My biggest flaw is my hooked nose and it stands out enough for me to get unwarranted comments about it all the time. Whilst I was bullied in school for being ugly and henceforth it has made me a highly reserved person, I thought that I had come to terms with my appearance by the time I had graduated high school. Recently, it's resurfaced again. For some reason I'm as self-conscious as I was back in high school and I don't know how to deal with it this time. Before, I had a victim mentality and I just had the attitude that the whole world sucks. Now, I'm old enough now to understand, that most people aren't pricks but are just self-conscious. I'm really stuck and don't get why this is happening again. I'm all for taking responsibility for one's actions and I'm serious about self-improvement. I work out everyday and maintain a good figure, I practice fasting, manage personal finances and have good family and friends, yet I still have this underlying self-hatred. I sometimes feel so disgusted by my nose that I cannot leave the house unless I'm wearing a mask. I am annoyed with myself because I want to go out and talk to people and enjoy myself, but the perpetual fear that someone will make a comment about my nose if they see me from the side angle makes me v anxious. I have a hunch that I've not properly come to terms with what happened in high school but I just want some fool-proof method to be confident and give 0 fucks about others comments. I find it so tiring and childish to behave like this but I can't help it when I feel like I'm going to vomit from anxiety. I want to stop self-sabotaging. There's even a guy who interested in me right now but I keep upsetting him by refusing to attend any social events together. I am embarrassed that people would see me with someone romantically when I have this nose. Writing this I'm almost laughing at how ridiculous it sounds but I'm self-aware and I realise it's like my ego is not integrated with my outer image or something.
How do I stop self sabotaging?
