Is it fear that make man hide things or emotional attachment they can't understand and justify as friendship to cover their emotions?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I were about to get engaged when something shook our world. His female coworker, whom he introduced as a good friend, initially seemed kind when we met. However, two months ago, her boyfriend approached me, suspecting an emotional affair between them.

My boyfriend is a dream partner—caring, hardworking, and always trying to make things right. However, I was shocked to learn he had been omitting details about their interactions. They had lunch together daily, sometimes in a group but three to four times alone. They shared homemade food, and he even cooked for her twice—something he does only for loved ones. They watched thriller movies during office breaks, and their regular chats after work unsettled me.

Despite this, I found nothing suspicious or flirty. He mentioned me in their chats, often expressing how much he needed a good job to marry me. She even advised him on our fights and helped him secure a permanent position. Still, past fights over his female friends made him stop sharing details. While colleagues saw them as just friends, their boss and her boyfriend found them too close. Was he just scared to tell me, or was there an emotional affair?

Updates

1 y

Well few things that made me doubt:
1. I admit my insecure controlling behaviour which made him hide things but I never saw him being so caring to any female friend other than me.
2. Even though he hide, deleted chats I found nothing suspicious when I got chats. Also he gave his 100% to convince my family.
3. He was very respective towards her relation and never did anything flirty or harmful to intentionally ruin her relations and also tried to be close to her boyfriend during their friendship.

[Summeroflove]

It can be a really hard situation because sometimes people have friendships with the opposite sex they can be best friends without anything romantic and/or sexual going on but if you have a bad gut feeling just bring this up to your boyfriend.

Hiding things is never a good sign and could indicate there is more going on even if it’s not sexual plus some people who are cheating sexually are good at hiding it and know how to cover their tracks. But maybe it’s innocent enough and they are just simply good friends.

I just think you need to have a open as well as honest conversation about how you feel believe it or not all relationships have insecurities. But it’s about how people communicate them rather then becoming toxic, letting things boil over until you just blow up, and other things like that it’s very important to have these conversations about how you feel as well as the same for him he should be communicating as well.

I think if you know you did something take accountability and you’re going to need to have serious discussions to either make this relationship work or end it on good terms. If you’re not meant to be together or there is something more going on then certainly don’t wanna be stuck in a marriage with him.

[Asker]

The fact that he never been this close to any other female bcz all his life he was quite introvert and we were in same class. So I was just his only friend while I had a huge group. He said first time in his office he felt people valued you and he didn’t want to loose friendship as I always overreacted. He is sorry for hiding things but he said he always felt both of them resected their boundaries while people may think their closeness to be something blooming. But what hurts me is the daily chats (though not flirty), movies in office ( unprofessionalism and a bit shock to me), bringing lunch for her ( a bit like his love language) he cooks for peoole he love like me, his male best friends, family. So these things made me upset like he would always knock her when she reach home and just do random talkings which are not even deep emotional.

[Summeroflove]

Well it does sound to me like she’s just a really good friend if you have a bad gut feeling or feel like he’s still hiding something that’s one thing.

But I am glad you talked about it. You can’t make him split with a friend but what you can do is keep talking about your emotions while genuinely listening to him. Either you’ll be able to work through it or maybe if it’s not meant to be break it off on good terms. It’s better then a toxic hell of a relationship.

You said he cooks for his male friends as well so I think he just cares for her. But he is allowed to have other friends I will say for some people having opposite sex friends can be a issue that comes down to compatibility.