What do I make of such ambiguity (details)?

Question

A few weeks back he wrote "I don't dislike you, it's quite the opposite really. I just didn't want you to think we could be something - the distance is too much, I can't be with someone who lives so far away."

I wanted to stop holding onto hope. Out of hurt I responded that I didn't understand why he wanted to stay in touch, since we had different expectations of our contact and rarely talked. A week later I explained my point and he told me we could still stay in contact.

A week after that he tells me he is seeing someone else, but still hopes I'm willing to keep talking to him. After asking if it was a hint for me to leave him alone, he wrote "if it was, I would've just said so," but the truth is... he rarely tells me what he expects from me. So I told him I want him to be happy, regardless of with whom that is.

Another week later he suggests I should fly over and visit a city he was going to, but I initially didn't get the hint. When I told him to be more clear on what he expected - especially considering he mentioned dating someone else - and that he should let me know in advance (rather than a 5 day notice) he responded, "I won't be there long anyway".

He knows I like him a lot, but his communication doesn't make sense to me. He rarely talks to me, takes days to respond unless he reaches out (which he hasn't done a lot), and I never know what he expects from me. I have no idea why he'd still want to stay in touch if he doesn't even enjoy talking to me, except on his terms. And even then, he seems to not even want anything to do with me. I really don't get it.

bowenw · Accepted Answer

He seems to want you to keep you as a side piece and I assume he wanted to hook up with you had you agreed to meet him in the city he was visiting. If he's willing to cheat on the girl he's seeing, you have a good idea of what he's really like. That combined with is lack of communication would seem to be enough for you to move on.

IridescentWave · Accepted Answer

From the prompt alone, it seems clear what he wants: (light) friendship. Just a conversation every now and then, like pen pals. Expecting more with the physical distance sounds like impending tragedy. Take his words at face value.

Makeushiver · Answer

Two ways. #1: If you are trying to tell me something you might consider communication because that read like Finnegan's Wake #2: Bob Dylan method: I accept chaos I just don't know if chaos accepts me