Why do people self sabotage?

[FierceMegan]

Why do people self sabotage?

Is it fear? Fear of success? Fear of failure? Depression?

For example: I am suppose to take my medicine daily, and sometimes I just don't take it. I use to be very good about it, but now it's like I am too tired to take it.

Another example: Or people who procrastinate to the point that they never get anything done.

It's sabotage! What are your thoughts on this?

[cutebubble]

cmon this is easy.

we are all weak, we all have weaknesses. we are not perfect. we cannot be perfect all the time even if we try. We will succumb to some temptations. It's a lot of willpower not to, but people overestimate their own abilities to resist things. It's impossible to be perfect. It's not impossible to try, but its unrealistic to think we won't self-sabotage sometimes. ITs just about how fast we realize it, and how fast we correct ourselves, again and again.

Life is complicated. There's so many things going on, you will not know always when one thing is slipping out. and if you do notice, you might not have the energy and time to stop. Its like with relationships. Some friends just slip out of your life quietly. Occasionally there's a huge battle, but mostly it just happens people part ways quietly as they go on in their life moving in different directions.

Life is tiring, so its not a surprise you stop doing some things, even if you are supposed to. its about finding joy again, when you have joy, you will do the things necessary to keep your life running. If you find only sadness, you will stop doing everything. So its about real joy and finding happiness, and that means something different all the time. could be relationships with people, could be hobbies, could be finding the meaning in your life, could be finding the job or task you really want to do, its everything. And you just have to start one step at a time to move forward .

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's fear and denial (not booking that doctors/dentist appointment when you know you re sick, knowing your in debt but keep on spending)

Sometimes it's the fear of the new and unknown combined with the comfort of what we do know( staying in your horrible job, horrible city, horrible life even when opportunities to escape present themselves)

Some people hurt themselves as a way of avoidance, they eat too much, take drugs, drink etc as a way of avoiding dealing with issues.

[goflipaburger]

In regards as to why I procrastinate every so often, its either because I'm working too many hours and am tired by the time I get home or I'm just being lazy :P

[FierceMegan]

I completely understand being tired. =)

[FierceMegan]

Congrats on making Guru too! =D

[goflipaburger]

thanks :D

[FierceMegan]

Np! =D

[RedThread78]

Some people self-sabotage because they don't want to accept reality and others do it because they have enablers. There are those that would never have to work their whole lives so they don't and there are others that have a hard time and still won't do anything about it because they don't want to face the facts.

I think fear of success and failure are the same thing which is what makes it so difficult to get over. I know speaking of myself I hate to fail but I would put up this stupid facade so if I did indeed fail it wasn't "me" who failed. I knew that if I failed then it was over and it wouldn't lead me to another tier of success/failure. This can lead to extreme procrastination because you don't want to encounter the things that you fear. Depression can also contribute because when you've gone through your life without doing anything you're proud of it makes it difficult to imagine you ever doing something that makes you proud.

In the end it's all silly and we have to just go out and experience new things and sever ourselves from the mental chains that bind us with fear. If we don't we'll never be happy and I know that's not how ANY of us want to live our lives! =D

[RedThread78]

YAY thanks for BA =D=D

[FierceMegan]

Well, it was a good observation. :)

[DianaDDreamer]

Great answer ! I was just going to write that but I got lazy! Haha lol

[FierceMegan]

@DDD - LOL

[RedThread78]

hehehe

[stevo]

I do it for really god knows what reasons. Maybe insecurites, fears-or maybe I just feel I don't deserve to be happy. I've been accused of 'self-sabatoge' by my father.

[FierceMegan]

You're worth it! =)

[stevo]

Sorry Megan, but no.

[FierceMegan]

=(

[stevo]

Okay, to make you happy-YES I am worth it! :D

[FierceMegan]

YAY! Now walk with swagger! XD

[cun7n1nja]

Because we are stooooopid, every single one of us, lmao. =P

[FierceMegan]

AMEN! XD

[cun7n1nja]

Hahaha. XD

[mike5150]

I suppose I do this cause I'm scared about what will happen

[FierceMegan]

Even if you know it is a good thing?

[mike5150]

I always think something bad will happen and I will feel worse than I did before

[FierceMegan]

What's the worse that can happen?

[mike5150]

depends on what it is I'm trying to do

[FierceMegan]

Okay, what do you do it in and why? :) Sorry I am trying to figure this out.

[mike5150]

If I'm trying to get a job I always think I will screw and get fired before I can get adjusted

If its meeting girls I always feel like I'm either not good enough or if I can get her to say yes she won't want to date me if she knew I don't have a car

[FierceMegan]

Sounds like self worth issues. what do you think?

[mike5150]

I suppose so

[FierceMegan]

Remember that YOU ARE DA MAN!

[mike5150]

DA MAN doesn't want to get hurt again :(

[FierceMegan]

Understandable, but “Being hurt by someone you truly care about leaves a hole in you heart that only love can fill.” You have to keep looking to have that hole be filled. If you leave it unfilled you will always hurt. You can't give up because then you will surely be in pain. Keep looking for a permanent fill. :)

[mike5150]

Thanks that is true but I'm scared I will get hurt again it would make me be much worse then I am now

[FierceMegan]

I think you should realize that you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

[mike5150]

I don't know about that I wouldn't be on here probably if I was that strong

[FierceMegan]

I am strong, and I am here. There are quite a few people here that are strong. Don't underestimate yourself.

