPepper12]

Say you're Right and break up of course!!! JK. Its a nice compliment

[genericname85]

probably be like "you're right, bye" xD

[OhLongJohnsoning]

It just means, he doesn't think he deserves you. Don't read into it, just keep doing what you're doing

[Iron_Man]

Many guys say that when they’re depressed and want the girls to give them compassion

[KrakenAttackin]

He is trying to get away from you without you becoming vengeful.

[nawtee_me]

First you agree with him and then you let him know how lucky he is to have you….

[princessprettyxoxo]

Everytime I’ve heard that line it was during a break up 🤣

[SugarSugarplum]

Help him become a better him.

[Finchie40]

Agree with him and say No you don’t , Goodbye

[PatKirby]

The guy's simping. Probably a beta orbiter.

[jahaims]

He is a loser fishing for compliments

[andy530]

Ask why he thinks that

[Saretta]

È una stronzata, lui vuole andarsene

[MasterKS]

go for a deserving one! LOL

[Yannae]

Ask him why.