How do you deal with indifference?

[jaycee777]

Its far more painful than hate... what is the best way to deal with someone who is dealing with you in this manner?

[Simple-Simonette]

You poor baby.

Sometimes people deal with difficult things by distancing themselves from the situation. He may still care - but after going what you guys went through, he may just need time and space to get his shit together.

From what I remember, you had a close call, he made a decision you didn't agree with, and in the end it was all for naught. I know that you are dealing with your loss, physically and emotionally - but he's dealing with having to make a serious decision that not only affected his life, but people that he cared about. He has a lot to deal with as well. Though compared to the burden you're dealing with, it may not seem like much to you - it could be all that he is capable of handling at the moment.

I know you guys were broken up during this, he could also have been in the process of moving on - and is just continuing to do it now that the drama has passed (for him at least).

Work past this - though he doesn't seem to care, try not to let that reflect on how you feel about yourself. You guys broke up for a reason, and now that there isn't anything that's going to keep you together - you need to move on as well. I'm sure deep down inside he's struggling with his own demons and see no reason to share it with you - I guess he expects you to handle yours without him as well. It sucks that you can't count on his comfort when you need it the most - but that's just the way it is.

Good luck and try to find peace with what you DO have in your life. You'll get over him eventually - the sooner you let go, the sooner you'll be free.

[Naash]

I have faced a lot of this and I still get to face.

Can't help it !

I just mirror what they do to me.

Many a times it has helped.

No one wants a rude treatment.

Sometimes I just go straight a speak to them about it.

Do anything that'll upset them, that's it.

There is no other way !

[jaycee777]

I don't want to make things any worse... I want to resolve it and know whether we can have a friendship or not... I may just give up soon, who knows... but gave him an opportunity to consider friendship and he has not responded, well haven't actually heard from him since before New Year now.

[AJtogo]

Hi there. I see you're still going through issues with the ex. It also appears that you're still trying to establish some kind of contact/relationship/friendship with him and he's not responding to any of it in a manner that you would like. You're not going to able to control or make him feel towards you like the way it was in the past. Whatever his feelings are, you are not in a position to change them. They are what they are.

Right now you have to take care of yourself (and your child?). You can force contact with the child because he has a responsibility to it or you can be a stalker, but neither of these routes are taking the high road.

I think you are going through the grief process and are having major difficulty in accepting his indifferent behaviour. I understand how maddening that can be but you are going to have to accept his choices no matter how indifferent you perceive them to be. It is unfortunate, but the only way to sanely deal with indifference is to be indifferent. This also means that you have to stand on your own again, which isn't a bad thing, and get on with your life.

[Simple-Simonette]

I don't think there is a child anymore.

[AJtogo]

I wasn't sure.

[jaycee777]

Yes I lost it, and no I don't want him back and can stand on my own two feet, I have not been trying to contact him all the time, I tried one last time after nothing for over a week. I am not a stalker, just someone who sees both sides as best I can and believes in forgiveness and moving forward.

[lefthand]

The opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference. There is actually very little you can do with this. This happens when someone is simply done and not going to change. Find someone else.

[jaycee777]

I will find someone else thanks... just hoped we could salvage what friendship we had left, I guess not.