[mike5150]

I don't know how strong I really am

[FierceMegan]

It's about time you test it, no? :)

[mike5150]

Lol, how do I test it?

[FierceMegan]

By putting yourself out there. I suggest making people work for your devotion though. Put yourself out there, but don't give yourself fully. :)

[mike5150]

Wait what? How do I put myself out there but not fully? Lol I need a lot of help with this cause like all I can do is say hi then run off scared something is going to happen lmao.

[FierceMegan]

Awww, that's cute, but you shouldn't do it! What I mean by "put yourself out there" is like when you go somewhere and you see a girl, instead of saying "hi" make a joke, or mention something that is going on around you. If you are at a book store, and she is holding a book of "The Feminine Mystique" just say, "I just finished reading 'Taming of the Shrew', how's that one?" She should laugh. If not, then f*** her, she can't take a joke. It's not like she is the love of your life.

[mike5150]

Lmao @ Taming of the shrew. I would like to make a joke but I always think I have something good to say my mind goes blank. What if I find the love of my life and know she likes me but she can't date me for personal reasons?

[FierceMegan]

You have to stop that thinking ahead of yours. It is creating a problem. What if she is the love of your life and she is ready for a relationship and she thinks you aren't interested in her because you didn't talk to her? Girls are very insecure too. You need to make us feel good. If you make her feel like a woman she'll work out her problems for you. Everything is fixable when you want something. Make 'em want you. You do that by making us feel great. Laughter is the big one. :)

[mike5150]

Actualy the girl I'm talking about is the only girl I can talk to. She likes me but she has a lot of problems in her life right now so I don't what to do or say cause I don't want her to think I'm asking her out to mess with her

[FierceMegan]

You know her IRL?

[mike5150]

not yet lol I'm sad :(

[FierceMegan]

From GaG?

[mike5150]

Yeah.

And I keep getting a girl call me I meet IRL But I never talk to her cause I know she has a boyfriend and my friend told me not to talk to her because she tries to see if she can get guys to help her mess around behind her boyfriends back.

[FierceMegan]

"And I keep getting a girl call me I meet IRL" <---I can't make sense of that. :(

[mike5150]

There is a girl I meet in real life (IRL) but she has a boyfriend and since I meet her she calls me and wants to hang out. But my friend told me not to do it because she has a history of meeting guys to mess around behind her boyfriends back.

And yes the girl I talked about before was from GAG :)

[FierceMegan]

I am going to inbox you. :)

[mike5150]

sure thing :)

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

People self sabotage because they don't want to be responsible for their actions. They can blame whatever happens on not taking their pill that day or whatever.

[FierceMegan]

lol, was the pill comment about me?

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

Yes, even know it doesn't really make sense lol.

[FierceMegan]

"even know it doesn't really make sense"? Don't you mean, even *though* it doesn't really make sense?

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

I'm pretty smart...right?

[FierceMegan]

Indeed.

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

Thanks for making feel so smart.

[FierceMegan]

You're welcome. I try. :)

[cyrus7]

cuz I don't think I can do it or have a chance in between so many people

[FierceMegan]

You do something for the love of doing it, and success will blossom on its own. You're capable I don't understand why you think that way, or see it that way.

[cyrus7]

low self esteem I guess... who knows

[FierceMegan]

link =D

[cyrus7]

lol x_x thanks

[FierceMegan]

You're welcome! XD

[jujubeetzzz]

some people are motivated by avoidance and some are motivated by goals. the avoidance types will just avoid disaster at the last minute if they want to avoid working at all costs.

[jimmy217]

im not sure if I do this

[FierceMegan]

Would you agree if I said, I think we all do this in one way or another?

[jimmy217]

yea that makes sense. I guess I just don't realize when I'm doing it. Or what aspect of my life it is affecting

[FierceMegan]

Fair enough. =) Thank you.

[zagor]

Sometimes I think its a part of my mind that hates me and wants me to fail. I've done some major self-inflicted wounds over time.

[Kain6th]

I just don't feel like it lol

[FierceMegan]

Why don't you feel like it?

[Kain6th]

Like with pills for instance, I guess it''s like you do it so much that you wonder if they re working anymore and so you just don't see the need or the point to keep on taking them and you just stop.

[FierceMegan]

Oh no, the pills I take work! They are like magic. I just get tired.

[skb94]

laziness, its a f***in desease

[FierceMegan]

Laziness?

[skb94]

people procratinate because theyre lazy

[skb94]

crastinate

[FierceMegan]

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree because I don't believe that is entirely true. I have met people who work 65 hours a week and they procrastinate due to self worth issues, or fear, maybe both.

[skb94]

they procrastinate? working 65 hours a week? what are they doing then lol.

[FierceMegan]

For instance, they won't go to the doctors for themselves, but they will schedule a doctors appointments for their kids. That is my mom for instance. She procrastinates for herself, but not for her kids. I think it's a self worth issue, or she is arrogant because she is a strong person.

[skb94]

oh, you sound pretty right then

[FierceMegan]

sometimes :)

[Dom163]

People just don't care